


Undercover

by FallingT



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Amell likes sex, Angst, Blood Magic, Depression, God Baby!, More angst, Multi, NSFW, Nicknames, Pregnancy, Self-Harm, Smut, Triggers, Wicked Grace, and oh would you look at that more angst!, and she doesn't give a shit, angsty sex, door sex, mention of abortion, not evil blood magic, ritual gone wrong?, which is not sex between doors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:40:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 84,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4166256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingT/pseuds/FallingT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the news of what Corypheus had done to the Wardens through the fake calling, Leliana sets out to find her long lost friend and bring her to Skyhold to assure her safety and aid the Inquisition. Thalia Amell, once known as the Hero of Ferelden, finally arrives at Skyhold, but with no intention of staying permanently and a clear plan to hide her identy to everyone.</p><p>‘Oh I’m sorry, were you going to kill him? Too bad!’ she mocked him, her eyes surely reflecting the same feelings that were in his.<br/>‘I was not aware that we were on a talking basis, my lady’ he growled to her face, teeth barred. ‘In fact, I believe that you wanted me to mind my own businesses’ he continued, gripping his sword and shield tightly.<br/>Thalia groaned.<br/>Were they really going to discuss it right there in the middle of the battle?<br/>‘Well, if you hadn’t decided to fuck me against a door that day, we wouldn’t have had any problems!’ she bit back.<br/>‘It’s not like you weren’t willing!’ he yelled back, turning just in time to block a hit of a Templar.<br/>‘Andraste flaming tits, of course I wanted to fuck you! Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you probably thought this was going to be an update, but maybe it's something better! I've finally managed to find a Beta! So everyone says hi to OrchidLurver! She's been amazing in editing this, and I hope you'll enjoy the updates! (you can check her works back at ff.net!)
> 
> For those of you who are new readers, I hope you'll like what you are about to read!  
> Either way, enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer : Dragon Age and all canonic characters are owned by Bioware, OCs are mine.

_Dear Leliana,_

_I heard about what is going on with the Wardens and Corypheus. I'll join you and the Inquisition shortly. I'll send word of my planned arrival as well, but please, let this remain between us._

_Also, I know that Morrigan is at Skyhold, I look forward to seeing her._

_Yours,_

_T.A._

Leliana quickly went through the short missive one more time before sighing in relief. It was good to know that _she_ was coming, though _she_ didn't want to be announced to anyone. The Inquisition would truly benefit from _her_ insight, just as much as _she_ would benefit from being in the Inquisition.

The Spymaster had kept tabs on her friend as much as she could; it certainly had been easier when _she_ had become the Warden-Commander. However, it had become a little more difficult when _she_ had left that position. Knowing what Corypheus had done to the Wardens, with his fake calling, had made Leliana feel uneasy and she had immediately sent people out looking for the former Warden-Commander.

To know that _she_ was safe and on _her_ way, was a great relief.

Ignoring the fact that the Warden looked forward to meeting up with Morrigan, Leliana put the letter away.

Now all she had to do was wait.

_I'll have the guards notified with your arrival as my personal guest. Meet me as soon as you can._

 

Thalia read the message and immediately sent the raven back, grateful as always for Leliana's precise organization.

At only a couple hours from Skyhold, Thalia found that the more she rode, the more she found herself agitated and excited to reunite with her friend. It had been so long since she'd been around a familiar and friendly face. Also, she was thrilled at the idea of seeing Morrigan once more. She wanted to know how her fellow mage was holding up. After their last encounter at the Eluvian, she hadn't heard from Morrigan, not even a whisper in the wind.

Nothing.

With a sigh, she fixed the heavy furred cloak on her shoulders. The Frostbacks were really much colder than she remembered. Gently, she spurred the horse back into movement.

It was already pitch dark when she finally came to a stop in the lower courtyard of the fortress. Skyhold, a sight to behold, even from a distance; and inside it was almost better. The temperature had lightly increased in the protection of the sturdy walls, with the wind being cut off by the battlements.

It truly was amazing.

Thalia dismounted from her mare as two men approached her; one was clearly a stable boy, the other she recognized as one of the scouts that had approached her back in the Anderfells.

"Milady, welcome. Sister Leliana is waiting for you." He saluted, bowing his head.

Thalia returned the gestures and then handed the reins to the boy. "Take good care of her." She warned, and the boy nodded in understanding.

With the mare attended to, Thalia gladly followed the scout through the yard where she noted a series of tents and a woman tending to the wounded. They climbed a set of stairs allowing her to have a clear visual of the main yard. On one side, she could hear the distinctive sounds of the Tavern; men and women yelling and shouting happily. A song filled the air and she could imagine people dancing and singing along in a funny drunken state. Smiling to herself, the mage remembered the nights she had spent with her companions. Oghren getting ass drunk and challenging both Sten and Shale to take him down in a duel. Anders becoming almost disgustingly adorable after just one glass of scotch and endlessly poking at Nathaniel, making fun of his crush on Velanna. Alistair's sweet smile that would quickly become a full wide grin when he drank. As her mind remembered of all those moments, her heart began to ache.

It's still too painful for her.

No. She didn't come all this way in the midst of the freezing Frostbacks to get all sappy!

She shook her head and started climbing a new set of stairs that lead to the main body of the Hold.

The inside was much more magnificent than the simple outside would have led her to believe. A red carpet run through the whole area, all the way up to the upstanding Throne. Tables were set on each side and the walls were decorated in the typical marcher style – a clear sign of the Inquisitor origins – along with the Inquisition's banners. The man took a turn for the first door on their left, leading into an incredibly huge, round room that was decorated with different frescoes. In the middle was a desk and a chair, currently occupied by an elf that only spared them a quick glance before going back to his work.

Again, they took on a new set of stairs, that ended in what seemed to be a library.

 _Odd location to place a library_ , she thought as they passed through. There were still a few people in there at such an hour, and a man wearing a particularly fleshy set of robes that caught her eye. He had an outstanding sense of fashion and a very nice ass, she noted.

After yet another set of stairs – _what was it with the stairs?_ _She almost felt as if she was back in the Circle Tower!_ – They finally came to a stop.

Leliana was already standing in front of her desk.

When Thalia appeared, the Bard dashed forward and wrapped her friend in a tight hug. The Sister may have looked very reserved and frightening, but Thalia knew well enough that she could also hand out cuddles when she really wanted to. So she squeezed in return, relaxing between the arms of an old friend.

"It's good to see you again. I've missed you." The nightingale whispered in her friend's ear.

Thalia couldn't help the smile that spread on her lips. "I've missed you too." She squeezed the Spymaster one more time and then let go.

Studying her friend's features, Leliana watched as Thalia unwrapped the cloak from her shoulders and placed it on the chair. Ten years had passed and time had changed even the mighty Hero: her long auburn hair that she had once envied, was now cut short to rest just a little bit under her chin; her face, although still young, bared the signs of aging as much as hers, a new scar now rested on her left eyebrow. Her body was still fit as always, she noted with a glance to her figure.

"I see you still fancy those robes from Tevinter." Leliana chuckled, noticing Thalia's outfit.

The Bard remembered the first time that Thalia had bought the clothing in Denerim; Alistair had almost had a heart attack when he’d seen her walking out of the store with such a revealing outfit.

"I find them most comfortable, and with a little enchantment I can wear them even in this freezing cold." The mage said matter-of-factly.

"I think Dorian is going to approve." Leliana mused.

Thalia supposed that this _Dorian_ was one of the Inquisitor's companions, but didn't bother to ask for a confirmation. There's going to be enough time to meet them all, she wagered.

"So, what are your plans now that you're finally here?"

The former Warden started to pace, occasionally glancing up and down to take in the details of the place. She continued pacing for quite some time before she settled, leaning on the wooden rail.

"I'll give you and the Inquisition all the information I have on Clarel, Corypheus and the Wardens, that's obvious. I'll introduce myself as a simple former Warden, none of that Hero of Ferelden shit. I'll meet your Inquisitor, his companions and your colleagues. And that's it. I have no more to offer than my skills and knowledge." She explained.

Leliana eyed her carefully, knowing that her friend was doing her best to stay out of this whole mess, trying to stay unattached to them all. "But are you going to stay in the Inquisition?" She asked.

Thalia bit her lower lip, a sign she was distressed and not comfortable with the thought of sticking around for too long. Of course she had planned on staying for the time she was going to be needed...but to actually remain and join the Inquisition?

"Just find me something to do, to blend in. We'll think about the rest once we need to." She offered at last.

Leliana smiled fondly.

Thalia Amell was still the stubborn woman she had met ten years before.


	2. Sharp Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

 

The following morning, even though she wanted nothing more than to sleep in – it was the first time in months that she had slept on a bed of any sort – she was up and kicking at the break of dawn. Leliana had told her that the Inquisitor was a very morning person and she thought it best to approach him in a more _casual_ setting than the war room. She couldn’t agree more. Too many sharp eyes in one room were a problem when you wanted not to be recognized.

After discarding her usual robes for something _less flashy_ – namely a well fitted pair of leather breeches and a Rivain-styled shirt, she left her room. The quarters overlooked a rather large garden filled with what she could imagine being any sort of medicinal herbs. A gazebo stood in one corner, making a very romantic picture under the dim light of dawn.

She was still looking around when she spotted her.

Morrigan was making her way through the garden with that cat-like stride that she had always envied her. It was a bit far from up there, but Thalia could tell that she hadn’t changed that much, she was even wearing the same robes too!

 _Old habits die hard, I guess_.

She certainly was still unaware of her presence there, which meant that, for once, she was going to have the upper hand in their meeting.

How refreshing!

When the Witch disappeared behind a door, Thalia decided to head inside.

The main hall, despite the early hour, was already buzzing with people. Nobles and soldiers having breakfast alike, the servants going about their business serving food and passing through.

She made her way down calmly, absolutely in no rush.

 

Leliana lifted her gaze just as Thalia opened the door right in front of them. She waited for her friend to spot her, and then waved for her to join them.

That morning she had strategically decided to have breakfast with the Inquisitor and some other of his companions; it was a perfect opportunity to introduce her.

With the discerning calm that had always marked her, she approached the table and stopped just behind an empty chair.

The Spymaster swiftly rose from her seat, promptly attracting everyone’s attention.

‘Inquisitor, may I introduce you a dear friend of mine?’ she said with a smile.

Iazell Trevelyan turned around to look at the newcomer, quickly getting up to greet her properly.

 _Such a fine gentleman_ , she thought while lightly bowing.

‘My name is Thalia, Inquisitor. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, and I hope you will excuse my intrusion. I’m merely here to provide my aid to your cause.’ She introduced herself sweetly.

Well, it seemed that her manners hadn’t gone completely rouge, then.

‘The pleasure is all mine, Milady.’ He responded with a charming smile. ‘And you don’t have to worry, any friend of Leliana is much welcomed here at Skyhold, even more so if it brings help along.’ She offered, gesturing for her to take a seat.

Thalia sat down trying to hide a chuckle that was threatening to escape her lips; it was the first time in years that someone had treated her so formally without really knowing who she was.

Leliana shot her a reprehensive look and she chastised herself in check.

‘Aren’t you going to introduce us as well, Charming?’

Iazell frowned at Varric’s chosen nickname for himself, but ultimately obliged him.

‘This is Varric Tethras, renowned author and rogue.’

‘Ah, Master Tethras! I’m a big fan of your works, I must admit I’ve read them all!’

Leliana couldn’t help but laugh when she saw her friend beam with excitement. She had always been a very good reader, always had a book in hand when she could, it probably was something she had picked up growing in the circle, she guessed.

Varric chuckled, definitely pleased to have one more fan among his acquaintances. 

‘l live to please’ he stated, mimicking a bow.

‘Lady Josephine Montilyet, Ambassador to the Inquisition.’ Iazell went on.

Josie nodded and smiled to her.

‘It is indeed a pleasure to have you here, Milady. I’ve heard much of you.’

A spark of knowledge had lit the Ambassador’s eye, a sign which obviously meant that she knew who she really was.

Oh well, she had confidence that her secret was now even more secure than ever.

‘The pleasure is all mine, Ambassador. I’ve heard many things about your extraordinary work too.’ Thalia offered back.

‘And this – the Inquisitor motioned to her right – is Dorian.’ He simply said.

Thalia smiled fondly as she noticed the warm look he had on his face when he had said the other’s name. His words could have omitted it, but his eyes spoke volumes to her.

‘I’m Dorian of House Pavus, formerly of Minrathous.’ He introduced himself, taking her hand plating a very soft kiss on its back.  

‘A pleasure.’ She smiled back.

It was an awful lot of smiling that she was doing, her jaw was starting to ache.

‘You said something about aiding our cause, – Iazell then said, recalling her words – does that mean that you're going to join the Inquisition?’

Thalia immediately stiffened in the chair, though her smile didn’t drop, but her eyes did dart to Leliana, who shrugged. The decision was hers to make, after all.

‘I’ll be honest with you, Your Grace, that was not in my intentions.’  She confessed, sipping the coffee that a maid had gently brought her.

Even though she was not looking at him directly, she could sense his mild disappoint.

‘Then-‘

‘Forgive us, Inquisitor. I must steal Thalia from you for the moment. I promised her I’d find her a proper job for the time she remains here.’ Leliana interjected the man’s question.

Thalia sighed in relief at her prompt intervention; she didn’t wish to make their first conversation uncomfortable, and that was where it was going if he insisted for her to join.

‘I’m afraid I must go.  – She offered, standing up. – It’s been a pleasure meeting you all.’

 

‘Thank you, you totally saved my ass in there.’ The woman muttered as they made their way through the battlements.

Leliana chuckled, she still found it funny when she was bad mouthed.

‘I am afraid that the Inquisition inner circle is very sharp-eyed, I do not know for how long you will be able to keep your identity unknown.’ She explained.

‘Well, I gather your Ambassador already knows the truth.’

The Spymaster nodded.

‘Josie has as many eyes and ears as I do across Thedas, she might have picked up the news of your arrival.’

Thalia scowled and started mumbling half-assed swears under her breath, which caused her friend to laugh. 

‘If being discovered has you so on edge, then I probably _should_ mention the Ben-Hassrath spy...’

Thalia gawked at those words, and her feet even came to a stop.

‘A freaking Qunari spy? – She exclaimed – Maker’s balls, when were you going to mention that?!’

That was it. Leliana’s last strand of composure went astray and she lost it completely.

 

Commander Cullen was warned of the presence of someone approaching when a musical laugh reached his ears. He glanced up in confusion and saw Leliana approaching with an unknown woman at her side, which only added to his confusion. Seeing the Spymaster so relaxed was a novelty for him, her stoic façade gone and her eyes glimmering with mirth.

It was a rare sight, he decided.

Soon the two women came to a stop inside his office, and the Sister’s stoic expression was back in place. Though he could still see the remains of laughter in her gray eyes.

‘Commander, it’s good to see you already up. I trust you’re feeling better today.’ The Sister observed, implying not-so-subtly that she knew he hadn’t probably moved from his desk all night and that she disapproved of his continuously straining himself.  

‘I do feel better, thank you.’

He paused.

‘Did you need something?’ he then inquired, as the other had given no further replies.

‘Yes, Commander, may I introduce you a dear friend of mine, Thalia.’

Cullen, who was already standing, bowed in respect. When he rose he drifted his gaze on the newcomer.

Her cropped auburn hair, the cutting cheekbones and those green eyes felt oddly familiar, like he had already seen her somewhere. 

‘A pleasure.’ He said, momentarily keeping his doubts to himself.

Thalia simply returned the bow, but kept her mouth shut.

Leliana must have had a twisted sense of humour or something, because it almost felt like a joke to her.

Of all the hundreds of thousands of people in the whole of Thedas, the one most qualified to take up the job of Leader of the Inquisition forces had to be _him_!

She remembered him very well, the young Templar that had been present at her Harrowing and the only survivor among his own Order after the Blood Mages’ uprising.

‘Thalia has kindly agreed to help the Inquisition in its mission. She is a former Warden and has some major information about Clarel and Corypheus she wants to share with us. She also wants to be of use in a more practical way, which is why I decided to lend you her skills.’ She declared with a wicked smile plastered to her face.

Both parties involved immediately snapped their attention back to her, both with wide eyes and mouth hanging open.

Cullen shook himself first, lightly coughing into his fist.

‘I don’t think that’ll be necessary, Sister. Surely there are more _fitting_ tasks that Lady Thalia could be assigned to.’ He said tentatively, which caused said _Lady_ to frown in disappointment.

Was he being sexist? Implying that she couldn’t manage her way through reports and troop movements?

She scoffed under her breath and went on mumbling something that neither of them could quite make out.

In that moment she felt like blowing up her cover and rub in his face her being _both_ the Hero  and the former Warden-Commander of Ferelden.

‘I’m sure, _Commander_ , that my skills could prove useful to you. You do look like shit, if you ask me.’ She bluntly spat at him, earning a glare from Leliana.

She didn’t care to be polite, she just wanted to assert her position; make clear that she was no petty Orlesian who didn’t know which end to hold a sword.

When she focused back on the man, she noticed him looking at her in awe, his mouth ajar as if he was about to say something but did not know what.

‘I-I’m sorry if I have offended you, Milady, it was not my intention...’ he stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Thalia sighed.

‘None taken. I just want to make clear that I know what I’m doing. I’m no newbie to this kind of job.’

Silence fell over the room for some time before Leliana started to approach the door behind them.

‘Very well. If this is settled, I’ll leave you to work out the details of your _collaboration_.’ She concluded in her all-business voice.

‘I’ll see you at dinner?’

‘I’ll be there.’ Thalia accepted with a smile.

They had a lot of catching up to do.

 

By the end of the day, Cullen and Thalia had fallen in a sort of nice pace; he sat at his usual place, reading and signing reports regarding new scouted areas and everything that was strictly meant to be for the inner circle’s eyes only. Thalia on the other hand, had taken charge of the roster, making up the guards’ rounds all over the stronghold – Cullen had personally given her a tour of the battlements, and also taking care of the requisitions.

She found the silence soothing, the only sound coming from the scrapping of paper whenever a page was turned. It was a pleasing change of pace, she had to admit, having a roof over your head and being around people without being wary of their intentions.

A knock on the door caught her attention; she took her eyes off of a requisition about a geological survey of the Western Approach, and watched as Dorian casually strode into the office.

‘Ah, Commander! Perfect!’ he exclaimed cheerfully, though Thalia suspected he was always so. She also had to bite her tongue not to reply at the title, _again_.

It had been almost four years since she had stepped back of her position as Warden-Commander, but it was difficult nonetheless to hear the title and not respond.

‘What is it Dorian?’Cullen asked, barely moving his eyes from the report in his hands. She wagered that the man was used to being interrupted and had mastered the art of conversing and working simultaneously.

‘Iazell sends me to, and I quote, “bring your ass to dinner”. He also said that if you refused I was to send Sera up to convince you.’

Thalia clearly saw Cullen wince when he heard that name.

The Commander sighed in defeat and glanced at her at the opposite side of the room.

‘Go, I’ll wrap it up in a couple minutes.’ She simply said with a shrug.

‘Oh, pardon me, Milady, I wasn’t aware you were here as well.’

She chuckled, happy to see that her cover was working just fine. In a normal situation in which she had presented herself as the Hero (or as Warden-Commander), no one would have ever missed her presence in a room.

‘Ah, would you like to join us, perhaps? I’m sure everyone would love to meet you.’ He offered charmingly.

 _Yeah, I can’t wait to be in the same room with the most brilliant people of the whole Inquisition and wait for someone to read through my lies!_ She thought, bitterly, but without losing her polite smile.

‘Maybe another time, I already have a dinner invitation.’ She replied apologetically.

‘Well then, have a good evening.’

‘You as well.’

The two men left the room soon after and Thalia could finally drop her smile.

Being polite was a pain in the ass, she was not used to it. During her time in the Circle there had been no need to hide emotions and she had brought that attitude with her even outside, during her journey to save the world. She was used to say what she thought, not smile and nod every two sentences.

‘Just give it another couple weeks Thalia, and you’ll be out of here.’ She tried to reassure herself.

She wanted to be sure that that was how things were going to go; that once she had given them what they needed of her and had reassured Leliana she would keep in touch, she’d leave unattached and free to go where she wanted.

‘If only I had somewhere to go...’ she sighed, getting up and walking up to the Commander’s desk.

She did not know where all that sadness was coming from, it was like an itch just beneath the skin, a feeling that would not leave her.

She shook her head and left the requisitions on the desk before walking out.

She had a dinner to attend to.

 

After two glasses of wine and a more than decent dinner, she finally felt relaxed. She did not remember the last time she had felt this light and off guard, it was nice feeling safe, for once.

The two old friends were seated on a balcony right outside Leliana’s quarters, a bottle of wine and two glasses between them, and they had been chatting endlessly for hours now.

‘I’ve been told that you have enjoyed your day, is it so?’

Thalia snorted when she detected the note of malice in her friend’s voice.

‘Why I’m not surprised you had people watching me...’ she giggled, finding her concern amusing.

Leliana chuckled, satisfied with herself.

‘Isn’t our Commander a handsome man?’ she asked, the malice now extremely forward instead of just hinted.

‘He definitely got better with time...’ she considered.

‘You knew him?’                          

Thalia’s brows furrowed; how could the Spymaster have missed that detail?

‘So you’re telling me that you got me to work with him just out of practicality and not because your sense of humour is especially twisted?’ she asked suspiciously, throwing her a side glare.

‘Well I did know he served in Ferelden’s Circle, though I did not actually expect you knew who he was...’ the other admitted.

‘He was one of the Templars in charge of my dormitory, he also was present at my Harrowing... and I could have flirted with him a _couple times_...’ she blurted out in that grumpy voice that her friend knew meant she felt embarrassed by it.

The confession obviously caused Leliana to burst out giggling.

‘Yeah, yeah... _very funny_! Let’s laugh of the poor me who had to bite her tongue every time someone entered the room asking for the Commander! It took all my strength not to reply each time! Think of how that would have gone if I had!’

She had started the sentence with the intent of pitying herself, but by the end of it she was laughing too, imagining how awkward the possible conversation could have been.

Leliana breathed in deeply, leaning back in her chair.

‘I truly did miss your company.’ She said, turning her head to look into her eyes.

Thalia did the same and gave her a fond smile, one of those that lit her whole face and showed the dimples at the sides of her mouth.

‘I did too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading and for your support! I truly enjoy writing this and I'm trying not to go too much OOC! We've met the Inquisitor and some of his companions, plus Cullen, this time, next up some interesting conversations!  
> Untill next time.
> 
> Feedback is alway appreciated :)


	3. A Liar, a Spy, a Storyteller, a Sass Master and a Soldier walk into a bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

A week had already gone through in Skyhold, each day filled with work, smiles and conversation, each day a struggle to hide herself and the effects that the, _hopefully so_ , fake Calling was having on her. Every morning it was more difficult to get out of the bed, a sense of tiredness always on her shoulders, a weight that made it difficult to fall asleep and to wake up, that gave her nightmares and made it harder to steel herself from the temptations of the Fade.

That day was no different from others; she struggled as much as she could to get her body out of bed, and when she was finally up, she made herself walk to the washbasin, splash water on her face and wipe it dry. Her hair was a mess, she noted glancing in the mirror, so she opted to pin the front back. With another effort she picked up a pair of robes she had bought back in Orlais, nothing too frivolous, but it was the perfect combo between comfort and practicality.

After another quick double check in the mirror, she went to open the door, but stopped when she heard footsteps approaching.

A knock immediately followed the steps.

‘Yes?’ she called out but nobody answered.

She waited a bit before swinging the door open in a fit of annoyance.

When she saw who was that was standing there, she simultaneously froze and felt like her knees were giving out.

There, with that stupid smile on his face that she loved so much, with wrinkles on the side of his bright eyes, there stood her lost love.

He had been her harbour during the storm, her strength, her hope for a better future...

‘Alistair?’ she croaked, her throat tight with disbelief.

‘I’m here my love.’ He answered.

Oh how she had longed to hear that voice again! She had missed it so much...

Before she could help herself, she stepped forward in his arms.

Alistair held her tight and she felt at peace, safe at last.

She breathed deeply, his scent so familiar, fresh and of..simply Alistair.

In that fragment she did not think, she just enjoyed it, she did not doubt its reality. She did not consider how unlikely that all was...

But it couldn’t have been real.

 _She_ had forced him to take throne, it was her fault only if she had lost him.

_I think is better to end it here...if I am to be King I will need to be able to produce a heir, and with both of us having the Blight...that’s not just possible, I hope you can understand._

The words he had told her before the Landsmeet came back at her like a raging river.

_I understand._

Of course she did understand, how couldn’t she! That didn’t mean she had to agree, though.

 **It’s because you are a Mage** , a voice had spoken inside of her, **a Mage cannot be a Queen.**

Something in her head clicked.

No, that was wrong.

Alistair had married Anora.

He would not abandon his people just for her.

‘You are not real, are you?’ she whispered.

‘I can be, if you want me to.’ A foreign voice spoke back.

Thalia felt a bitter laugh leave her lips while she withdrew from the demon’s arms.

When she looked up a second time, Alistair had disappeared and a Desire Demon had took his place.

‘I should have known. Be gone Demon, you have no business in being here.’ She commanded.

She rubbed her eyes and waited until she heard the demon scoff.

In a blink of an eye it was gone, and when she blinked again, she was awake. For real this time.

If she had felt like shit waking up in her dream, now she felt ten times worse. Now only the idea of taking a step out of her room made her stomach turn and her head spin.

 

The sun was already high in the sky when she made her way to the garden. She had no desire to meet anyone; feeling like she did, she probably would have dropped the lie and just told everyone to stick their questions where the Maker couldn’t see. And that _would have been_ her being polite…

Avoiding to look anyone in the face, she walked up to a bench next to the gazebo and simply let herself fall down.

She laid there, with her back on the stone and her arm on her eyes to screen them from the sun, enjoying the fresh air and the light feeling of the warm sun.  

‘What are _you_ doing here?’ a sharp yet familiar voice inquired.

Thalia opened an eye and glanced up to see Morrigan, standing in front of the bench, with a semi horrified expression on her face.

‘Yeah, well...surprise, surprise...’ she said flatly.

Could that day continue in a worse way? Now she had even lost the chance to sneak attack her favourite witch.

‘ ’Tis most discomforting that you actually managed to hide your presence.’

‘It happens when you lie through your teeth about your identity...’ she simply replied.

Morrigan raised her eyebrows, mildly confused.

‘Why?’

She did not know her to be the type to pass on her authority, she had never hidden her identity, if not for most obvious reasons.

‘I just wanted to came by, deliver what knowledge I have on the Wardens, say hi to some old friends and then be on my way...I didn’t count to be stuck here for more than a couple weeks, there was no need to announce my presence.’ She paused, and then Morrigan heard her chuckle.

‘Can you imagine the fuss? The Hero, the Campion **and** the Inquisitor all under the same roof!’ she laughed imagining the chaos that could have fallen upon Skyhold!

‘You do have a point, as always.’ The witch conceded.

Thalia smiled.

‘I do, don’t I?’ she giggled to herself.

After yet another pause she felt her leg being dragged down from the bench.

‘Where have you been all these years?’

The other woman snorted in reply.

‘Where have _you_ been. I left you in a freaking mirror and after all these years you pop up as the Empress’ personal Apostate...’

At least she had not vanished in some strange elven realm, she had just wandered the continent pointlessly, accepting jobs here and there, mainly living her life. More or less. She had not let herself lead a normal life, she just went on waiting for the day when the Calling would reclaim her life. Truthfully, she did not expect it to arrive so soon.

‘I took shelter in the Between for a while, after that I wandered, researching...’

Thalia straightened and sat with her leg crossed.

‘I’m sorry, you know...’ she said, out of the blue.

Morrigan turned to look at her, she was looking down, her hair partially covering up her face.

‘About what?’

Thalia bit her lip, her hands restless on her lap.

‘That night...I tried to convince Alistair, but he wouldn’t hear about it....he was upset and I-...I did not have the strength to make him accept...’ she said so lightly that Morrigan had to lean over to hear.

She was on the verge of tears, she could feel her eyes sting, but she had more to say.

‘When we went to the Landsmeet I already had in mind to make the last sacrifice...I had lost my love, I did not wanted to go back to the Circle and had nowhere to run to...with killing the Archdemon I’d have fulfilled my duty and thus my reason of existing. There was a part of me, though, that wished to survive...when you left you took that part with you. I **was** ready to die, when I went into battle...’

She was pouring her heart out and did not know why. Maybe she was still upset about that Desire Demon, maybe it was a side effect of the Calling, or maybe she had just wanted to tell Morrigan the truth.

They had all cuddled her during their journey, she was young and she needed to believe, but Morrigan had always had that frankness that made her pull her head out of her ass when needed...she had always felt she needed to apologise to her.

Morrigan, on her part, was, if not exactly shocked, definitely surprised. Her motives had been mostly selfish and she had proven that when she had left her friend when most needed. That Thalia felt she had to apologise to her was disconcerting.  

‘’Tis most uncanny to hear you say such words...but I will take your apology.’ Other than that she did not know what else to say to offer comfort to her friend. She had never been good at showing that she cared.

‘I suggest you go speak to Leliana, she will surely help.’ Was all she could come up with.

‘Are you trying to get rid of me?’ Thalia asked, a smirk, even if faint, painted her lips. Though her eyes were still clearly sad.

But then she scrolled her shoulders and the pain seemed to wash over her, as if it never had been there in the first place.

‘Leliana already has her burdens to bear, the Inquisition is no easy task. I do not wish to see her worry over me...it will go away...’

 _Once Corypheus is dead_.

Or so they both hoped.

 

The rest of the day she spent it trying to steer away from any kind of conversation that was going to require a fake smile, which meant basically the whole of Skyhold’s population. For once she even neglected her work with Cullen, leaving the Commander to deal with everything. For that she felt a bit guilty, but the idea of being around him felt way worse than guilt.

Around lunch she made a quick escape to the Kitchens, recovering a piece of bread and some cheese, and then she run back to her room.

It wasn’t until mid afternoon that someone came to her door, looking for her.

After the initial rush of panic when she first heard the knock, she opened to find Dorian standing there with a cup of tea in his hand.

‘The Commander was worried for you, you know.’ he had started upon entering her quarters. ‘He thought you were unwell but did not want to have a servant bother you, so I came.’ He smiled cheerfully, leaving the cup on her desk and opting to occupy her bed.

‘Thank you’ she said, sipping the warm tea. It tasted of roses and lemon, and made her head a bit more lighter than before.

‘I recognise this brand...this is a blend that they only make in Viranthium. I thought I’d never have the chance to taste it again!’ she moaned in delight, earning a pleased glance from the Mage.

‘I take it you’ve visited the Imperium?’ he asked, now suddenly curious about her background.

Thalia nodded while she continued to sip her tea.

‘I have. I passed through on my way to the Anderfells. It was actually kind of amazing and intimidating to be able to see its splendour after reading so much about it. People can be very closed minded here in the south, they have their reasons of course, but they never consider that the Imperium is not made of only Magisters and nasty mages who like to sacrifice slaves on every corner...there is people who doesn’t know any better, certainly, but mostly they only live normal lives and love their home. Here they seem to forget that, they don’t look behind the “Evil Magister who likes Blood Magic and wants to rule the world” stereotype...which is a pity, really...’

She finished her tea and gently placed the cup back on its plate.

The room remained silent for a while, and suddenly she wondered if she had said something wrong. Had she offended him?

She turned around in the chair and found Dorian staring at her, his eyes wide with surprise.

‘You leave me without words, Milady. And believe me, it’s a very difficult thing to accomplish.’

Was that a compliment? She did not now, but she decided to take it as such.

‘You may be the only person in the whole of Skyhold to have voiced my thoughts perfectly. I must say I like you indeed.’ He said, and now there were no doubts on the compliments, his voice too flattering to misunderstand the meaning.

She felt her cheeks warm and she knew she was blushing.

Had she not know him to be in a relationship with the Inquisitor himself, she would have relished the compliment more than she was doing.

After all, it had been a very long time since _anyone_ had paid her a compliment, and coming from Dorian it actually meant more than that to her, it meant that she had earned his respect and trust.

A pang of guilt reminded her that she was still lying to him, and it didn’t matter that what she was omitting was only her title, it was still a lie.

‘At any rate, I trust you are feeling better, yes?’ he asked after another pause.

‘I do, thank you.’

‘Than I must insist you join us in the tavern, tonight.’ He told her.

When she agreed, Dorian declared his duty completed, and rose to leave. He was already with a foot out of the door when he turned back.

‘The Commander is joining as well, if you were wondering.’ He added before disappearing.

Thalia stood there, a bit confused and a bit amused by his implication. Did he really think she was interested in Cullen? Yes, he was very handsome and yes, they had shared _something_ back in the Circle, but she currently did not see him as something more than a Commander.

If she had to be honest, after Anders, she had not seen a possible love interest or even mere bed partner in anyone. She simply told herself she did not deserve any.

A couple minutes after Dorian had left, another knock resounded through the room. She rose from her chair and went to open, thinking that maybe the Tevinter Mage had left something behind.

‘Have you forg-‘ she stopped midsentence when, instead of Dorian, she noticed one of Leliana’s people standing in front of her.

‘Milady, Sister Leliana requested your presence in the War Room.’ she said, bowing her head.

‘Thank you, I’ll be right there.’

The elven girl nodded and quickly turned on her heels.

She was, not in the slightest, in the right mood to attend a war meeting, but she knew that if she didn’t show up, Leliana would skin her. In the light of that, she knew that her skin was worth more than fifteen minutes of her life.

So she gave herself a check in the mirror, washed her face, and then she hit the door.

Five minutes later she was standing right next to her friend, watching as the Herald made the point of the situation with his advisors.

When she had arrived Cullen had thrown her a worried glance, to which she had replied with a short, hopefully reassuring, smile.

Now she was just there, leaning in the table, and waiting for someone to enlighten her on why the hell she had been dragged there in the first place.

The Inquisitor finally placed a miniature of a castle on a unidentified spot in the middle of the Orlesian’s desert.

‘Our next objective – he began – Adamant Fortress.’

 _Oh_ , she though, _now we are talking business._

‘Stroud said he’s sure that Erimond and the Wardens are stationed there; a quick and clean scouting would be most useful, just to be sure we’ve got the right target.’ He explained, looking at his Spymaster.

Leliana nodded.

‘I’ll send word to my agents in the Approach to make a quick inspection.’

‘Perfect, as soon as we receive an answer I want you to start making preparations on the troop movements.’ He went on, this time addressing Cullen.

‘We need to get in the keep, meaning we’re going to need siege machines.’

Josephine smiled.

‘I know who to ask.’

Thalia was amazed at how well they all worked together; they all seemed to read each other mind, always ahead of one another with the requests and the solutions.

No doubts they had made it this far in one piece.

‘Now, what can you tell us about Warden-Commander Clarel?’

Iazell was clearly talking to her now, so she made the effort of standing still and watching him in the eyes.

‘I met her several times at formal meetings while I was stationed in Amaranthine, she was always extremely pledged to the cause, even to a fault. She’s very idealistic and would do anything to fulfil her duty. If the Magister has offered her a chance to save the world, that idiot has certainly took it.’ She said sternly.

She had never liked Clarel, and now she actually had one more reason to despise her.

That excuse of a Warden had had the galls of refusing to help when they had pleaded for it, she couldn’t wait to smite her in the ass with some well placed thunderbolts.

Her little speech had earned her the incredulous looks of all the presents, who were definitely staring at her.

‘I think your insight would be most helpful on the battlefield. Would you come with us? I cannot assure your safety, but I’ll try my best not to get you hurt, I promise.’

There was a pause after the Inquisitor’s words, broken only by Leliana loud laugh.

The Spymaster was literally laughing her ass off and Thalia couldn’t help the smile that spread on her lips. Even the Ambassador, being aware of her true identity, was subtly snickering.

Iazell looked quite confused and shot a glance at Cullen, who simply shrugged in reply.

‘I think you’ll find her more than capable to defend herself, Inquisitor.’ Leliana said clearing her voice.

‘So you are skilled with weapons?’

Thalia didn’t bother to answer that, she simply hold a hand in front of her and let her favourite element, electricity, dance on her fingertips in little bolts.

‘You’re a Mage?!’

Thalia retreated her hand and glared at the two men who had asked the same stupid question simultaneously.

‘No, I just carry a stuff around because I enjoy hitting people with it...’ she sassed them, crossing her arms under her breast.

She was still glaring at the War Table when Ambassador Montilyet cleared her throat, getting everyone’s attention.

‘Are there any other matters you wish to discuss?’ she asked, always the polite one.

The Herald scratched the back of his head, thinking.

‘We’ll leave as soon as we receive words from the Agents and your Contacts. I want everyone with me, no exclusions. You and Leliana will remain here to manage Skyhold in my stead.’ He finally answered.

‘What about me, then?’ Thalia inquired.

Iazell smiled knowingly.

‘You’re coming, obviously.’

She scoffed.

_Obviously he says! Like I have nothing better to do than walk to the ass end of Thedas and kill of a freaking Demon army!_

Another pause, all eyes were back on her.

It was only when she heard Leliana cracking into another fit of laughter that she realised she had voiced her thoughts.

When she looked up on them she caught a smirk playing on Cullen’s scarred lip, which caused her brooding to falter. That damn scar did nothing more than make him even more handsome, a thing that she did not want to notice.

Even the Inquisitor was snickering, she noticed once she made herself look away from the other man’s lips.

Embarrassment started to crawl its way up her face, she could feel her ears burn already!

‘I believe we have troop movements to plan, Commander.’ She stated, trying to earn her escape.

‘That we do.’ He agreed, that damn sexy smirk still there.

With a nod she dismissed herself and quickly went for the door, promptly followed outside by Cullen and the remains of Leliana’s laughter. 

 

After that poor retreat at the War Council, the rest of the day passed without accidents, which she found rather disturbing since she had expected for everything to go rogue every other moment. Fortunately, sometimes it was refreshing to be wrong.

It was only after dinner that she was reminded that the day was not, in fact, over yet...

Cullen and her had had some food brought up in the office while they finished to work out the details for the troops displacement, and they took advantage to take a break.

‘Are you coming to the Tavern later?’ he had asked her, out of the blue.

Thalia’s hand had stopped midair with the spoon in it, her mouth half open,  a look of shock on her face.

‘Ah, yes. Dorian has kindly invited me.’ She replied.

And of course she had forgotten all about it.

She had nothing against the people of the Inquisitor’s Inner Circle, but the prospect of spending time around a Tevinter Mage, a Qunari spy, a famous storyteller and the Commander himself made her a bit unnerved. How many lies could she foist before being called out on her own bullshit? She did not know and probably didn’t want to.

‘Good, I think you need it more than you know.’ He had pointed out to her.

 _And I think you are wrong..._ she thought, looking away to avoid staring at that freaking arousing scar on his lip.

 

An hour later she was walking in the Tavern with a smile on her lips and a weight on her stomach.

The atmosphere was light and quick-paced, there were soldiers, Mages and Templars alike occupying the tables, a Bard was singing a song she had never heard before. Everyone was chatting and laughing, apparently having fun and relaxing after a day of hard work.

Drinks were being served and chugged at every table.

She looked around but didn’t see anyone of the men she was supposed to meet. When she glanced up, she finally caught a glimpse of the massive Qunari horns. Casually, she trotted up the stairs, spotting the Iron Bull seated at a table with Varric, Dorian and a strange kid who was wearing an even odder hat.

‘Ah Thalia! Here you are sweetheart!’ Dorian exclaimed as he noticed her approaching, an half-empty glass of wine in one hand.

‘I’m sorry I’m late.’ She greeted apologetically, taking a seat next to her fellow mage. ‘I went back to my room for a change of clothes.’

‘Tevinter Robes, nice.’ Bull grunted in agreement.

His lusty yet approving tone made her laugh.

‘Yeah, these are my favourites.’ She confessed, now genuinely smiling.

‘Better not wear those near the Commander, poor Curly isn’t used to so much exposed skin. Being a former Templar and all!’ Varric joked, though she suspected he was quite right in his statement.

She recalled the young Templar, embarrassed to look at her whenever she walked by in her Circle robes that were extremely fitting.

She chuckled at the memory.

‘You walk by, swinging your hips a bit more on purpose. He looks away, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he tries not to look at your body...’

Thalia snapped her attention towards the boy that had just voiced her own thoughts, shocked to hear her private memories exposed.

‘Wha-, How?!’ she asked, not sure what to say.

The other men at the table gave her a weird look before laughing it off.

‘Right, this is Cole. He’s Skyhold resident therapist.’ Varric told her, amused but serious.

‘He’s a spirit, he can read people minds.’ Dorian specified.

Right. A mind-reading spirit.

‘I’m here to help.’ He said, eagerly.

Suuuuure, why not...

Momentarily ignoring the problem, she called out to a maid asking for a pint of whatever ale they were serving, she was not picky about her alcohol like she was about her tea.

Everything worked as far as it did its job to make her forget her sorrows.

‘So, who was the poor thing you were trying to seduce, uh?’ Dorian bluntly asked making her almost choke on her ale.

She coughed into her fist, trying not to die.

Of course he would bring it up!

‘It was just some Templar in the Circle... – she grumbled, avoiding to give away too many details. – I was young and bored, had no prospective in my life other than spend the rest of my days in there...so yeah, I tried to live a little...’ she added.

A truth amidst many lies.

‘What changed?’ Bull asked.

She smiled sadly.

‘The Blight came.’ Was all she offered them.

After so many years she still was torn between being grateful or not to Jowan and his stupid attempt to flee the Tower...

‘You are scared, lost in a world that is not your own. But he is there, his smile bright and his words kind. He helps. He relies on you and you like that, you like him. And he likes you too. A gift, a rose, a kiss, and night after night under the stars...you loved him but you had to let him go...’

Once again she heard her most privates thoughts being revealed out loud. It wasn’t pleasant to feel so exposed, so vulnerable...

She was at a loss, she was not sure if to speak up to silence the boy or if to just disappear in her jug...

After what felt like centuries, she felt a hand rest on her arm. When she turned her eyes she saw Dorian smiling sadly at her. She sighed.

Pity was not what she wanted.

‘Yeah, well.. can we drop the topic, please? I’d rather be made Tranquil than spend another second being pitied, thank you.’ She spoke up, going back to sip her drink.

She heard Varric chuckle and Bull let go of a sharp breath.

‘Charming did say that you were in a foul mood, today. Something about sassing him and Curly twice in a row.’ He laughed.

She snorted.

‘What makes you so bitter, uh?’

She glared at the Quanri. Since when those giant bastards had developed a sense of humour? She almost missed Sten. _Almost._

‘Today? I’ll go with fucking Desire Demon trying to steal my soul while I sleep...’ she replied, in fact, bitterly.

 

Cullen had made it to the Herald’s Rest with just a bit of delay, but all was worth it if for a good bath.

Since he already knew were he’d find everyone, he did not lose time looking around and just went for the stairs, nodding a greeting to the few members of the Chargers who had stayed behind. As he walked up he saw them all at their usual table, conversation already flowing.

He frowned when he spotted the wide eyed expression that the woman was wearing, but then he spotted Cole and everything clicked together.

He started to walk over when bits of what they were saying reached his ears; Dorian was asking something about a _poor man being seduced_ and he halted his steps, conscious that if he had walked in he would have not known the answer to that.

‘‘It was just some Templar in the Circle... – she was saying, obviously annoyed at the Tevinter’s prying. – I was young and bored, had no prospective in my life other than spend the rest of my days in there...so yeah, I tried to live a little...’

Flashes of his _dalliance_ with the future Hero danced in front of his eyes.

He remembered well enough her attempts of flirting with him, and even more accurately he remembered how clumsy he had been.

Back then he had been but a boy of nineteen, barely a official Templar and with no experience with women; the fact that she could find him even slightly appealing was a foreign concept for his younger self. But then, with time, he had set aside his prejudices about mages, had come to know her better and, ultimately, to like her.

They had shared a couple kisses and nothing more, for she had been pulled out of the Circle not long after.

He had seen her only once more, when she had bravely freed the whole Tower from Uldred’s clutches alongside her companions.

If he thought about it, the first impression both Leliana and the now King of Ferelden had had of him was not the most flattering...

If he thought about the harsh words he had spoken to her...

He sighed and tried to shook those thoughts out of his head. Wherever she was now, whatever she was, it was someone he did not know anymore.

He stepped forward again only to stop once more when he heard the word _demon_ leave her lips.

He couldn’t help his Templar to kick in.

‘You’ve been tempted by a Demon?!’ he asked, now stepping in the conversation.

Thalia looked up at him and said nothing for a little while.

He shifted his weight, starting to feel self-conscious under her scrutiny, and his hand automatically went to rest on the hilt of his sword; but he was not carrying it.

‘You needn’t worry, Commander. I would not call it _temptation_. It was more of a “I’m gonna rub in your face the only thing you will never be able to have back until I can see you cry out of desperation” kind of thing. Once I realised what was going on, I dismissed it immediately.’ She said calmly, a sign that she was probably quite used to what had happened.

Which did not made him feel better. At all.

‘Well, shit! I think I understand your being all death glares today!’ Varric laughed.

‘Right?’ Thalia joined him.

He saw Dorian shook his head, a grin stuck on his lips while Bull was just trying not to freak too much about the whole demon affair.

‘Take a seat Cullen, hopefully you have more interesting and less filled with demons stories to tell!’ Bull cheered, rushing him to seat down.

‘Hey, I should probably tell about that one time that Curly...’

The conversation drove off its initial point of focus and to more light and humorous topics, ale kept coming to the table as soon as someone finished a jug – or a glass of wine. The alcohol kept everyone in good mood.

They were all laughing and smiling and having fun.

Only once he saw Thalia’s smile drop, and that had been when Dorian had pointed out that the Hero of Ferelden’s name was Thalia as well.

‘What can I say, it must have been popular at the time...’ she had tried to shrug off the indirect question, but Cullen noticed how stiff she now sat on her chair, her shoulders tense and her ale abandoned on the table.

Why was she so wary every time the subject was brought up? He wondered...

After a while, even Varric seemed to force the conversation back on the topic.

‘So let me get this straight: you’re name is Thalia, you are a Gray Warden, you know Red but you are not _that_ Thalia?’ he asked.

Thalia’s faced dropped.

‘That’s correct. Pretty ironic isn’t it?’ she replied dryly.

‘Maker’s balls, this is some good coincidence!’ he chuckled.

Cullen did not join him or the others, he was staring at nothing, not listening anymore.

His mind was working behind his eyes, a headache threatened to burst at any time.

He almost missed her standing and excusing herself for the night, but he quickly recovered, mimicking her movements.

‘Let me walk you to your room.’ He offered.

She looked at him with a bit of concern in her eyes but ultimately accepted.

They bid the others goodnight and together walked away, getting up the stair to take the shortcut through the battlements.

‘If you don’t mind – Cullen said after they had reached his office – There is something I’ve been meaning to ask.’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very much longer than the previous two, I hope to keep up with this lenght even in the nexts, but it'll depends on what comes to mind, I guess.  
> I did promise a bunch of interesting conversations last time, so I hope you're satisfied with it; we've got to see different sides of the Warden as well as others, there will be more povs as we go on.  
> Next up we'll see if Cullen really came through with his intuition and, of course, the Inquisition will leave for Adamant.  
> Untill next week :)
> 
> Suggestions and feedback in general are appreciated :)


	4. "Can I get you a ladder, so you can get off my back?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

Whether or not she liked to admit it, she had had fun with them.

She had to give them credit for make her go back on her own words; she had enjoyed the company, save for a couple things.

Cole bluntly reading through her private thoughts had been quite unsettling, to say the least; and what about all that talking on the Hero of Ferelden! She had almost choked on her ale when Dorian had come up with that line! And Varric, for the Maker’s sake! Were they all trying to give her another reason to die young?!

After that, she had decided to call it a night and leave; a wise warrior always know when to call for the retreat, and that sharp observation of the dwarf definitely was her cue to flee the scene.

What she hadn’t expected, though, was Cullen offering to walk her back. She had hesitated, not sure if she liked the idea of being in his company after that whole conversation...

Yet, she found herself incapable of refusing.

Walking on the battlements, as the Commander had proposed – a shortcut, he’d said - , she kept to herself, only occasionally stealing glances at the man walking by her side. He seemed lost in thoughts, brooding at something.

She knew that Cullen was a clever man, but she truly hoped his brain to be a bit dented and unable to put together the dots.

In utter silence they finally reached the door to his – theirs? – office, slowly coming to a stop in front of it.

He opened the door but hesitated to step in.

He seemed to fidget a bit, switching his weight from foot to foot, looking at everything but her. When he finally looked up, she faintly thought she was going to be in trouble.

‘If you don’t mind... – he paused – There is something I’ve been meaning to ask.’

_Yup, here we go. Bring it on._

‘Ask away, Commander.’ She replied, trying to keep the conversation on a formal ground.

She knew what was going to happen, she tried to brace herself.

They both stepped inside and shut the door behind.

With a swift movement of her hand, Thalia lit the candelabra on the desk.

She stood a bit awkwardly in the middle of the room, her arms folded on her chest in a mere attempt to shield herself.

Cullen sighed a barely audible sigh and leaned against his desk.

Under the dim light he seemed even more tired than usual, dark circles under his eyes, shoulders heavy.

‘You’re _her_ , aren’t you?’ he asked, after a couple minutes.

She scoffed.                                                  

Of course he’d picked up the crumbs.

‘You’ll have to be more specific than _that_. I am many things.’ She answered, sarcasm dripping out her tongue.  

She was so **not** going to make things easy.

She was staring right at him and she immediately noticed when a line of distaste formed between his eyes.

She smirked.

He might not have been a Templar any longer, but his stoicism had remained the same, if not worse.

‘Do you want me to spell it out for you?’

His voice was annoyingly unreadable.

Was he sassing her? Was he getting mad at her? Exasperation maybe? Or Disappointment?

She could not say thus she kept her thoughts for herself.

‘Thalia Amell, formerly of Kinloch Hold and most recently Hero of the Fifth Blight...’ he said grimly, as if he was speaking more to himself than to her.

‘Can we skip to the part where you yell at me? This one is making me uncomfortable.’ She deadpanned.

It was then that Cullen started to stare at her wide-eyed.

‘Maker’s breath why would I yell at you?’ another sigh leaving his scarred lips.

She cocked an eyebrow up and stepped closer.

‘Why not.’ She plainly offered.

Everyone yelled at her at one point. Or cursed her.

Being them nobles that found themselves in her presence without knowing and then being upset about their manners, Wardens that saw her more like an abomination – _“She slew the Archdemon and survived!””How is that possible?””She must be a Blood Mage!”_ and so on... – or peasants that bowed to her as if she was a goddess among men.

‘You must have your reasons for hiding it, I don’t blame you.’

Always the compliant one! How infuriating!

‘You’re damn right I have. And I expect you to keep it to yourself, Commander. – she ordered him. – I don’t care if the Inquisitor or Andraste herself come knocking at your door demanding to know, you are going to keep your mouth shut.’ She imposed in that commanding voice she hadn’t used in years; a “ _Did I make myself clear?_ ” hovering in her look.

Cullen frowned, not very much used to receive orders from others.

‘I think it would be wise to tell at least the Inquisitor, before we set out for Adamant.’

And, apparently, he was not good at following them, either.

‘Andraste’s tits! Were you always so stubborn?! I said **no one**! – she cried out, nudging at his shoulders. – Can’t you just nod, smile and do as I say?’

Perfect, now she was the one yelling.

He simply crossed his arms and stared at her with that stern look that had probably made various individuals ran away in fear.

She didn’t falter.

He didn’t budge.

‘Fine! – she said, stepping back and turning on her heels. – You speak with the Inquisitor, I’ll go pack my things. Good luck with the Demon army.’ She sneered, ready to walk out on the Inquisition.

It had never been her battle, who cared if the world ended, she was going to die pretty soon anyway.

A firm grip on her wrist stopped her retreat.

Cullen pulled and she turned around to face him once more.

‘What.’

‘Are you serious? You’re going to leave for such trivial detail as your identity?!’

Now he was raising his voice as well.

He was annoyed at her, at this woman he barely knew.

She wanted to shout back that for her it was more than a _trivial detail_ , that every time someone called her Hero, all the sacrifices she had made, all the people she had left behind, the future she had denied herself, all those things came rushing back into her face.

She wanted nothing more than to forget.

‘You are not the only one whose values changed, Cullen. I’m not the same girl you left at the Circle...things changed...I did.’ She instead heard herself say.

The Commander found himself at a loss for words. She was right, he knew. In ten years he had changed and so had she.

He sighed.

‘Whatever, do as you please. I don’t care anymore.’ She finally announced, freeing her wrist from his hand.

The faint feeling of his heat not leaving her even after his hand was gone.

‘Whether he knows or not, whether the Inquisition knows as well, I will be gone after Adamant. You’ll never see my face again.’

And deep down he knew she was telling him the truth.

After whatever was bound to happen there, she was determinate to leave and don’t look back. Where to go was unsure, but everywhere was better than Skyhold.

He knew he could not convince her to do otherwise, so he simply watched her go.

When the door closed behind her and the echo of her steps had dissolved, he was left with a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Adamant.  
> I swear that writing this I basically had a vision of what it's going to happen down the line. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! :D  
> (I'd really like to know what you think about this, if you think that this thing between them can go somewhere, because I'm not sure where it could lead .-.)


	5. Oh Gray Warden, what have you done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title taken from one of the DaI tavern songs, Oh Gray Warden.)
> 
> This chapter has been revised!

They set out to Adamant a week later. The trebuchets had been delivered without problems, and Leliana’s people had confirmed Stroud’s lead.

The Inquisitor had left with some hours of advantage on the army, leaving Thalia behind to aid the Commander with the troops.

‘You helped him plan, you help him move ‘em.’ That’s what he had said while riding off on his Hart.

How the hell could he ride that thing she could not say.

But she couldn’t really judge...she could barely manage to stand being on a plain horse...

Now she was riding next to the Commander, their – his – men marching neatly behind them.

She was nervous, the thought of the impending battle did nothing to smooth her nerves and the cold air of the Frostback seeping in under her armour was only adding to her discomfort.

She kept fidgeting on the saddle, with the only result of making her mare as nervous as she was. 

After the horse neighed for what seemed the hundredth time in several minutes, Cullen finally spoke up.

‘You should try to relax, the animal feels your uneasiness.’

She glared at him but did not reply.

It had been that way since their conversation that night in his office. He spoke, she replied shortly if needed, if not, she kept quiet.

She suspected he had not spoken to the Inquisitor about her, since the man had not approached her, but she could not be certain – he could have told him to keep it to himself and forbidden the man to seek her out.

And that meant she got to keep a grudge on him, a thing she was quiet good at. Leliana could remember well how much she loved to keep her grudges, the girl.

Cullen was almost at his wit’s end, he did not know how to handle her, how or when or even _if_ to talk to her; it was starting to wear on him.

He sighed, and his Lieutenant, who was riding just a few paces back, snorted in response.

‘Do you have something to say, Lieutenant?’ he turned, a deadpanned look on his face.

The poor man shook his head and muttered something under his breath.

‘Come again?’ the Commander asked once more through gritted teeth.

‘With all due respect, Commander, but if you keep sighing like that the men are just going to rename you “The Horse of Ferelden”...because, you know,  lions don’t actually do that.’ He scoffed again, his voice definitely too amused for Cullen’s tastes.

With the tail of his eye, he caught a smirk growing on Thalia’s lips who was obviously trying to hold back a laugh. That made him relax a bit.

‘Just consider yourself lucky – he said to his subordinate -, if we weren’t going in to battle, I’d kick your ass all the way there.’ He told him.

‘Yes, Commander.’ He replied, a smug little grin stuck on his lips.

Cullen shook his head and muttered something under his breath when he heard some of the front line’s soldiers stiffen a laugh.

The only consolation he got out of that whole conversation was the relief of seeing a smile pulling at the woman lips.

‘Should I ask Leliana to make arrangements with the Blacksmith to have a new set of armour made for you, when you return?’ Thalia joked once he hurried his horse to pull up to hers.

‘I’m glad my frustration is making you feel better...’ he mused.

She glanced over at him, now fully smiling, and the Commander felt some of his tension flow out of his body.

She was no longer in a foul mood and for that he was grateful, even if it had meant for him to get mocked by his second-in-command.

They fell silent for a while, both of them picking the right words to say next.  When they finally got to speak up, they ended up talking on each other.

‘I, uhm..’

‘You know-‘

Cullen couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw the hint of embarrassment colour her cheeks. It kind of reminded him of the girl he knew so many years ago, so forthcoming but afraid to say the wrong thing...

‘Please, go ahead.’ He offered her.

‘I wanted to apologise... – she said softly, her voice barely higher than the thumping of the army. – It was wrong of me to vent it all out on you.’ She said, looking away.

‘I’m sorry too.’ Cullen told her, and she looked back at him, a hint of surprise in her eyes.

‘You are?’

He frowned.

Why was she so taken aback by that? Hadn’t she been holding a grudge on him for a week?

‘As I said, you had your reasons. I should not have pressed you.’ He explained.

She was about to retort but decided against it, better leave things as they were without getting in pointless arguments, again.

‘Thank you.’ Was all she said before going back to concentrate on how to ride her horse without dying.

 

It took them almost a week to finally reach their destination. The Inquisitor, who had travelled a lot quicker than them, already had a camp set up on the outskirt of the fort.

In a matter of hours everything was prepared at full speed: tents went up, the soldiers were now rested and prepared, the machines ready to be put in position.

Thalia watched from her place at the improvised war table, listening to the last details of the attack; they were going to approach at dusk, taking advantage of the dark and the low temperatures.

‘Once we are in we’ll have to split, our men will need aid in securing the battlements.’ The Inquisitor said, receiving an approving nod from Cullen.

‘I’m taking Dorian, Bull and Cassandra with me along with Stroud. Hawke you’ll get the south wall with Sera, Varric , Blackwall and Vivienne. Thalia, you’ll have the Chargers, Solas and Cole; your objective the north wall. We’ll clear the way to the main hall, I expect to meet you all there.’ He concluded, checking with everyone if the instructions were clear. When they all gave their assents, everyone was left free to go prepare for the oncoming battle.

It was going to be rough, she knew.

‘If you need to check on the details, speak with Krem.’ Bull told her before leaving to his own tent. His face was telling her straight and clear that he wanted his Company back in one piece.

As things were, it was more probable that the Chargers would have to scoop _her_ up the floor...if she had to be fully honest she was indeed a bit out of shape when it came down to a fight as tough as the one  they were going into.

‘You’re in good hands, the Chargers are an excellent company.’ Cullen told her when he noticed her contrite face.

She snorted and turned to face him, noticing that he was still bent on the table, analysing the carts of the fort structure.

‘Yeah, it’s not them I’m worried about...’ she trailed off, coming to stand next to him.

The Commander glanced at her, brows knitted in mild confusion.

‘If you have any concern about Solas or Cole, I assure you-‘

Thalia did nothing to hide an eye roll.

‘I’m confident they all know what they’re doing but me? I really can’t say.’ She said, crossing her arms and almost pouting.  

At that Cullen gave her a fully confused look.

The Hero of Ferelden, who had single-handedly killed an Archdemon and then survived against all the odds,  was standing next to him, telling him that she thought she wasn’t ready for battle.

‘You must excuse me, but I do not believe so.’ He replied.

Thalia chuckled at the blind trust of the Commander.

‘Obviously, Cullen, you must have forgotten the five year gap between being Commander and now...I did not have many chances to keep myself in shape to battle massive forces as this one.’ She pointed out, matter-of-factly.

Cullen seemed to stop to consider her words. He was pretty sure she could still handle herself in battle, but she was being reasonable when she said she lacked the training to face the impending battle.

‘If it is of any consolation, some things come natural after some time, even if you are out of shape.’ He smiled, the corner of his scarred lip pulled up.

Thalia smirked, giving him an amused side glance.

‘It helps a bit, yeah.’ She laughed lightly.

‘Good.’

 

A couple hours later, the Inquisition was ready for the assault; and ready were even the Wardens, impossible as it was to miss a  bulking force as theirs camped right outside the door.

Thalia stood at the edges of the fight as the soldiers started to climb up the walls, the trebuchets fired and the battering ram cracked open the massive gate. What felt like hours were in fact only just minutes, and soon enough they were launching inside, fighting off the first resistance of the Wardens.

Once the courtyard was clear they stopped for a moment while the Commander caught up to them.

‘From here on you are on your own. We’ll try to keep the battlements clear but we’ll need all the help you can give us.’ He said, approaching the Inquisitor.

Iazell nodded briefly and turned to them.

‘You know what you have to do, I’ll meet you all at the entrance of the Main Hall. I don’t want to see anyone missing, did I make myself clear?’ he demanded.

His companions all shouted different things, occasionally overlapping one another but ultimately agreeing with their Inquisitor not get themselves killed.

Thalia obviously agreed too; she had no desire to end her life there, in that hole of disgrace, killed by those who should have been her brethren.  

She was about to set off with the other when she felt pulled back; turning around she noticed Cullen’s hand holding her back.

‘What is it?’ she asked, taken aback by the gesture.

‘Don’t get yourself killed.’ He said, a grim seriousness burdening his traits.

Thalia gave him a soft smile of reassurance, though her words held none in them.

‘I won’t make any promises, Commander.’

And with that she left, leaving him with wide eyes and a clutch on his heart.

All he could do was watch her go, the Chargers, Solas and possibly Cole at her heels, running off into Maker knew what danger, with her staff in one hand and a sword strapped to her waist.

 _A sword? Why would a mage need a sword?_ He thought as she disappeared up the stairs.

 

Being in the heart of the battle was indeed as Cullen had said: it came fairly natural, much to her surprise.

The way to the battlements had been a rather quick affair, the whole lot of them against a handful of Warden warriors.; once up there, though, the situation had started to become a bit more hectic.

As promised, the Chargers had outdone her speculations, revealing themselves as a force to be reckoned with, heading into danger with their heads down and weapons up, they had cleared the way for the most of it. Cole was a mere shadow, moving so quickly from enemy to enemy that even her struggled to keep up with his movements, eventually giving up entirely. Solas was very skilled, she could see the Fade bending at his every desire, shaping in what form he more needed, was it a barrier, a stone fist – a spell that she was quite proud to know herself, or something a bit more practical like ice.

She was somehow holding back, trying not to cast too flashy spells that could give her away, saving her Mana pool for more critical situations. Sadly, her specialisations both involved a lot of Mana usage, and as much as she had practiced in the years to increase the accessible amount, there was always a risk to overdue herself.

She had been mostly using her element of choice, shooting thunderbolts out of her fingertips and charring up some Wardens that had escaped or survived the first attacks.

When they reached one of the towers openings, though, she found herself forced to draw from her reserves: hurrying along, the whole company had come to a stop when they found their path onward blocked by a Pride Demon.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake! Are you shitting me? A fucking Pride Demon?! Maker’s hairy balls!’ she cried out, clinging to her staff like her life depended on it.

All of her companions turned around with both amused and shocked faces, giving her rather questioning looks.

‘Don’t look at me like that, I’ll take those bloody Darkspawns over demons anytime!’ she told them, stepping forward.

She heard laughter behind her when she passed them all and stepped closer to the bloody thing.

_I hate these damn huge pieces of shit, they use thunders as well meaning my elemental attacks become fucking useless. Ugh._

She stepped nearer once again, finally coming to a stop when she reached what she considered a both strategic and safe point of attack.

With a swift movement of her stuff, the air near her started to flicker and change. In a matter of seconds the air seemed to solidify around her, forming a perfect circle. Then it started to swirl and quickly raise until it disappeared over her head.

Focusing on her spell, she distractedly heard Solas hum in approval.

Of course he’d recognise the technique, _Dirth'ena Enasalin_ was something that had always belonged to his people, after all.

With a smirk, she readied herself for battle, calling onto her Mana pool to serve her at its best.

‘HEY!YOU HUGE ASSWIPE! TIME TO GO DOWN!’ she shouted at the demon’s back, watching said creature turn around to face her.

Stealth wasn’t exactly her thing, but this way she could provide it for others.

She heard everyone else falling on guard, ready to move as soon as the monster would attack.

The Pride Demon didn’t waste any time in assessing the situation, the big douche just laughed tremendously loud boosting his guard, and promptly launched itself onto them.

The Chargers were quickly intercepting his line of attack, standing between her and the Demon, while she saw Cole disappear and reappear behind one of his legs, his daggers sinking in the flesh.

Solas cleverly threw a barrier around the warriors, catching even Thalia, though he was not sure how much she’d need a simple barrier.

With a slow breath, the former Warden-Commander rose her arms in front of her, staff still clenched in her right hand, and words started to drop from her lips.

Solas listened the faint whispers of the woman, almost immediately recognising the spell she was about to cast.

He was pleasantly surprised to see a mage take on such combination of techniques; both the Arcane Warrior and the Battle Mage required an incredible amount of Mana to be mastered, and this woman seemed to be able to juggle between the two without much difficulties.

Impressive.

Soon enough, with all of them acting as her cover, the spell was ready to be casted.

The temperature started to drop rapidly and soon ice was covering everything around them; she focused once more, trying to direct the ice in the direction of the demon. Crystals began to form on the Pride Demon’s legs, slowing it down, until both of them were entirely covered in ice, making it impossible for the thing to move.

‘BRING IT DOWN!’ she ordered to her companions.

Without making her repeat it twice, Cole and Skinner appeared in a blur behind its legs and both slashed the skin with their daggers.

The demon groaned in pain and fell back, making the stone floor shake for the impact.

‘Nice.’ She muttered to herself right before sprinting towards the now fallen monster.

As she run, she felt the familiar thrill of the kill creeping up her spine; it had been years since she had done that, but it felt no different than going for the final blow on an ogre.

Once she reached the helpless Pride Demon, she quickly casted a Shimmering Shield just in case; one could never be too careful with giant monsters!

‘Time to go back in the pits of hell...’ she announced unsheathing the sword from her waist and securing the staff on her back in one swift movement.

Spellweaver seemed to came to life the moment her hand touched the hilt, a blinding blue light emanating from the blade.

Without further hesitation, she lifted the sword over her head and planted it right in the monster’s heart.

The Pride Demon let out an high pitched scream and then, as it never had existed, disappeared in the wind leaving behind just ashes.

Letting out a sigh, Thalia brushed the ice off of her armoured robes and turned back to her companions; they were all looking at her like they had seen some sort of ghost, which was hilarious since they had just defeated a freaking demon...

‘That was...’ Krem started, almost unable to keep his mouth from hanging open.

‘Incredible. I’ve seen only few mages able to master both techniques this well.’ Solas concluded for him, though she suspected the younger man’s words would have been a little more colourful.

Thalia bowed her head slightly at the elder mage compliment, accepting it wholeheartedly.

‘I thought I’d been a bit more rusty after all those years, good thing I turned out to be ok.’ She chuckled, switching once more between the sword and the stuff.

‘Good thing indeed.’ Solas agreed, moving to follow her onwards.

 

They made it to the Main Hall with little to no resistance, meeting with Hawke and the others halfway.

Now they were all standing ready in front of the massive door, silently listening to what was going on.

It seemed that Erimond was pressing Clarel into doing something, when they heard another man’s voice saying  he’d gladly give his life to save the world, they all drew the line.

The Inquisitor burst through the door, but before he could even say anything, the Magister spoke first.

‘Ah, Inquisitor! We meet again, at last.’

Clarel stood next to him with bloody hands, and Thalia couldn’t avoid the growl that made its way up her throat.

‘Come to assist to my final victory over you?’ he went on, so sure of himself it almost hurt to listen.

‘Yeah, as if I’d stand here doing nothing while you sacrifice half of the Order’s members!’ he scoffed.

‘Ah! And how would you stop me? These Wardens freely decided to gave their lives to end the Blights!’ Erimond threw in his face.

‘You are only deceiving this men! You are using them to serve Corypheus!’ Stroud’s voice came from beside her.

All the Wardens turned to the Magister with horrified faces; it was obvious they did not know what they were doing, or at least not really.

‘Corypheus?’ she heard Clarel asked in disbelief.

Her shocked face was what made Thalia snapped.

‘Andraste’s tits Clarel! Get your head out of your ass for once!’ she yelled, taking a step forward. ‘You’ve always been stupid, but trusting a fucking Magister? Clearly I still hadn’t a low enough opinion of you!’ she barked, enraged like she hadn’t been in ages.

Clarel eyes immediately followed the voice and went wide when she recognise the woman standing in front of her.

‘You..?!’

‘Yes, me! Now get your ass down here or Andraste save me, I’m going to drag your sorry bald head myself!’

As she spoke she could feel all the eyes of her companions on her; suddenly she realised that such an outburst could have easily given her true identity away, though she knew that right there what mattered most than her secret was saving what little remained of her people.

‘You know her?’ she heard Erimond ask the other woman with defiance and annoyance.

‘I do, she’s-‘

‘Who I am is none of your business nor relevant right now.’ She cut her off.

After all the efforts she had gone through to blend in as a simple no one she surely wouldn’t let a random freak get in her way.

‘Oh...I see.’

Thalia clenched her teeth and said no more. She had the feeling that the more left her mouth, the more the Magister understood, and she wanted to give him nothing further than that.

Everyone was standing still for some time before the mage spoke again.

‘We shouldn’t waste anymore time Clarel, let’s proceed.’

The Warden remained still for one more moment and Thalia could clearly see her make a decision.

‘Bring it through!’ she shouted at the Warden Mages standing around the rift.

And of course she made the wrong one.

Maker that woman could be dumb!

‘Stop!’ came the Inquisitor’s voice. Iazell stepped next to her, determination carved in his face.

‘I wouldn’t stand against the Wardens if I didn’t think your power was being misused!’ he declared.

Thalia nodded. That was indeed a valid argument, she had to recognise, too bad she was way out of herself to bring it up herself.

It also seemed enough to make the warriors wonder and falter.

They all turned to their Commander, waiting for an answer most likely.

As they looked at her she looked at Erimond, doubt clear in her eyes.

‘Clarel, we’ve come so far. You are the only one who could do this.’ The Magister tried to convince her.

‘Perhaps we could test the truth of these charges, to avoid more bloodshed.’ She replied, clearly not convinced by her supposedly ally’s words.

Erimond groaned at her indecision.

‘Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally.’ He said, turning to face the crowd once more.

‘My Master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!’ he announced, hitting the ground several time with his stuff, red sparks flying all around.

 _Uh uh...bad news!_ Thalia couldn’t help but think while an high pitched roar filled the air.

Seconds later a Dragon flew down their heads unleashing a breath of black and red fire. It circled the hall and then flew up on one of the gate’s towers, sitting there and watching down.

 

Everything that happened next was so quick, they all struggled to keep on with what was going on.

Erimond had fled and Clarel had run after him, the mages had brought _another_ Pride Demon through and now they were on the chase on more time.

The Inquisitor had run first followed by Dorian, Bull, Cassandra, Hawke and Stroud after instructing the others to stay back and help the Warden warriors to fight back the demon. That _others_ had included her too, but Thalia was never too good at following orders – she had always been the one giving them, which was why she was running with them instead of staying back.

Fortunately they all were a bit too preoccupied fighting back Shades and Terrors to notice the addition to the group.

After what felt like hours, the chase finally came to a conclusion at the top of the fortress.

What they saw was Clarel beating Erimond to a pulp and the man saying something about it being all her fault. And then, out of nowhere, the High Dragon came down on Clarel, crushing the woman under the weight of his leg.

And that was it.

There was no way she could have survived that...

The Dragon started to make its way towards them, a menacing growl coming out of its throat.

And then they heard it, a faint whisper but still audible...

‘In war, victory...in peace, vigilance...in death...-‘ a blinding lightning bolt shot from her fingers into the dragon’s belly, sending him howling backwards.

Caught off guard, the beast started to fall down, the floor crumbling under its weight.

_Shit!_

If they didn’t hurry they were going to be caught in the slide as well!

They started running back and soon she noticed the Inquisitor running in the wrong direction.

_What the hell is he doing?!_

She then spotted Stroud on the ground, struggling to get on his feet.

 

One moment she was calling out to him to hurry, the other they were all falling down.

 

 _That’s it then...so much for freedom..._ she found herself thinking bitterly.

The ground was getting closer and closer, there was no way not to end up dead.

She closed her eyes and readied herself for the impact...

Suddenly a green light flashed behind her shut eyelids and everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...turns out I suck at writing battle scenes! Another reason as to why this chapter was delayed so much, I'm afraid!  
> You all know what comes next, I just have to figure out how long to make it...there will obviously be some...revelations, but we'll see! 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated :D


	6. In Death, Sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

The first thing she noted when she finally managed to open her eyes, was the unnatural green light hovering over her.

The second thing she noted was that all her muscles were screaming murder.

The third thing that hit her was that she was still alive.

‘What the hell?’ she groaned, trying to raise herself from the unusually soft ground.

She looked around, taking in the details of her surroundings.

 _Rocks...more rocks...water..The Black City...more rocks...more water...wait a second!_ Her head snapped back to the side and her eyes went wide in disbelief.

‘What the hell?’ she groaned again.

‘Do you know other pained exclamations or are we settled with the one?’ a voice asked from behind.

She turned quickly, spooked by the sudden intrusion.

‘Hi there.’ Hawke replied to her frightened expression with a smile.

He was laying on the ground, his arms stretched back to sustain himself.

She gave a quick confused glance before realisation hit her. She looked down and suddenly understood why the ground was so soft...

‘Oh, I’m sorry...’ she quietly apologised before getting up with no small amount of pain.

Hawke chuckled and followed suit, accepting the helping hand she was offering him.

‘So...are we..?’ she trailed off, resuming her scanning of the place.

‘Physically in the Fade? Yeah, totally.’ The rogue confirmed.

‘Terrific.’ She deadpanned, crossing her arms.

They were in the Fade, physically...

Her eyes focused once more on the Black City, its silhouette looming menacingly in the distance. It seemed so close yet so far, ready to mislead any unprepared gambler with its illusion.

‘Thank the Maker you are alive!’ Cassandra’s voice came from somewhere near them, catching both of their attentions.

Thalia watched as the Seeker rushed to them, followed short by everybody else.

‘Glad to see we are all in one piece, though I could have one or two things to object about this solution.’ Hawke quipped.

Thalia hadn’t decide yet if he used his humour only as a defence device or if he really was just walking sarcasm.

There were indeed many other solutions she could think about instead of a not so pleasant visit in the Fade, though she was glad to be still up and kicking, in a measure. Also it seemed that all of their party had fared the trip pretty well, no one seemed to be injured at least.

‘What happened, do you know?’ Thalia asked Iazell once he caught up to them.

A shade of tiredness clouded his face but his eyes were still pretty attentive and on guard.

‘The Anchor saved our lives...I think. I was falling and put my arm forward, next thing I know I’m falling in a rift...again.’ he answered, obviously grateful to be alive but equally annoyed to have been at the mercy of the mark once more.

‘This is of incredible relevance, but didn’t we promise not to get stuck in ominous realities again?’ Dorian added with a sigh.

Iazell chuckled and side hugged his lover.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll protect you and your moustache.’ He said, smiling like a love sick fool.

‘Oh where would I be without you, Amatus.’ The Tevinter replied mockingly.

Thalia smiled at the little exchange and for a second she forgot they all were in a possible life threatening scenario.

‘I hate to kill the atmosphere, but we still need to understand how to get the hell out of here...’ she threw there and was rewarded with everyone’s attention.

‘I second that.’ Bull grunted beside her.

Between them all, he possibly looked the more distressed.

 _Well, it’s not a surprise, is it?_ She thought, remembering Sten distaste for demons and magic in general.

To be physically transported into the Fade was a shocking experience for anyone, but for a Qunari she was sure it was ten time worse.

‘We came in through a rift, we should be able to go out the same way.’ Cassandra reasoned.

‘There was the one in the main hall when we left...’ Stroud added, stroking his moustache.

‘Right, if we can find it here we might be able to pass through it and go back.’ Dorian concluded.

Of course it wasn’t going to be a stroll in the woods but at least they had to try, because being stuck there wasn’t exactly a choice.

With a little more planning, they set out on what seemed to be the only path they could follow onwards.

 

It turned out that being in the Fade in flash and bones was not the oddest of things that was going to occur that day. Apparently, what remained of Devine Justinia had decided to aid them in their quest. None of them was sure that what they had seen was really truly the Devine...it could have been a great many things as they exactly weren’t in a simple place, but it seemed the spirit wanted to help so they avoided to question it.

Justinia had also cleared a few things, the best being that she was on their side, the worst that, at present, they were running around the Nightmare lair, namely one of the most fearful demon they could stumble upon.

‘Isn’t that terrific.’ Hawke voiced everyone’s thoughts.

It didn’t take long for that game of hide and seek to end; soon enough the Nightmare found them and obviously decided it was time to play with them a bit.

‘Ah, Inquisitor! I see you come to visit with interesting company.’ A voice almost purred out of the blue. ‘A broken Qunari, a renegade Mage, a lost Seeker, a failed Champion, a poor excuse of a Warden and a fallen Hero...how delightful!’ it went on, sending shivers down their spines.

The group immediately came to a halt, trying to make a sense of what they just heard.

‘This is fucking creepy.’ Bull grunted, his muscles twitching in disgust.

‘Agreed.’ Hawke replied.           

They stood for several moments, waiting for what they guessed to be the Nightmare to speak again; but the voice stayed silent and soon Cassandra urged them all forward.

It was better to keep moving and do it fast.

So they did, killing their way through the Fade, fear after fear.

And when the voice spoke again, they did not stop, they all pretended not hear the cruel things it was saying, trying to get in their heads, and pushed forward.

‘Ugh. Why does it have to be spiders?!’ the Inquisitor lamented after yet another wave of fears.

‘You are seeing spiders? ...Lucky.’ the Qunari said grimly.

Thalia wholeheartedly agreed.

Her fears had took a much more realer and painful form to torment her...each one of them had the face of someone she had let down in her life...

Jowan, Irwin, Gregoir, Morrigan, Alistair, Anders...even Cullen had been amongst them...

With each kill her heart got colder and her resolve stronger.

She would not be broken by mare illusions just because an asshole of a demon had decided she should.

‘I wonder... – the deep menacing voice suddenly said, like on cue. – Do your companions truly know who they are travelling with?’

Thalia immediately stiffened, her arm stretched out in the middle of an attack.

‘I see; the mighty Hero once again lied out of cowardice. How many times does this make? A hundred? A thousand? You are no more than an empty memory! You stumble in this world like nothing more than a shadow of yourself. How pitiful!’

For as much as she wanted to yell back that all those things were none of its business, that she was free of doing as she pleased, she could not muster the strength to do so.

The demon was speaking the truth, she had stopped living years ago, now she was merely a ghost of that proud Mage and Warden she once had been.

But the cruel irony of that all was that now they all _knew_. There was no going back; the Nightmare had sadly spoken the truth about them all, there was no reason to think it was lying about her.

So now they knew.

She could see the pieces of the puzzle coming together in their minds; she breathed in and steeled herself for the outburst she was sure was coming.

She closed her eyes and waited.

When Bull’s laugh cut through the silence, she almost choke in surprise.

‘I love to win!’ he shouted and turned to the Tevinter with a giant smug smile on his lips.

Dorian glared at him.

‘I should have known better than bet against you...’ the mage groaned.

‘Ow, don’t be a sore loser Dorian!’ Bull chuckled giving him a bone-breaking pat on his shoulders.

Thalia was left speechless in front of that display. Did they really bet on her lies?

‘Why am I not surprised...’ she muttered, shaking her head.

‘Why was I not informed about this?’ Cassandra cried, giving her the best of her exasperated looks.

She opened her mouth but she anticipated.

‘It was Leliana, wasn’t it?’ she asked.

Thalia smiled sheepishly and nodded, at which the Seeker let out a disgusted noise.

‘I should have known...’ she trailed off, probably too tired to argue any further.

‘The Hero, the Champion and the Inquisitor walk into the Fade – Hawke said, barely repressing laughter –, it’s like the perfect start for the joke of the century!’ he observed.

‘It’s an honour knowing you, Milady.’ Stroud bowed, making her slightly uncomfortable.

‘No need to be this formal...’ she pleaded.

‘Well, that explains those kick ass spells you can cast.’ The Inquisitor finally joined in.

When she looked over to him, he was grinning.

‘You should have told me sooner, I would have loved to spar with you!’ he smiled, beaming with excitement like a little child.

She frowned.

‘Yes, always the pragmatic one, _Amatus_.’ Dorian commented, walking over to him.

Iazell smiled back to his lover, a _what can I say_ look painted on his face.

Thalia was utterly astonished at their reaction; she’d expected everything but such a quick acceptance.

Maybe she should have listened to Leliana then, trusted her when she told her she could safely drop the act within Skyhold.

 _Old habits die hard, I guess_.

‘I suggest we keep going, we should not linger in this place for too long.’ She found herself saying, the voice of reason like she always used to be.

Everybody agreed with her request and the group soon resumed its rhythm.

 

‘To quote Varric, “Well shit”.’ Hawke once again voiced everyone’s thoughts.

They were all standing still at the exit of a cave, a giant spider blocking their way through.

A wave of intense light suddenly blinded them and the spirit of the Divine appeared in front of the monster. She levitated upwards, arms stretched out as a cross.

‘This is all I can do!’ she cried out, and soon after the same bright light exploded, immediately followed by an high pitched screech.

When they reopened their eyes the monster was gone, in its place stood a _thing_ that seemed human but had six arms that were spider-like.

‘Another motherfucking spider...’ she heard the Inquisitor hiss under his breath.

Well of course it was going to be spiders for him again. Not surprising.

It truly was a pain in the ass that the Nightmare had to keep fucking with their heads even during what was supposed to be the final confrontation...

She sighed.

The only thing that kept her grounded was that that blighted demon could only go that far with its twist and, even though he now had Alistair’s face, at least the voice remained the low, growling, disgusting, blood chilling one of the Nightmare.

She braced herself and stood ready to fight and end that charade once and for all.

After that, the fake calling would hopefully end and she could go back to her shadows, hidden from the world and any responsibility.

She almost felt relief fill her up while she started casting, supporting her companions blow after blow, hit after hit.

When the Nightmare retreated only to unleash another wave of fears, she did not let the faces of her mentors and friends shake her resolve, she fought harder and harder.

It was only after what felt like an eternity of spells and mighty blows that the Nightmare finally fell under the Seeker’s blade.

 _Another_ blighted pitch resonated through the unlimited space of the Fade and, finally, the demon dissolved into ashes.

They quickly regrouped, ready to take a breath, assess the damages and then get the hell out of there; but before any of them could say the word, the ground started shaking again.

Soon enough the Nightmare’s giant pet came out of its hiding.

It wasn’t that surprising anymore, Thalia thought. After all, nothing ever went well and clear when it came down to this kind of things.

In a frenzy they all started to flee, the Inquisitor companions right ahead of him, Hawke and the two Wardens. They saw them jump in into the rift, but before they could do the same, the giant spider cut through their way.

‘Someone needs to distract that thing or else none of us will get through!’ Hawke cried out to be heard over the terrible noise.

‘Hawke is right Inquisitor!’ Stroud sadly agreed.

They both turned to the man, each face a mask of serious righteousness.

‘I’ll do it. Corypheus is my responsibility after all.’ Hawke offered.

‘No, this is the Wardens’ doing, a Warden must make it right.’ Stroud counter attacked.

They bickered for a couple more lines while Iazell tried to make yet another decision that would weight on his head for the rest of his life.

Which was going to be much more shorter if no one made a move.

‘Stroud is right. The Wardens fucked this up and the Wardens will solve it. Which is why _I’m_ staying back.’ Thalia suddenly cut in their conversation.

The three men regarded her wide-eyed, but when they made to speak, she hold up a hand.

‘I’ve already survived once when I was not supposed to, if I die now, the balance will be restored.’ She explained.

She was set on her decision, nothing they could say would make her falter.

Thalia bowed her head in respect and immediately turned and run towards the monster.

If she was going to die, she could at least do it with a valid motif; and for once her soul would be at peace.

 _If I catch you by the Maker’s side, Clarel, I’m going to slap your face so hard you’ll wish to be back in the Archdemon’s mouth!_ She thought, unsheathing her faithful sword.

She stalled the spider until she saw the rift pop and disappear, after that, she was ready to set all hell lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more I'm incredibly sorry for the delay, but at least now I can safely say I will upload every two week more or less!  
> This chapter has been a challange, to be honest....again, I'm not good with fighting sequences!  
> Next up we will see people dealing with grief, and maybe someone unexpeced will show up? Stay tuned :D
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read, followed and/or favourited! You keep me going!  
> Feedback is always welcome, as per usual!


	7. When you're gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

The relief that had washed over him as he watched the Inquisitor follow his companions, Hawke and Stroud out of the rift, had soon been replaced by a sense of helplessness and distress when Iazell had closed said rift behind him and Thalia had yet to come through.

As soon as he had finished to explain the situation to the crowd and recruited the Wardens – a decision he made a point to address later -, Cullen charged at the Inquisitor, demanding to know about the woman.

Iazell sighed and tentatively looked him in the eyes.

‘She...sacrificed herself in order to save us all...’ he said, grief and guilt weighting his voice.

Dorian came up to him, put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed gently trying to comfort his lover.

‘The Nightmare...it revealed things about her...you knew she w-‘

‘The Hero? Yes. Maker’s breath! She finally managed to kill herself!’ he let out, frustration, pain, loss, grief eating at his bones.

What made it worse, was that he could actually picture what she had thought, her reasoning!

She had survived the Archdemon when she wasn’t supposed to, of course she’d throw herself at another blighted monster!

But maybe that was the point, no? She had already survived one impossible thing, why not two?

No, he shouldn’t have hoped. The Fade was not something to take lightly, after all.

Even in the remote possibility of her survival, without the Anchor she’d have no way out.

However her fight would end, her decision had meant a very clear death sentence.

As realisation quietly sunk in, he found himself in need of distraction. He needed to do something, anything to make his mind stop thinking.

He had lost her again, and this time there were no second chances.

His first love was gone and he suddenly felt empty like never before.

‘I’m sorry...’ he faintly heard Iazell say, though he wasn’t really listening.

Cullen shook his head and turned on his heels, his legs moving on their own accord. In that moment neither his head nor his heart really cared about where he was or what he had to do.

He finally snapped out when he felt the temperature drop. He was back in his tent.

The Commander sat back at his desk and let out a shaky breath.

_Andraste preserve me...she is really gone...Thalia..._

A single tear managed to escape his watch, falling silently on the untidy desk with a dull noise.

Cullen buried his face in his hands, unable to do nothing else if not grieve for the loss of the only woman he had ever loved in his entire life.

 

 

Skyhold had only just started to wake up when the raven had arrived in the rookery. Baron Plucky softly landed on the wooden railing and cowed to attract its master’s attention.

Leliana, who had been absorbed in her prayers ever since she had received news of the Inquisitor disappearing into the Fade along with his party, immediately rushed to her personal raven.

The missive was quickly removed and unrolled, and a quick scanning through it made her heart falter.

It was a brief report that merely stated the survival of the Inquisitor, his companions, Hawke and Stroud.

The Spymaster sighed in relief knowing they were all back to safety, but before she could put her heart at rest, one last line caught up with her.

 

_‘I’m terribly sorry to tell you this via raven, but I feel you should be informed as soon as possible. The Hero, Thalia, did not make it back. The Inquisitor says she stayed behind in order to save them._

_I am so sorry for your loss._

_Commander Cullen’_

No.

No, that couldn’t be true.

Thalia was...

She was... _gone_.

Leliana felt her heart shatter into pieces.

The pain rushed back in with more strength and decision than ever.

It was all as the Denerim’s final battle again, when she’d seen with her eyes her friend strike the final blow on the Archdemon and the fall down unconscious and dead. Only this time no miracle had occurred to save her from her fate.

 **Thalia Amell was dead**.

The weight of it fell on her all at once, making her knees weak.

Grief, anger, sadness, hope, resignation, all rushed in her veins at once and for a split moment her vision blurred.

The light steps on the stairs brought her back to reality.

The two scouts that appeared, stopped on their tracks and regarded her with worried glances.

‘Are you alright Sister?’ one dared to ask.

The look that Leliana shot them was enough to dissuade them from asking further. The two hurried to recover whatever they had come looking for, and quickly disappeared down the stairs.

For the third time in her life, Leliana found herself unable to process her grief.

She wanted to scream, cry, punch a wall, hide, flee...too many feelings were assaulting her at the same time...

She took a deep breath and walked back to her chair, falling down on it with little reservation.

First of all she had to focus.

Thalia’s death meant many things needed to be done and many letters to be written.

A new pain insinuated in her heart as she thought of all the people that would’ve want to know about it and that would be hurt once they had known.

She sighed.

One person in particular needed to be informed, but Leliana didn’t know if she had the strength the be the bearer of such grim news.

 

Morrigan was a bit surprised and a bit annoyed when she noticed Leliana approaching her. She was currently engaged in a particularly difficult and crucial reading about the Eluvians and didn’t wish to be interrupted.

The Sister seemed to be unaffected by her several glares and walked to her with a certain urgency in her steps.

Morrigan glanced up at her only once the other woman came to a stop right in front of her; the furrow on her face and the grim light in her eyes told her that something was clearly amiss.

‘I need a favour.’ Leliana simply said, handing her the piece of parchment she had been holding in her hands. 

 

King Alistair was walking the gardens when a servant urgently approached him.

‘Your Majesty, your presence has been requested in the Throne Room.’ The elven man announced, is voice definitely more wary than Alistair remembered it usually being.

‘Is something wrong Hayden?’ he asked, a bit preoccupied by the restlessness of his manservant.

‘A woman, she said her name is Morrigan. She said you know who she is and demanded I brought you to her lest I wanted to be turned into a toad!’ the other replied frantic.

For a moment Alistair was taken aback by the name, then anger took the place of confusion.

The last time he had seen the Witch had been the day before the final battle in Denerim. She had abandoned them without even thinking twice. He had suspected Thalia knew the reason, but she never shared.

Soon he regained his composure and followed Hayden through the gardens and inside the Palace.

The last he had heard of Morrigan had been through Leliana; the Spymaster had kept him updated about the Inquisition’s improvements, and so he had come to know about Morrigan’s role as well.

Which still didn’t give him any reasonable explanation as to why she was there in the first place.

‘I should have imagined your manners could not improve despite your role, you still are as slow as you were ten years ago. Maybe worse since you’re old, now.’

The familiar and annoying voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and soon the sound was followed by the figure of the Witch, standing in the middle of the room dressed in that flashy outfit of hers, behaving like she owned the place.

‘I see I’m not the only one who’s left unchanged.’ He replied, dismissing Hayden and stepping closer.

Morrigan ‘umphed’ and added nothing more.

Alistair was starting to feel that uneasiness that had always liked to crept under his skin whenever she was around, so he went ahead and asked her why she was there.

‘I’m here on official business on behalf of the Inquisition.’ She stated, matter-of-factly.

This was Alistair’s turn to sarcastically ‘umph’.

‘And the Inquisitor didn’t have someone else to send? Anyone? A raven? A kitchen maid?’ he argued.

‘I’m afraid the Inquisition’s forces are momentarily occupied elsewhere. And Leliana thought it best to give you this particular news as soon as possible, hence my presence here.’ She explained, and Alistair could swear he saw sadness enter her eyes, though it was soon gone.

‘What is it then.’

Morrigan looked conflicted, which made him start to panic.

‘We should speak in private, I do not wish to be overheard. And I think you would like to be seated.’

Alistair regarded her with worry in his eyes.

If Morrigan was being considerate then something was really, _really_ , **really** , wrong.

Was Tevinter invading?

Was a new Blight coming?

Did the Maker finally come back?

Or was Orlais thinking of adopting a massive hoard of Mabari?

 _Slightly_ panicking, he led her into his office and closed the door after himself.

Once they were both seated, Morrigan looked him right in the eyes.

‘Did you know that Thalia was at Skyhold?’ she said and a breath caught in his throat.

He did not.

He had lost her traces many years ago when she had resigned from the position of Warden-Commander; after that she had very much disappeared.

And now she was back. So close.

He couldn’t lie. He missed her very much.

His wedding with Anora had always been only political, and even if during the years they had build a somehow solid relationship, he could never forget the love he still held for his fellow Warden.

‘How is she?’ he asked, eager to know about her wellbeing.

‘Very much dead, I’m afraid.’ Morrigan answered bluntly.

The words went firstly over his head, then circled back and hit him in the face with such power that all air was punched out of his lungs.

He thought he didn’t understand, maybe he had misheard, it had happen with Morrigan before, when he was too bored or annoyed to keep listening to her, but the expression she was wearing was very much serious.

‘She’s...dead? How?!’

No, that couldn’t be true...

It **_had_ **  to be a lie...

‘She entered the Fade along with the Inquisitor and his companions, she stayed behind to make the ultimate sacrifice and distract the demon that was producing the fake Calling. Or so I’m told.’

So she had sacrificed herself...again!

Why would she even do it a second time? Wasn’t killing an Archdemon and survive enough?

When he said as such, Morrigan gave him a sad look.

‘She was not the same woman we both remembered. The Thalia Amell you think you knew was long gone, I’m afraid...’ she explained.

Silence settled between the two old comrades, a pause of reflexion that brought Alistair to make a decision.

‘I will return to Skyhold with you.’ He announced after a while.

Morrigan was obviously surprised but did not try to dissuade him.

‘If it is what you want.’ She simply replied.

 

That same day many ravens left Skyhold holding the news of the Hero’s death.

That same day many were the people who grieved for the loss of a dear friend.

That same day Thalia Amell woke up to discover she had survived yet another non survivable task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo....I suck at writing angst??? Yes, yes I do.  
> Lucky me, from here onward the mood should light up a bit ahaha  
> Next up I'm not sure what I'll come up with, but I have a couple ideas on how to rescue Thalia fromthe Fade .-.  
> As always, thank you very much for the support!  
> Remeber, feedback is always welcome!


	8. Back to Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! THIS CHAPTER FEATURES MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND DEPRESSION, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRECTION.
> 
> (Title inspired by Giovanni Allevi's composition, go check it out!)

_Why am I alive?_

That was the first thing she had thought upon waking up in the Fade for the second time.

She was supposed to be dead, her wounds too many and too bad for her to be alive.

She was supposed to die in order to restore balance.

And yet her heart was still beating, her blood still pumping and her mouth still breathing.

When she went and tried to stand, a sharp pain in her ribcage made her think twice; well at least she _had_ broke something in the fight.

It hadn’t been easy, and when she had fallen, on the verge of passing out, she had really thought that was it, she was dying. There wasn’t an inch of energy left in her body, that damn thing had really been hard to put down...

‘Fucking spiders...’ she muttered, still laying face down on the greenish dirt.

As she slowly regained consciousness and strength little by little, realisation dawned down on her.

She was stuck in the Fade.

Stuck in the _fucking_ Fade.

Andraste flaming ass, and now what? Without the Inquisitor and the Anchor there was no way out...none that she knew about anyway.

She had been in the Fade before, but never physically, she had no idea if the usual ways would work...

Maybe if she found a particular place where the Veil was especially thin..or if she could find a very big amount of lyrium...But how?

She didn't even know if this area of the Fade reached out over the realm of the defeated Nightmare...

'Why do I always find myself in this kind of situations?' She sighed grimly.

With a painful groan she rolled over and the greenish sky took over the greenish ground. Not much of a view to be honest...

Why, in the Maker's name, had she even decided to go to Skyhold in the first place?! She'd missed Leliana very much, but nothing was worth the amount of shit she had already gone through!

It was one thing sacrificing herself in hope to finally fulfil her own destiny, it was another to survive said sacrifice once again.

Why couldn't she just die? It wasn't like she had more than another twenty, twenty-five years to live anyway...

Was there even a point in getting up, assessing her wounds and try to heal?

In the end, the Nightmare had been right about her...she was no more the proud and stubborn leader; everything she'd been she was no longer.

She remembered perfectly the day everything had started to go astray...

After Anders had left one day, fleeing without leaving anything behind, there had been nothing to hold her there. Being Warden-Commander had never been something she'd truly wanted, but circumstances had made her so. Being the only Warden, aside from Alistair, to have survived the Blight in Ferelden had pretty much set it for her.

Anders had been a good lover and even a better friend and confidant; he'd been her support through difficult times.

Once he had disappeared she had found no reason to remain and serve. After promoting Nathaniel to Warden-Commander she had gathered her things and left. For once she would do what she wanted, travelling through Thedas as she often had dreamed while reading in the Circle's library.

But dreams not always end up the way one imagined, and what should have been her long agonized freedom, soon turned out to be a journey straight down into a depression pit.

The loneliness had been impossible to bear on some days, others she felt helpless and sometimes she couldn’t find a reason to go on with her life.

Somehow, with what little happiness she had left, she had managed to go on.

Until the day she had started to feel the Calling.

The scars that covered her wrists told a clear enough story of those days.

But her scars had always made her stronger, and when Leliana had shown up with an explanations and a request for aid, she had taken the chance.

‘Maybe it was the right thing to do, maybe not…it’s not as if I’ll ever find out…’ she whined to no one in particular. Not that there was someone else beside her…

As unexpected as a summer storm, a thought passed through and clicked in place.

There was no one there, but it should have been.

The Fade was the realm of dreams, a place that was often visited.

Maybe she did have a chance, after all.

 

Skyhold was in havoc.

Just two days after the Inquisitor’s return from Adamant, another unexpected guest had arrived at the fortress’ gate.

King Alistair Theirin had shown up unannounced and pretty upset, demanding an audience with the Inquisitor.

Leliana had tried to dissuade her old friend in to patience, but he wouldn’t have it.

‘My patience run out three weeks ago.’ He had said, casting a glare to his travel companion.

At that Morrigan had simply scoffed and disappeared into the Gardens.

No one exactly knew why the King of Fereldan had bestowed Skyhold with his presence, but the head of the Inquisition had a pretty clear idea as to why he was there.

By then all the Inner Circle had been informed of her true identity and, even though many had already guessed, they all grieved the disappearance of the Hero.

Iazell had sadly noted that both Leliana and Cullen were broken to pieces, and where the Spymaster had simply closed up in her shell of cold indifference even more, the Commander had lost his sleep and peace of mind.

So when he saw even the King barging in the main hall, Iazell had to admit to himself that he wasn’t exactly surprised to see him.

He had taken for granted that his Spymaster had already sent out word to her former companions and friends, he was in fact more surprised to notice he had come alone instead.

Swiftly, he rose from his seat and strode to catch up with Leliana and Alistair.

‘This way your Majesty, if you please.’ He said, making his presence known.

 Without further hesitation, he steered them towards his quarters. That way they would be able to talk in a more casual environment than the War Room would have provided.

He didn’t want to make this conversation unpleasant for any of them.

Alistair silently followed the Inquisitor to what he guessed were the man’s private quarters, but once inside he pinned his feet and spoke up; he was tired of waiting, he wanted to know.

‘I believe I’m owned an explanation.’ He demanded.

Iazell could easily sense the hint of graveness that tainted his voice and took no offense.

He knew that his relationship with Thalia had ended years ago, but it didn’t mean he had no right to know.

Iazell sighed.

‘Your Majesty-‘ he begun, but the other man immediately held up a hand to stop him.

‘Please, call me Alistair.’ He said.

The Inquisitor nodded before proceeding.

‘Alistair, you must know that before we went in to the Fade, I had no idea that she actually was the Hero. My friends had pretty much figured it out, but I’m afraid I was left out of the gossip out of sheer fun. But what I want you to know is, had I known the fragile state her mind was in, I would have never brought her with me to Adamant. I do not wish to endanger my companions, but I’m afraid that it is what I did.’ Iazell confessed.

Alistair was slightly concerned in hearing this directly from the Inquisitor too.

Morrigan had told him something akin when she had gone to him, but he probably hadn’t believed her too much. An habit, he supposed.

Leliana caught his doubts and immediately cut in.

‘I know it’s hard to believe Thalia could ever have a frail side, but these past years have been rough on her. The Calling was eating at her slowly, and even if she didn’t mention anything, I noticed the scars on her wrists…’ she explained.

Realization washed over the room, leaving both men overwhelmed by the sudden confession.

What in the Maker’s name had happened to her in these years to lead her to self-harm?

Alistair could barely imagine what had caused her so much despair…the proud woman he knew, his lovely Thalia would have never done something so terrible to herself…

‘Please Inquisitor…I need to know.’ He begged, his eyes pleading to know and horribly close to tears.

 

It took Iazell something near two hours to account all the facts happened between her arrival and her passing, two hours of pain and rare momentarily solace whenever Alistair and Leliana would remember something happy and funny about her.

‘Before we got out of the Fade, she said something about restoring the balance with her death…’ he added as his report reached the end.

‘Of course she would say something as righteous as that…’ Alistair whined, massaging his temples.

Listening to Iazell’s words had really made him ask himself if the woman that had come to Skyhold was truly the same he had known all those years back…she sounded so…different…

But maybe that was the point, after all.

He sighed and leaned back on the chair. He did not know what to say.

She had tried to save the world once more and killed herself in the process.

And know his first love was gone and he could do nothing to bring her back.

It sounded so…final.

‘Eyes open, heart beating. Still alive but trapped with no way out. Maybe I could reach out to someone? But how to do it? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know! I want to help! We have to help her!’

The sudden intrusion had them all jumping in their seats. They turned to see Cole standing at the foothold of the stairs, eyes wide and worried, hands fidgeting with the trim of his shirt.

‘Cole?’ Iazell called out to him, approaching the Spirit. With apprehension he searched for his eyes and when finally managed to have him look at him, he cringed at the contrite expression the kid was wearing.

‘What is it Cole? What has you so preoccupied?’ he pushed.

The spirit fidgeted some more before speaking again.

‘You keep saying she’s dead but she is not! She is trapped, she is scared, she wants out!’ he almost yelled, now panicking and nervously strolling up and down the room.

No one knew exactly what to say at his words, and fortunately no one had to think too hard as seconds later the door opened to reveal Solas, seemingly out of breath, coming up.

‘Is everything alright Solas?’ Iazell asked, now more worried than just a moment ago.

Solas was always composed, even when covered in blood the mage did not lose his cool, to see him so dishevelled was… _distressing_.

The elder mage took a deep breath and in a split second his usual demeanour was back in place.

‘I apologize for my sudden intrusion Inquisitor, I did not expect Cole to rush off so abruptly.’ He explained, lightly glaring in the boy’s direction.

‘Solas, focus. Is Cole telling the truth? Is Warden Amell still alive?’ he prodded, not prone on losing precious time.

The elf nodded.

‘I believe your friend is still alive but stuck in the Fade.’ He announced, this time addressing Alistair and Leliana.

Both of them were incredulous at best, suspicious maybe, but certainly hopeful.

‘How can that be?’ Leliana asked, her voice as light as a feather.

‘I’ve seen her in battle, she certainly is a force to be reckoned with. Though I’m told she was in a very frail state of mind, I believe she still had the strength and determination to defeat the Nightmare’s monster and survive. My personal considerations aside, recently I kept hearing a distressed call for help while I slept. Sadly it was too faint to locate it, but today I was finally able to do it; when I found myself walking the halls of Adamant I saw her, or to be more precise, a mere shadow of her. But there was no mistaking it. She was pleading for help, reaching out in the realm of dreams…’ Solas trailed off.

There were, of course, details that he was omitting; but it was as much for their sakes as well as for Thalia’s.

He knew there was only one way she could have reached out in the Fade beyond being asleep; and since it was highly unlikely she had stumbled upon a reserve of lyrium – and even more so that she was in fact a somniari – there was only one other solution, one that was better not to mention.

This time around was Iazell who started to pace the room, the gears in his head spinning loudly in search of the better way to act from there.

‘So she’s trapped in the Nightmare’s lair…how do we get her out?’ he asked.

‘The same way you got in _and_ out before.’ Solas patiently answered.

There were a thousand doubts in the Inquisitor’s mind, first of all was the most practical.

‘But how can we be sure that the rift I open _here_ will lead _there_?’

That was an excellent question, Solas noted, one he too was not sure could answer precisely.

‘Nothing is certain, but I believe that opening it in the same spot and pouring in the right amount of focus should do it.’ The mage spoke pragmatically.

Alistair though couldn’t help but frown.

‘And what if it doesn’t work?’ he cautiously inquired.

The elven apostate looked him right in the eyes and in his stormy gaze he could see the truth.

‘Then I am afraid we all live with our guilt.’

Once again the King of Fereldan couldn’t help but think that the whole situation felt dreadfully final.

 

Commander Cullen was drowning.

Since his return from Adamant, the symptoms of withdrawal had made themselves known more forcefully than ever before.

He knew that the point of no return was getting nearer by the hour, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

He was tired and broken, his mind was haunted, and the only things that helped him were alcohol and work.

And he had had plenty of both in the past weeks.

Everything was good enough as long as it made him stop thinking.

And at this point, he was pretty much digging his own grave.

A knock on the door got him distracted.

‘Come in.’ he half shouted before emptying the glass of whiskey that he was holding.

The door pushed open and in strolled the Inquisitor followed by Leliana and…King Alistair.

Cullen seemed to sober up in a fraction of second and stood up to properly greet his visitors.

‘Your Majesty, Inquisitor, Sister.’ He said.

Iazell caught the scent of the strong liquor and cringed.

Cullen looked like shit and there was no denying it this time. He remembered the conversation he had had with him just before Thalia’s appearance about his withdrawal…judging by the scene in front of his eyes the symptoms had shown up with more vigour than ever.

‘Is it…Cullen?’ Alistair asked, squinting his eyes and observing intently the man in front of him.

‘It is. It’s a pleasure to see you again My King; even though I’m afraid the timing is unpleasant this time as well…’ he answered, his head bowed.

Leliana watched in silence from the edge of the room.

It was sad to see Cullen reducing himself in this sorry state; his whole being was emanating sorrow in waves…

She had known practically nothing about Thalia’s life in the Circle and, by the little she had understood by her words, her relationship with Cullen had been something more than a simple flirt and spare kisses. He was probably mourning the loss of more than a simple youth fling…

‘Commander, I advise you get back on your feet or else we’ll leave you behind tomorrow.’ She cut in their conversation.

The three men turned to her, all regarding her with a different expression.

Cullen was confused.

‘Where are we going?’

‘Cole says Thalia is still alive but trapped in the Fade. Solas confirmed the spirit’s words and believes that by reopening the rift in Adamant with the right amount of power and focus, it could allow her to pass through.’ Iazell tried to deliver the newly acquired information with the most carefulness.

He did not want Cullen to jump in on it and take those words like gold, nothing was sure at the moment and he wouldn’t dare see his Commander broken hearted for the second time in a month.

Cullen felt hopeful and torn in equal measure.

Did the Maker truly listen to his prayers?

Was he being so merciful as to give Thalia back to him?

‘Cullen..’ Leliana voice was suddenly close, and he turned to see her standing right next to him, a hand placed caringly on his armoured forearm.

He knew what she was trying to say to him, so he simply nodded in understanding.

‘We’ll leave tomorrow after breakfast, do try and get some sleep, please…’ the Spymaster added.

‘I will, I promise.’

 

The morning after they all met for breakfast, making out the last details before setting out on the road. This time the company was smaller, meaning they could get to Adamant in about four or five days of hard ride.

‘We are going on a rescue, thus I’ll try to keep my complaints at a minimum.’ Dorian bravely affirmed while walking to the gates with his lover.

Iazell smiled and turned to kiss him on the cheek.

‘How considerate of you, Serrah.’ He mocked him sliding an arm around his waist.

He had to be honest, knowing that they had a chance to save the Hero had brightened him up, relieving his conscience quite a bit.

As they approached they noted that everyone’s but Solas was already there waiting for them.

‘Is Solas late?’ the Inquisitor joked, feigning shock.

‘I am never late Inquisitor, I was simply double checking on our supplies.’ The elf answered right behind him, making him flinch at the surprise response.

The scene caused a little laugh off the group and everyone seemed to relax a little in their mounts.

‘Good then. If you are all set I think we could head out.’

He stepped aside to his Hart and swiftly jumped on it; the animal snuffed a couple times and leaned in the touch of its rider.

Without further delay the company set out, determination and hope thick in the air around them as they all rode out of Skyhold.

 

They had managed to reach the Approach _and_ Adamant in four days and a half.

The trip had indeed been rough; they had rode from the first light of dawn and well past midnight each day, eager to eat the ground away as quickly as possible. Everyone of them was struggling with remorse one way or another and their goal could never appear too quickly.

During the long days Iazell had spent time riding alongside Solas, checking with the elder mage about their strategy and the little details they were going to need to take care of in order to succeed.

Dorian sometimes joined them but preferred to keep the Commander company, trying to distract the man from his sufferance with his babbling and the occasional game of chess, while in the night he joined his lover in their tent.

Cullen was grateful of the distractions Dorian provided him, unable as he was to do much if not converse. Sleep would elude him at night, he was too caught up in hope and trepidation to even lay still in his cot.

Leliana and Alistair had taken to tell stories of the Blight, the Spymaster enjoying teasing the former Warden a bit too much. Even though it served them both well, keeping their minds off of the worst chances.

Bull would simply pop up here and there in conversation, making everyone laugh when the mood got too heavy to bear.

In the afternoon of the fourth day, Adamant came fully into view of the party. They all sighed in relief as the fortress drew nearer and nearer and trepidation started to flicker in the air.

At the still destroyed doors was standing one of Cullen’s man; he identified himself as Captain Javer and immediately debriefed them about the condition of the fort.

‘Everything is still a big mess, I’m afraid. But we’ve managed to clear the rubble and set up a pretty decent enough camp.’ He told them as they walked inside after having left the horses to rest in the shadows.

True to his words, Adamant looked only slightly better than when they had left it, but at least it was bearable.

‘Should we begin preparations while you rest?’ the man asked as they approached the tents in one of the halls.

‘That’d be most helpful, thank you.’ The Inquisitor said, immediately slipping away from the rest with Dorian on his tow.

‘I will help you.’ Solas added and the Captain nodded in agreement.

The two disappeared towards the main hall followed closely by Cole, while the rest remained standing there quite unsure on what to do.

‘I suppose we should try to rest for a while and prepare ourselves. We do not know what is going to happen.’ Leliana gently prodded the men towards the other tents.

Sleep came to them all surprisingly enough since they all were fretting with worry and anticipation, but their slumber lasted only for a couple hours as they were roused once the sun had started its descent in the west.

 

‘Breathe deeply and focus on the Nightmare’s Lair. _That_ is where you need to reach out to.’ Solas velvety voice echoed between the empty walls of the main hall.

Iazell was standing right in front of where the old rift had been, his eyes closed and his breaths more deep and regular by the second.

Everyone else was standing around him in a semi circle, their breaths shallow and quick opposed to the calm ones of the Inquisitor and Solas.

The apostate had told them that they needed to be as quiet and steady as possible for Iazell to build and keep his focus in place.

When Trevelyan drew one long last breath and opened his eyes while rising his left arm up, the whole company fell silent and still.

Then the air started to tremble and a green light literally exploded from his hand, expanding in front of them with a loud crack.

 

She was near to giving up and simply bleed to death when it happened.

One second everything was still and deadly silent, the other an explosion roared loudly and made the whole air tremble with such force she was almost thrown off her feet.

‘Sweet Maker if it’s going to be another demon, please make it quick.’ She whispered in her desperation.

When she was finally able to regain her ground she was blinded by a green light.

It was different but the same, a bright green pulsating light was expanding right in front of her eyes and a moment later a rift popped open.

‘This… - she staggered, unable to believe what she was seeing. – This just can’t’ be….’

But it was.

The Rift was shifting and pulsating right in her face, the greenish mirror in the centre reflecting a blurry image of the halls of Adamant.

‘I’ve been saved.’ Was all she managed to say before walking towards it.

 

They waited.

As time passed the tension grew stronger, and with every minute the hope that had planted inside of them had started to decay bit by bit.

Iazell was almost resolved to give up when the ground started to shake.

‘Ready yourselves! Something’s coming through!’ he yelled at his party, fairly certain they were going to face another blighted Pride Demon or something of the like.

Soon enough the shakes became more distinct, rhythmic even, like footsteps, and suddenly they all could feel the raw power prickling their skin.

A figure emerged from the rift, she was leaning on her staff, her robes were tore in every possible part and blood was dripping off of her from _everywhere_. Her hair was a mess on her head, her eyes wide with shock.

They all noted that with every step she took the ground rumbled, waves of power washing over them.

When finally she was out of the rift and standing on the solid ground of the keep, Iazell started to tug at it and finally snapped his arm back.

The rift popped closed and silence fell thick upon their heads.

Thalia Amell was broken but alive.

The whole group just got to let go of a relieved sigh before they saw her fell to the ground, and then time seemed to move quicker and everyone rushed in different directions with different tasks to accomplish.

‘Get the healers! Now!’

One voice could be heard yelling over the others.

All Thalia Amell, Hero of Fereldan and former Warden-Commander needed to do now, was survive her rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here you are!  
> Thalia is kind of safe and alive.  
> I swear I had such an epic image of her walking out of the Fade, but I fear it stayed in my mind, sadly ahahaha  
> From here on the mood should lighten up a bit- wait I said this in the last one as well right? Well, this time I give you my word.  
> Next up some "fluff", a couple of heart shattering conversations, a hint of blood magic and some old friend popping out of the blue.  
> So, untill next time～
> 
> [I apologise if you find any mistake in this one, I finished it yesterday night and even if I've re-read it multiple times it's bound to have some mistakes here and there since it's not edited .-.  
> Speaking of which, if anyone is interested in editing this story, please let me know!]
> 
> As usual, feedback is highly appreciated!
> 
> PS: If you're curious as to what Thalia should look like, please check here!  
> (vex-the-khaleesi.tumblr.com/tagged/undercover)


	9. Let me help you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN, MINOR MENTION OF SELF-HARM.
> 
> This chapter has been revised!

Darkness had been the last thing she had seen before passing put, and now darkness was the first thing she saw when she came back to her senses.

_Where am I?_

The air felt strangely light and cool but it carried the dry smell of the desert.

_Right...I managed to get out of the Fade..._

All the events past that moment came rushing back in her memory and she trashed in her bed in a sudden discomfort.

_Wait, am I in a bed?_

Breathing deeply she tried to calm herself and imposed her mind to scan her surroundings; with one sense blocked, the others heightened.

She was indeed laying on a bed, a quite comfortable one with several pillows and fresh linens, meaning she was most certainly not in a tent of some sort. The air, as chilling as it was, was just a faint breeze coming from one side and disappearing on the other.

 _Windows_. She reasoned.

And windows meant walls, so her bed was in a room and under a roof.

But the smell of sand and dryness was unmistakable, and she doubted they had stayed at Adamant for too long even with her injuries.

That didn't leave much space to other options if not-

'Griffon Wing Keep.' A voice simply stated next to her.

But it was not just a voice, it was one she had longed to hear for so much that it almost felt unreal to feel it so close...

It was so unreal, in fact, that she was reminded of the Desire Demon that had tried to trick her before.

'Thank you for your input _demon_ , but I've just came out of the fucking Fade, I don't have the patience to deal with your bullshit.' She groaned, not finding the strength to open her eyes and look at the illusion that was probably gingerly seated at her side.

The voice chuckled at her bluntness and she heard it move.

When the bed bent under the weight of another person, she gasped.

'Is that the way of greeting an old friend?' He asked, and Thalia could hear the faint trace of amusement in his voice.

The doubt was eating at her, she needed to know if he was real.

With all the strength she could muster she tried to straighten on the bed, groaning in pain when her broken ribs reminded her that she was still injured.

'Easy there, don't push it.' He said gently, leaning towards her to help her up.

His touch felt so real and warm on her body, so familiar...

With one last breath she opened her eyes.

And there he was, smiling at her with those puppy eyes that seemed unchanged despite the years. Both his smile and his eyes were the same, the only things that gave away his age were the wrinkles forming at the sides of his eyes and mouth.

If he was aged, than he was real.

The demon had only known the version of him that she remembered, or at least a version of him that she thought could be the one to match the passing of time.

‘It is really you, then.’ She whispered, barely capable to say it out loud.

His smile faltered just a bit.

‘The demons messed with your head…’ he cringed.

It was suppose to be a question but it was not. Just looking at her pale face made him shudder; he could not imagine what trials she had suffered while in the fade…

‘I’m sorry I doubted…I just had a rough couple days, I suppose…’ she sighed and the pain in her chest made her hiss.

At that Alistair grimaced and gave her _that look_ , the one that meant “bad news ahead”.

‘What is it?’ she urged him, eager to know if she was going to die even after all those efforts.

‘You’ve been gone for almost a month, Lia.’ He confessed sheepishly.

She pondered his words for a couple seconds.

‘Well shit.’

No quote could ever bring justice to the situation but that one.

But in insight, she should have known. Time in the fade flows in a different way and there is no actual way to know if or how the time passes. Of course what she had only perceived as days had in reality been weeks and weeks.

‘So what, you actually dropped everything in Denerim and rode all the way here?’ she asked after a while, wanting to lighten the mood and actually enjoy his company for how long it would last.

Alistair chuckled.

‘Leliana sent _Morrigan_ to break the news of your… _death_ to me, can you believe it? I was so shocked and inclined not to believe her that I barely remembered to say goodbye to Anora before getting my horse and follow the Witch back to Skyhold.’ He said, laughing in the meanwhile.

Thalia ignored the pang of pain she felt at the mention of Anora and decided to focus on the fact that Leliana had sent Morrigan of all people to report such a sensitive piece of news.

She couldn’t help but snort.

‘I know right?! She even threatened to turn my servant into a toad!’ he laughed, but it didn’t last long before the mood shifted back to heavy and serious.

‘You know, I couldn’t believe you would do such a foolish thing as sacrificing yourself…not after the Archdemon, anyway. You had already tested your luck by surviving it, why would you even consider that a good idea? I thought…’ he told her, his voice soft and his eyes downcast.

‘When Leliana told me about the scars on your wrists, though, there was no denying it anymore. Everyone kept telling me how your mind was frail-‘

Thalia’s hands run on her wrists to cover them almost immediately.

‘You know nothing of my _frail mind_ , you don’t get to say a thing.’ She hissed, cutting him off and retreating from the hand he still had on her arm ignoring the white pain that flashed behind her eyelids.

Alistair looked shocked even if he should have known.

Thalia had never been one to speak freely of her feelings and had never appreciated when others tried to do it in her place.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said faintly.

‘I’m so sorry Lia…’ he repeated, scooting closer to her, his eyes locked on hers.

‘I am terribly sorry…’ he kept saying, and his hands moved to cover hers over the scars on her wrists.

He gently tugged at her hands and pulled them up to his mouth.

‘Please, forgive me…’ he breathed on her scars, right before he started to kiss them.

The feeling of his lips on her wrists, added to the knowledge that he was kissing her scars and apologizing to her, made her shudder.

For how long had she longed his touch on her once again?

Too long, she concluded as she freed one hand from his gentle grasp and moved it to cup his face.

She wasn’t thinking when, ignoring the pain, she leaned in and kissed him.

Alistair froze for a split second, and Thalia immediately regretted her action and made to pull back, but Alistair’s fingers moved in her hair, tugging and holding her close.

Thalia moaned on his mouth when he nibbled her bottom lip, pressing down just enough to hurt, and then proceeded to lick where his teeth had been. As an almost automatic reaction her mouth opened to him; she loved a bit of pain and he remembered. She could feel him smirk on her lips when his tongue slipped inside her mouth, lazily teasing and tasting her; he remembered her mouth as if the last kissed they shared had not been years ago.

Her hands moved on their own, finding their way under his shirt and tugging at it. She was eager to feel his skin on hers, to feel the heat and to hear the beating of his heart under her fingertips.  

Thalia was an inch away from Alistair’s breeches when a soft but decisive knock on the door caught their attention. It had to be expected, Thalia thought; she had just got back from the Fade, there was no way no one else was going to check up on her.

With a light sigh she let go of Alistair’s shirt, and fell back on the pillows. Alistair too cleared his voice and moved back to a reasonable distance from her.

‘Come in’ he replied to the closed door.

Solas slipped in soon after, closing it behind himself.

He quickly glanced around the room, noticing an awake Thalia with a pretty dishevelled appearance and an equally messed up Alistair.

It seemed that they had already caught up with each other.

‘I see you feel better’ his face was composed as usual, but his voice betrayed a smirk that did not go unnoticed.

‘I do. I imagine healing magic has done what it could for me.’ She said with a small smile.

The elf nodded.

‘The rest is up to your body. The only thing I can do is giving you salves to apply and brews to drink to ease the pain and heal the scars.’ He explained, back straight and hands hidden behind it.

‘I’d appreciate that, thank you.’

They all stalled for a bit while Solas tried to come up with a polite yet decisive way to get rid of the King; he had no idea where he stood about blood magic and his past as Templar did not help, hence he’d prefer to speak with his fellow mage in private.

Alistair, that against what Morrigan had always said, was not a complete fool, caught – part, if not entirely – the meaning behind the silence, and gracefully made his retreat.

‘I’ll come see you later.’ He promised with a sweet smile before disappearing out the door.

The room was silent once again, and Thalia eyed Solas carefully.

Could she trust him with the truth? After a little musing she decided that, if he hadn’t already figure it all out, he was trustworthy enough to know. He had, after all, had her back in battle splendidly.

‘Please, take a seat. I’m sure there is more you wished to know other than my conditions.’ She offered, gesturing to the chair that Alistair had occupied only moments before.

Solas happily obliged and went to seat.

Thalia noted that he sat the same way he stood, with order and elegance; his long legs were crossed with precision, his hands folded neatly in his lap and his head held high.

‘I imagine you have questions…’ she trailed off, unable to find the words to phrase the information he most certainly was after.

She closed her eyes against the new found pain pounding behind her temples.

‘I do, though I’m sure I was able to correctly guess the odds of your survival. At first I just thought that a mage, wielding the kind of power you had, would have no problem defeating the Nightmare, but then there were other variables to take in to consideration and the solution I could think of was only one: Blood Magic.’ He stated, matter-of-factly, as if he wasn’t speaking of something deplorable but simply giving an academic lecture about the facts. Which left her without words.

Solas correctly interpreted her silence and sighed.

‘You have nothing to worry about from me. I may not agree with the ways blood magic is used, but I think of it as just one kind of magic in between all others.’ He explained, and he could see his words soothing her.

‘You did what you thought was best for you and it resulted with your survival. I see no reason to expose the matter further.’

Thalia couldn’t say exactly why, but knowing that at least one person wasn’t going to run around screaming for heresy and _abomination_ made her feel a lot better.

She didn’t think that her friends would turn her over to the first templar around the corner, but caution was never enough when you where a mage.

‘I appreciate you taking precautions for my sake, thank you.’ She breathed out, slightly more at ease.

‘You are most welcome, but what I’m really concerned about right now is your recover. You suffered a heavy blood loss, if your wounds are anything to go by, and I suspect you used more to enhance your magic…’ Solas trailed off, not sure if he wanted to say the words that followed.

‘I know. I should have died. Hell, I _wanted_ to die! When I fought that… _creature_ , I did it mostly to go down in a worthy way, I did not expect to survive it. But I did. Again. And here I am, still breathing.’ Thalia said, intercepting him.

Truth be told Solas was shocked to hear those words.

He had met many kind of people in his life, yet no one had ever spoken like that to him.

She had wanted to die…

How much had she suffered to wish death over life?

‘There is something wrong with me Solas, and I don’t know what it is. But it’s eating me from inside…’ her voice was barely higher than a whisper, though Solas caught it without problems.

 _She is correct in her statement_ , he thought to himself, _but I too have yet to understand where the problem truly lays._

‘Current wounds and traumas aside, you are in perfect physical health. Whatever is troubling you, I’m afraid it has to do with your mental health.’

His words hit the target hard, and Thalia could feel the tears stinging behind her shut eyelids.

She knew he was right, she’d known for a really long time now, but it wasn’t only that.

‘There is no need to sweet-coat the truth, Solas. I’m well aware of my depression and I’m telling you, that it is not what I’m talking about…’

The apostate frowned; while he was examining her, he hadn’t detect anything out of the ordinary other than the use of Blood Magic. He struggled to understand what exactly she meant by saying that.

‘Here in the Approach my resources are limited, I’m the only one who knows how to wield healing magic and we have no other healer. If you wish we could conduct further exams once we are back at Skyhold.’ He offered.

Maybe the Grand Enchanter could provide some insight, her being a former Warden and mage.

At the mention of Skyhold, Thalia’s eyes snapped open and her mouth turned into a grimace.

Solas noticed her distress, and immediately put the pieces of the puzzle together.

‘I see. You do not wish to go back.’ He stated matter-of-factly.

She sighed.

‘I hope you won’t misunderstand my reluctance for ungratefulness, but Skyhold holds nothing for me. I came to lend my help with the Wardens and the fake Calling, not to join the Inquisition. I have nothing to offer to your cause.’  She admitted grimly, leaving out what she was truly thinking about it all.

She had already given her life to cause that had stolen her future, she did not intend to give what was left of it to another. And despite it all, she had already sacrificed herself for them.

One time was more than enough.

The mage nodded.

One dark part of him had thought the exact same thing when the sky had exploded.

The orb was his, but why should he bear the weight of a decision to misuses it when it wasn’t him who did it?

In the end, though, his better judgment, mixed with the pressing necessity to recover the foci, had settled the matter for him.

Maybe he could help her do the same.

‘I won’t force you to stay, I just wish to remind you that other than the remarkable magic you wield that would help us a great deal, you have people that care for you in Skyhold, people that came all the way here to lend the Inquisitor the necessary power to aid you. They would be most displeased to see you disappear again.’

Solas was well aware that rousing speeches weren’t his forte, but trying cost him nothing.

After he was done speaking, Thalia eyed him suspiciously.

Did someone hire him to make her feel guilty or was he doing it out of _kindness_?!

She scoffed at the tactic, avoiding eye contact with her fellow mage.

‘I’ll think about it.’ She then grumbled after some minutes of silence.

He smiled.

‘That’s all I ask.’

 

 

Solas had kindly left her alone with all the doubts he certainly had planted in her head on purpose. Why would he say all those things to her? Why couldn't he accept her decision without the need to put his own conscience to rest? Was it so difficult not to help someone for a change?

A disgusted sound left her lips as she slowly sank back into the bed and under the covers.

Thalia was very aware that not one of her friends would have appreciated her decision to leave, but she didn't want to give them the chance to interfere or try to change her mind. She just had to smile and pretend and at the first chance she would flee with the aid of the shadows. Her magic would come in handy, but for the moment she needed to rest and hope her fellow mage wouldn't mind keep one more secret on her behalf.

She stayed in bed for what was left of the day, her mind whirling around trying to figure out a strategy, and her thinking was only interrupted a couple times by Alistair - who brought her dinner and kept her company, though neither of them said a word about what had happened just hours earlier - and later by Leliana, who had hold back visiting her as much as possible on Solas' suggestion not to stress her too much. Apparently, Alistair's recommendations on her wellbeing did not satisfy her.

 

The next week or so was spent more or less in the same way. She had been forced to rest and people kept coming to greet her, keep her company and bring her food.

Everyone came by, each of them spending some time with her, chatting and updating her, or simply telling her the " _Tale of the rescue_ ", as Varric had started to refer to the events of the past week.

Yeah, everyone...

Everyone but Cullen.

She knew for a fact that he had joined the rescue attempt, thanks to Varric, but as the days passed and he didn't appear at her door, she started to wonder whether he had left or not. Until one day she clearly heard his voice coming up from the battlements that passed just under her window.

So he was still there.

And he hadn't come to see her.

To say that she was displeased was putting it mildly. She was downright furious with the Commander. He was always _oh-so-righteous_ but he wouldn't visit her after she had almost come back from the dead!

After all those days spent obediently listening to everything her healer demanded of her, there was no way, in the Makers' name, that she would just _lay_ there and do nothing now.

She couldn't say why Cullen's refusal to see her was making her so angry - and honestly she did not even want to explore the thought, but it was.

And if _he_ wasn't coming then _she_ was going.

Standing up was still painful, but Solas' balms and brews had helped a great deal and, what just a week before was a breathtaking pain, was now just a dull thrum that run all over her body whenever she made a step.

Thalia took a deep breath and went to raise slowly. The pain was there but bearable, and she started to make little steps, acquiring confidence with each one. Fortunately, she was not under dressed and was wearing a set of beige breeches, and a blue short-sleeved shirt, though she lacked a pair of boots.

It took her the better part of an hour to find Cullen and reach him without being spotted. She thanked the Maker for whoever had left her staff outside the door, with which she managed to cast a little useful spell to move under the radar, though it didn’t help much with her poor sense of direction.

The Commander was sitting at a table under a huge tent that the soldiers had hung between two poles; the little open air office was probably serving as his local base of operation while they were stuck there for her.

 _Well, he could have gone back. It's not like he was worried about me or anything_... she thought bitterly as she came into his view.

 

Cullen was busy going over some reports when he heard a noise that stood over the others; it was a rhythmic sound of bare feet on stone and the thumping of a wooden staff, and it was moving in his direction.

With mild confusion as to why someone would go around barefoot on the hot stone of the keep, he raised his eyes slightly, only to have his mouth hung open at the sight that stood in front of his eyes.

"Thalia!" He cried out, his voice choked by surprise and dread.

Thalia Amell was standing in front of him, her staff tightly clutched on her right hand and her feet bare, and was looking right at him with flaming eyes. She was fuming and he suspected to know the reason why.

In the past week after her recover he had denied himself the right to visit her in her room for one simple - or maybe not so much - reason.

When she walked out of the Fade barely alive, the panic in his guts had arisen even stronger than when she first disappeared. Knowing she was dead was a thing, but seeing her die in front of his eyes was another. As he watched Solas rushing to her in the first attempt to save her life, his feelings had amplified and resonated throughout his whole body, pulsing and alive and clear as the day.

_He was still in love with her._

In truth, he probably never stopped loving her in the first place.

The moment he realized it was the moment he understood he could never let her go again. Which was frightening to know. Thalia was the strongest woman he had ever known, she would have never accepted such a selfish reason from him, who to her was probably only some kind of old friend who she had flirted with years before. She would never see him as something more, he was sure of that.

And he couldn't stay by her side knowing she would leave again, probably forever, and disappear from his life once and for all.

Her death had killed him too.

And with the lyrium withdrawal getting worse by the day, he didn't want to consciously hurt himself more than he already had.

The decision being made, he only had one thing to do. He had to try not see her while they were still there, and after they departed he could avoid her until she left.

In his head that plan had been safe and sound as the keep he was standing in, but a glance at her angry face could tell him she hadn't appreciate it.

Thalia advanced in complete silence, the noises of the keep lost to her ears as she only could hear her name echoing with the shocked surprise of Cullen's voice. Did he really avoid to visit her on purpose? The sole thought made her heart ache and her blood burn.

She came to a stop a few paces from the desk he was now standing behind, suddenly relieved to be in the shadows.

'You are avoiding me.' She deadpanned, skipping over the formalities. Her blood was boiling in her veins, she couldn't have been polite even if she tried.

Cullen was a little taken aback by her straightforwardness, not expecting a full frontal even despite her palpable bad mood, and hesitated to answer. What could have he said, anyway? He had no reason to expose himself to her like that, and certainly he was no masochist.

So he lied.

Or at least, he _tried_.

'I'm sorry, I've been busy with the-'

'Bullshit.' She cut him off, not believing a single word of what he said.

She perfectly knew that the Approach had been scanned through and throughout well before their _lovely trip_ to Adamant - she had done her researches, of course -, there was no way the troops stationed there (and inside the keep especially) wouldn't leave him the spare time to do a ten minutes walk up to her room.

Cullen sighed. He couldn't deal with that, _with her_ , after what he had come to realize. He was also tired as shit, the nightmares had quieted down since they had managed to save her, but they still were bad enough to make him elude his sleep.

'Thalia you shouldn't be walking around like that...' He tried 'Let me get Solas, he can accompany you back.' He went on, moving from behind the table, resolute to go find the apostate so he could deal with the angry woman. It was shallow of him to pass his own mistakes to others, but for once he wouldn't feel guilty about his cowardice.

Thalia, on the other hand, was not of the same opinion. Her anger was much stronger than the pain and she was set to have some answers.

As he moved, she followed, placing herself in his way.

'I don't think so. I'm perfectly fine, there is no need to bother.'

She kept her feet planted on the hot stone floor and spoke in her best commanding voice.

'What I want to know, is how you couldn't find twenty spare minutes to come see if I was still breathing.'

From the looks of it, Cullen noticed, she wasn't really interested in the answer; it seemed she was more likely using this as an excuse to blow off some steam, instead. Or at least it was how his brain chose to catalogued her rage. She wasn't offended, not really, she was probably only letting go of some of the tension in her system.

_Yeah, because she came all the way here barefoot, and clutching on her stuff, to yell at you just because she needed an outlet. Sure. Why not._

Thalia watched the man she thought her friend shake his head in annoyance.

She would have never suspected his distaste for her...but maybe she'd been so busy with hiding that she wasn't capable to read people anymore.

'Fine. Have it your way. Who cares.' She said, finally, ready to turn on her heels.

Cullen watched her turn around and acted against all he was thinking; he reached out to her and pulled at her arm, like he had done that night in his office. When she faced him, her eyes were a storm of feelings; he wasn't sure what he was looking at.

Thalia looked first at Cullen, surprised by the sudden touch, and then at his hand firmly placed in her forearm. The spot where he was touching her was starting to warn up, and feathery electric pulses were running through her whole body.

It was fairly...pleasant.

But then he had to open his mouth and ruin everything.

'Is it really the case to do such a scene? You're fine now.' As usual he had spoken before thoroughly thinking, and when he heard his own words, he was the one to cringe.

Indignation wasn't the only thing to flared up in her, those light waves of electricity running through her body intensified, bursting in irregular patterns on her skin.

The Commander let go of her arm with a hiss of pain when a bolt run from her through his arm. He looked up at her in shock and missed the punch that hit him square in the jaw.

The blow wasn't particularly powerful, not enough to knock him off his feet, but it was backed with magic and definitely effective.

He stumbled back a couple steps and instinctively brought his hand to his offended jaw. It was mistake.

Not only it hurt like hell, but another wave of electricity sprang from his skin, probably as a result of her punch.

When he was able to properly see straight, he open his mouth to yell at her, but Thalia was nowhere to be seen.

Cullen quickly glanced around to see if someone had assisted to the scene. It seemed that no one had taken notice of their discussion. He wondered if that had something to do with her magic too.

 

That night, a wild Dorian appeared in her room bringing food and a mischievous grin. He set the dishes on the small table in a corner and helped her up. When she was all set and eating, it was then that Dorian began speaking; with her mouth full she couldn't interrupt him.

'So...rumour has it that someone punched our poor Commander's pretty face, this afternoon...do you know anything about it?' He asked nonchalantly, looking at her with a smug face.

Thalia gulped down a spoon of stew and glared at the other mage.

'So what? Did he ask you to come here and defend his honour or something?' she snarled back at him, which sent him in a fit of seemingly unstoppable laughter.

Hearing her friend laugh made her relax in the chair a bit. Obviously he just wanted to gossip about it, not reprehend her for her actions.

'I'm sure Cullen has done something to deserve it, I was just wondering why exactly you decided to go around the keep barefoot just to punch him.'

Thalia stayed quiet for a while after that, eating the stew and looking in the bowl. She didn't know why she had gone to yell at him, but she had missed him; the fact that she reacted the way she did was probably not all her fault, she suspected.

'I had some...issues with my magic, I suppose...my feelings were enhanced by an overload of accumulated and unused magic...' She said, still not looking at Dorian.

She was lying, and they both knew it.

'That is what happens when you use blood magic and don't properly clean your channels. The taint obstructs them and the Mana overflows.' He corrected her, showing her that he knew what she had been hiding.

She turned to him in shock, her eyes wide.

'You know!' She yelped.

Dorian chuckled.

'My dear, I'm from Tevinter remember? I used to assist to this kind of outbursts quite frequently. ' he spoke as if it wasn't such a great deal.

'Who else knows?' She asked, her voice reduced to a worried whisper.

'The Inquisitor, of course. He's seen his good share of blood magic to recognize when it's been used. Also, Solas isn't the only one with knowledge on how the Fade works..' He mused.

'Ah.'

Silence fell on the room while Thalia hurried to finish her supper.

'You needn't be worried, my dear. We've been extremely cautious not to divulge this very specific piece of information. We wouldn't want our dear Commander running around with a flaming sword screaming for Abominations.' He chuckled, but she shuddered.

The thought of Cullen knowing made her blood freeze. What would he say? What would he do?

'But he's a Templar! How come he didn't feel it?' She rebutted, as if she suddenly remembered it.

This time around her friend's face became grim.

'Cullen has stopped taking lyrium. He's going through a hard withdrawal...his senses are...softened by the pain...'

To say she was shocked to hear that would be an understatement. She remembered all too well what had happened in the Circle Tower, sometimes it still hunted her, but she had heard very little of the events in Kirkwall. By the time the rebellion had started she was already far gone. Had it been so bad for him to give up all he believed in?

'When did he stop?' She found the strength to ask.

'Right after the events in Kirkwall. Nobody knew in the beginning, only Leliana and Cassandra for obvious reasons, but when Iazell became Inquisitor he took it on himself to help him through, hence the inner circle participation in what Varric has named "Project Curly".' He air quoted the last part, stealing a small smile out of her. She found it extremely adorable that they all decided to take care of him...

_He hasn't told you, though._

A new thought came crawling out from the depths of her mind.

No, he hadn't, but she had no right to be angry when she had been the first to lie to him.

'My point - Dorian went on - is that since you...' He looked at her and winced a little '...when you died, he took it pretty badly. Didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't come out of his office for days...'

Thalia could feel her heart break as she listened, the harsh words with which she had accused him parading in front of her eyes.

'He took it bad. I think you should talk about it with him, let him understand that you're here for real and are not going to disappear into thin air.'

What an ironical choice of words...

'...I'll go to him tomorrow...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank who put the story in their favourite/followed and to those who have been following me since the start; you guys are what keep m going!  
> Secondly, I need to give you all a big ass apology for the terrible delay!  
> I swear I had started to write this right after the last one, but then I had my driver license exam, my russian exam (which I didn't pass btw, because I'm a lazy shit), than I got sick, then university started and I was busy trying not to forget which lesson I had to follow and when, then I decided I needed to finish reading the Millenium Trilogy and somewhere in the middle writing passed in the background! Also there was my BDay and my brother bought me the Mass Effect Trilogy, which is the main reason of my procastination really, giulty as charged ahahaha  
> But fear not, I'm back on tracks and I have half of the 10th chapter already down!  
> See ya all next update!


	10. There is blood on my hands, half is mine and half is yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title inspired by a playlist of the same name. You can find it on 8tracks by angryfeminist)
> 
> This chapter has been revised!

After Dorian had managed to get that promise out of her, he declared his mission accomplished and took his leave together with the bowl of now finished stew.

When she had said she was gonna talk to Cullen as soon as possible, she hadn't counted on the ire of her stern healer, though. When Solas heard of her tiny adventure, he took the care of properly scold her and advise her not to try such a fit again in the near future, else he'd tie her to her bed. For the following week, a poor soldier had been charged to keep guard outside her door, hence she was stuck there for another whole seven days.

Cullen didn't come to see her.

One day, it was probably sometime before midday, a ruckus in the main courtyard caught her attention. There was excitement in the air and she moved from the table to the window to try and find out what was happening. She had no luck though, the view from there only allowed her a restricted view of the far side of the yard, a portion of the battlements and the never-ending dunes of the desert.

With a sigh she let it go. Whatever was going on, she knew she would hear from the others later in the day. Not indulging further, she went back to her seat and the book she was reading - Swords and Shields, the latest chapter, a kind gift from her favourite dwarf.

It was only twenty minutes later that the same noise appeared outside her door and came barging in.

Thalia jumped on her chair, not really registering the three figures that had come in through the door.

‘Commander! What the fucking hell were you thinking?!’ A voice shouted in the middle of all the chaos.

When it came through to her, Thalia stood still with her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

‘Nathaniel?’ She couldn't believe her eyes when she focused on the trio standing in the middle of the room.

‘Is that you Velanna?’ She asked, looking at the smirking elf next to the current Warden-Commander of Ferelden.

Then she moved her gaze and found another pair of pointed ears.

‘Andraste's sweet tits, you too Zevran??!’

The assassin let out a pleased chuckle, he was happy to see that his old friend still retained her dirty language, no matter what.

‘You are correct my old friend, ‘tis

the handsome me indeed.’ He said, his voice purring with his usual thick antivan accent.

Thalia blinked several times, she still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that they all were really standing there in front of her.

It had been years since the last time she had seen any of them...

‘What in the Maker's name are you doing here?!’ She asked, sitting back down on the chair.

‘I should be the one asking that! You disappear for years, and the first thing I hear about you, is that you threw yourself at another fucking monster but-oh-wait you are not really dead but just stuck in the fucking Fade??!’ Nathaniel burst out without even breathing once.

Thalia was surprised but not really. Leliana had told her about the missive she had sent upon hearing of her disappearance, which meant that the current Warden-Commander had been informed too. The part she hadn't expected was him actually catching up to her. Not with Velanna and Zevran on tow, at least.

She wanted to know how in the Void had they come together, but she decided not to let curiosity get the best on her.

‘First of all, it's just Thalia now; you are the Commander now. Unless you've passed the burden to someone else, that is.’ She pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

‘We have a number of promising successors, but no one is quite ready to take over...’ He grumbled, still glaring at her.

‘Stop deflecting questions, Amell.’ this time was Velanna who interrupted, calling her out on her bullshit of a strategy.

Thalia scoffed at her and mumbled some things under her breath that none of them could quite catch.

As if both Solas and Dorian hadn’t been enough, now those three where certainly there to make sure she didn’t flee under the radars again.

When would people just stop care about her, already?!

‘Whatever you are about to try, it’s not going to work amica mia.’ Zevran added, eyeing her suspiciously.

 _Yeah, sure, let’s add an Antivan Crow in the mix! Because three spies under one roof weren’t enough already!_ She thought bitterly, glaring at her old friend.

After some more time of glaring competition, Thalia decided to give in to the three.

There was no point in arguing any longer.            

‘Fine! I’m sorry ok? I shouldn’t have disappeared like that. I just needed space...’ she mumbled, still not looking at them.

She heard Nathaniel let go of a sigh, and soon enough he appeared in her line of sight, kneeling in front of her chair and taking her hands reassuringly in his.

‘I knew you weren’t fine in your last months with us, I knew that after Anders’ disappearance you stopped thinking about yourself…he had meant a lot for you... I also knew about you studying blood magic...I knew everything but I didn’t do anything to help...’ he confessed in a whisper, squeezing her hands.

For the first time Thalia had to see what her selfishness had caused to others.

The sadness, the regret, the pain, the guilt...they were all eating her friend away and it was her fault.

She carefully watched Nat’s face, examining every trait, every line of his skin; he had aged too, and maybe too quickly.

As she realised all those things, a lone tear made her way down her cheek, falling on top of their joined hands.

And then it was Nathaniel’s turn to watch his former Commander; the woman that was sitting before him was, without any doubt, Thalia Amell, but there was little left of the proud Warden that had given him a chance to clear his family name.

'I'm sorry...'

The words fell from her lips with the weight of a thousand rocks, heavy and powerful.

It was also the first time she truly apologized for leaving...it made her feel almost lighter.

'Now now, there is no need for tears. What is important is that you are safe, yes?' Zevran gently butt in their moment.

'The whore is right. And now we're here to make sure you forget blood magic and get back on your feet.' Velanna stated, hands firmly placed on her hips and head held high.

'Ouch, you wound me my lovely.' The assassin said with a mock hurt, at which the mage simply sneered in disgust.

That earned a reply from Nathaniel, though.

'Hey! I've told you already, hands off my wife!' He yelled, even though it was clear it was more of a reminder than a real threat.

Thalia laughed together with Zevran, his rich voice filling the air along hers, until something hit her.

'Wait, _Wife_??!' She almost shouted snapping her head back to the couple that was now standing very closely.

Her amazement rewarded her with a chuckle from the former Dalish, who simply slid an arm around her husband's waist.

'It's been almost two years now. I would have asked you to be our witness, but you were too busy using blood magic and getting stuck in the Void, so...' She trailed off, an amused edge audible in her voice.

Thalia sighed.

Another thing she had missed and would never have back.

'What about you Zevran? Did you get married too? Better say it now if you have..' She pouted, giving him a half glare.

The antivan chuckled, some of his long blond hair escaped the loose bun.

Unlike the others, the years had been more than gentle with the elf, giving him even stronger charms to his traits.

'Well, there is someone...' He conceded, leaving her speechless.

From her seat, Thalia eyed him from head to toe, examining his sheepish grin...and something cliqued in her head.

‘Never mind, I don’t want to know.’ She anticipated, holding up one hand to stop her friend.

If he truly had someone, she didn’t want to know just to feel bad.

‘Well, that’s a pity then. I would have shared him with you, I’m told you’re _extremely_ fond of him.’ He gloated, crossing his arms and proceeding to smirk.

Thalia was about to ask what he was talking about when a new voice joined in.

‘You should stop saying that Zevran, or our poor Commander will die from embarrassment.’ Leliana velvety voice objected from the door.

But it wasn’t Leliana or her words that caught her attention.

Cullen was standing next to her, sheepishly looking everywhere but at them, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. He was clearly uncomfortable standing there, surrounded by strangers that obviously knew each other.

‘You’re also a cheater. Didn’t you promise to marry me, already?’ another voice made itself known.

Alistair walked in the already crammed room with a giant smile on his face and went directly to hug the assassin. Despite the initial dislike from his part, their journey had united them a lot and the two had soon picked up the unhealthy, but very satisfying, hobby to nag Morrigan. And they bonded over it.

‘Ah, amico mio! It is a pleasure to see you. The years have been extremely kind to you, yes?’ Zevran said, hugging him back.

Alistair chuckled.

‘Not as much as to you.’ He replied.

Thalia remained silent and watched the exchanges; her heart was aching as it remembered all the things she had had and lost, but her mind was screaming, eager to return to its solitude. She felt helplessly torn between the need to laugh and joke with them and wanting to scream at the top of her lungs.

Her guests kept exchanging pleasantries and engaging in conversations while she just sat there, staring off, trying to keep her feelings in check to avoid another magical outburst.

The room was too small to accommodate all of them and it was starting to feel suffocating.

She felt overwhelmed.

With a deliberate gesture, she forcefully closed the book that still laid open on the table, startling everyone into silence.

Six heads turned to her.

‘It’s lovely to have you here and all, but I should really rest now.’ She said, her voice flat and cold.

It pained her to be so insensitive, but she could not bear to have them all in there, not when half of them knew about her use of blood magic and two former Templars were there too.

The possibilities of a mistake were-

‘Jeez, did blood magic corrupt your social skills too?’ the Dalish Warden complained.

The whole room seemed to fall in an even more deep silence as the implication her words carried quietly sunk in.

Thalia was holding her breath, eyes wide, and heart racing.

Her mind was running in circles, trying to come up with an acceptable excuse to justify her friend’s words. Needless say that she found none.

By the time someone finally spoke up, Thalia was going crazy.

‘You heard the Lady, everybody out.’ Nathaniel spoke up, throwing a glare at his wife, who just shrugged apologetically.

She couldn’t watch any of them as they quickly moved out of the room, feet shuffling awkwardly on the stony floor.

She felt so ashamed and afraid...so vulnerable...

It was only when she heard the door closing that she dared looking up, only to freeze on the chair when her eyes met the unmistakable armoured body standing where she had last checked.

Cullen was standing with his back straight, his arms crossed and was staring coldly at her.

Her heart kept pounding violently in her ribcage as she waited for him to say something, _anything_.

Cullen could have been a former Templar, struggling to get off the Chantry's leash, and with a changed view on magic and mages, but he still retained his prejudices and bias, which made him incapable of letting a thing as Blood Magic slip under his nose. 

She also was well aware that neither of them could ever forget the events of Kinloch Hold, and it just made it all worse.

It took the better part of fifteen long and heavy minutes before he could make up his mind, and as expected, she didn't like what she heard.

'You were there...you saw what Ulderd did, what blood magic caused that day...and you still-' he abruptly closed his mouth, cutting the phrase in half.

Was it rage or sadness that prevented him to accuse her? Or was there something else?

'In the beginning I only started to study it out of sheer curiosity. I had done it with so many improbable subjects that blood magic seemed a joke at comparison...until one day it became useful. Using the blood of fallen enemies to bolster your powers, taking advantage of your own wounds to make them pay...' She trailed off, aware that Cullen was probably feeling nauseated by her words.

But she was telling him this just in the name of truth, not to justify her actions. After all, she did not  regret them.

She did not regret Blood Magic.

'And what if you lost control of it? What if you turned into an _abomination_?'

 _It was stupid of me to hope his views could have changed_ that _much…_

Thalia sighed and stood up, finally standing up to him face to face. A quick glance confirmed her suspects; his hands were closed in fists, knuckles white, and he was clenching his jaw. Now he was angry.

'I didn't and I won't.' She deadpanned, looking him in the eyes.

'I will die before I'm not able to control my own mind. I thought you out of everyone else would not question my willpower...you were at my Harrowing, you know what I'm capable of. I bargained with Sloth and saw through Rage's lies and defeated it. I'm not some random mage that does not even know which end to wield their staff. I'm Thalia Amell, Hero of fucking Ferelden, I survived an Archdemon and the Fade, I will not lose myself over to some crappy demon.' There was a finality in her words that even she hadn't anticipated. It was as if while she spoke she convinced herself as well, and it felt good, it felt _right._ It had been long since her true self had shone through the depression's darkness, probably too long, but now she wanted to fight. She wanted him to see that she was not wrong.

Cullen watched her with incredulous eyes and had to admit to himself that she was partly right.

She was indeed a remarkable woman and mage and had survived what many wouldn't even dare to imagine, but everyone had a limit, and Blood Magic was above it for everyone, he was sure.

Even if the Chantry hadn't denounced it, there were proofs of the dangers of such practice. Both of them had seen and lived them, how could she say _those things_ after that? 

No, he would not accept it.

'I know what Blood Magic does to those who wield it and to those who suffer it...' He insisted, speaking through gritted teeth.

'And so what now? Are you going to demand my head for this crime?' She hissed, inching closer to make her point. ‘Or maybe you’d feel better by making me Tranquil, uh?’ she added viciously.

'I'd like to see you try.' She said, almost baring her teeth to him.

Thalia was not surprised to hear herself speak those words to him.

What did surprise her, though, was the absence of a reaction on Cullen’s part.

His hands were still closed in tight punches on his sides, and his jaw was still clenched, but his eyes were no longer flaring.

He looked tired, and maybe a bit sad.

Abruptly, she felt extremely guilty just for having voiced those thoughts.

Even back in the Circle, Cullen had been one of the only Templars to look at her and see over her being a mage; he’d seen her as a real _someone_ , as the woman behind the magic she was able to use…

All of a sudden her mind was flooded with memories.

She saw herself bent over a tome in the library in the middle of the night with only a dying candle to light the pages, and remembered the strong sense of panic that she had felt when a young Templar had found her. She had been _so sure_ that he was there to reprimand her, or **_worse_** , that when he had kindly switched her candle with a new one, she had broken down in tears, making that poor boy probably even more frantic that she had been moments before.

Then she saw the two of them walking the long halls of the tower, chatting as friends are used to do, going about their businesses while keeping company to each other.

And oh, how clearly she could see the day when watching him in the eye instantly made her blush! She had been midsentence and had stuttered like an idiot while her face burned red! He was so confused!

And then she was standing in the middle of the room, ready to take her Harrowing and becoming a full-fledged Enchantress and he was there, watching her with both worry and pride.

After that day, though, it all went to rot.

There had been one last stolen kiss and barely the time to say goodbye and she had to leave everything behind.

When she had returned to the tower months later she was no longer the same woman; she was a Warden now, and her heart was of another, but it had hurt nonetheless to see him reduced to a blind man full of hate, to hear him say that all mages should be eliminated…

But she did not blame him then, and she would not blame him now.

 

Cullen watched the blind rage quietly slid over Thalia, leaving in its wake a confusing amount of different feelings that showed on her face one after the other.

Something must have happened inside her head, otherwise there would be no reason for such a hasty change in her attitude. If moments ago she had held herself up straight with her head high to defy him, now her shoulders were slumped, her head downcast and…were those sobs?

Hesitantly, he stepped towards her.

When she did not move out of his reach, he extended a hand and went to lift her chin.

She _was_ crying.

Something cringed inside of him.

Seeing her like that reminded him of just how vulnerable she’d been the first time he’d seen her; she was but a girl, not older than he was,  wary of everything and everyone.

He’d thought that she hadn’t been in there for much, but Gregoir informed him otherwise.

Thalia Amell had been at Kinloch Hold for the better part of her life, she was just that way, not exactly trustworthy of anyone except her mentor and First Enchanter Irwin, but definitely a promising mage.

And so he had kept an eye on her, until he had had the opportunity to make himself known, an encounter that had ended up with tears too.

Now Thalia was silently sobbing in his arms and he felt as lost as that first time.

She grabbed onto his armour and hugged him tight while his heart raced.

‘I’m sorry Cullen…’ she simply said after a while, to which he didn’t exactly know what to answer.

He opted for silence, and in silence they stayed for what felt to him as an eternity.

He was holding the woman he loved, but it all felt too final.

 

And final it was.

 

That same night, after a joyful dinner together with her companions – no one of which said a thing about the blood magic accident, though Thalia suspected Leliana had something to do with it - , she took which little possession she had accumulated in the past weeks, and finally left in the middle of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just introduced three characters and already 'm leaving them behind, but it was necessary for the sake of timing.  
> From here on we'll go on with a bit more speed, but do not fear, w'll have the time to see to every detail!  
> Let me know what you think about it all, and see you next time!


	11. Here Comes the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

" _Leli I know the moment you realize I'm gone you'll have your people out looking for me, that's why I'm leaving this for you. Keep your resources where are useful, I'm leaving but I won't be far, I promise. I'm sure you'll hear of me pretty soon._

_Ps: Lie to the others if you must, or make something up, but please...tell Cullen the truth._

_I'll be in touch._

_T.A."_

 

Redcliff was very much different than she remembered. The hinterlands were slowly recovering after the Inquisition intervention, but those poor lands would forever be scarred by terrible events. And so was the Village.

First the Blight, than the rebellion.

Everything had been rebuilt and rearranged, every single point of reference had been moved. The Chantry wasn't in the middle of the village, the tavern was. There were _stores_ now! She noted with a smile.

But what left her most disturbed, was the _enormous_ statue they had built right in the middle of the village.

 _At least it's just a griffon and not my face..._ She reasoned, looking at it while she passed through.

She would have liked to explore the renewed Redcliff a bit more, but she had a meeting to attend to.

Crossing a bridge that hadn't been there before, she sadly noticed that even the old Windmill had disappeared.

When she reached the gates two armoured guards blocked her path. She eyed them carefully, but the two were just doing their work after all.

'What business do you have in the castle?' One asked, carefully.

'My name is Thalia Amell, Arl Teagan is waiting for me.' She stated, giving back the stern glare she was receiving.

At the mention of her name the two poor souls seemed to freeze and then hurried to get off her way.

'I'm sorry, My lady we hadn't realis-' one babbled. She raised a hand and smiled to him.

'No need to apologize. I understand the caution.'

The man nodded emphatically and outstretched one arm towards the courtyard.

'Welcome to Redcliff Castle, My Lady Hero.' He offered.

Thalia tried to hide a giggle as she passed through, miserably failing and probably ending up embarrassing the guard.

 _My Lady Hero,_ she laughed, _that's a first._

It was stupid of her, but she had liked to hear it. She had forgotten how people still thought of her as a saviour and not a monster.

Teagan was waiting for her in his study, the one that had been his brother's, and welcomed her with a warm smile that reached his eyes.

'When I received your letter I couldn't believe my eyes. Thalia Amell was writing _me_ to ask for hospitality!' He giggled, motioning for her to take a seat.

'Well, you did offer _me_ your help, once upon a time.' She replied sweetly, sitting down on the other side of the desk.

'That I did. I'm just surprised you took it up after so many years, especially since I'd heard you were with the Inquisition now.' He subtly inquired, his eyes on her and very attentive.

'I wasn't _with_ the Inquisition, I just landed a hand with the Wardens and that was it.' She brushed it off.

'That's _one way_ of putting it.' He chuckled, leaning on the desk and giving her an amused look.

Ugh. He knew.

'I see news travel fast.' Thalia replied through gritted teeth.

'Then maybe I shouldn't be bothering you.' She then added out of the blue, moving to stand up.

She had sought Teagan's help in hope to evade judgmental eyes, to spend some time in a place where people wouldn't look at her like a monster and would leave her be. Maybe she would have also been able to find something to do, aid the people there, find new meaning for her magic... It was a pity that she would no longer be able to do so.

'Please Thalia, do not be so hasty in your decisions.' Teagan sighed, stopping her on the way out.

'I honestly do not care about what you've done, but I care about you. Do not throw away an opportunity to be better.' He offered, and she could hear the plea in his voice.

So she sat back down, her head downcast in shame.

'Do you want to know what I have in mind?' He went on, a smile pulling at his lips.

Thalia nodded.

'You remember Connor right? The boy has returned home since the fall of the Circles. He's a young and promising mage, I'm told, but now that most of the mages have gone rogue, he's left without a teacher and he still needs to learn a lot...' He trailed off, searching for her eyes.

'You are proposing me to tutor him. Why?' She asked, confused.

Teagan laughed.

'And you're seriously asking? - he chuckled, a renewed amusement in his eyes - If I didn't know you _so well_ I'd think you were joking.' He said, a subtlety in his voice that didn't go unnoticed.

Thalia blushed a deep shade of red, almost as dark as her hair.

A memory that had been hidden in her mind for years made its way back to the surface...

‘Wh-what about Lady Isolde? Will she approve of this?’ she stuttered, trying to get back on track.

Teagan grimaced.

‘I’m afraid Isolde is no longer able to make that kind of decisions...Eamon’s passing hit her hard, you see...’ he trailed off, probably not ready to relieve the pain of his brother’s death.

‘I understand. Though I can’t say I’m sorry.’ Thalia huffed, crossing her arms and looking away.

She’d never liked the woman from the start, thinking she was withholding information thus putting them all in more danger than they already were, and in the end she had proved her intuition to be truthful.

That sodding woman had tried to hide her son’s magic from the world, hiring a rogue mage to tutor him; but not just _one_ mage, she had picked Jowan! _Jowan!_ The damned _blood mage_!

 _Not like I can judge now..._ she thought to herself bitterly.

If only she had known she was going to end up using it herself, maybe she wouldn’t have opposed to Jowan’s solution. Lady Isolde should have been punished for her ignorance, no matter if she had done it for her child. In the end it was just selfishness, the desire to keep her family and her reputation intact.

Disgusting.

Teagan watched Thalia’s face go from bitterness, to mild amusement, to disgust, in less than thirty seconds, and felt the air get heavy.

‘Whatever concerns you, I’m sure we can work it out.’ He quickly added. ‘I’m offering you Redcliff Castle’s protection without limitations. The only thing I’m asking of you is to teach the boy a little, I’m sure he’d appreciate the company of a fellow mage.’ He finished, smiling reassuringly.

When he heard her sigh, he knew he had won his battle.

‘Fine. And I’ll try to leave out the blood magic for now.’ She snickered, giving him a lopsided grin of fake innocence, at which he laughed wholeheartedly.

‘Much appreciated.’

 

From that day three months had passed, and spring had left its place to summer.

Redcliff was buzzing with people as always, the Inquisition’s banner was gently floating in the crisp breeze coming up the lake.

 _The Inquisition..._ Thalia thought absentmindedly, sitting on a bench near the shore.

She was waiting for Connor to get back from the market and had sit down in the shadows to escape the blinding light and the suffocating hot. Leaving the better part of her life inside had never prepared her to acclimatise very quickly, no matter how long she had spent on the outside, camping, it was always hard to get used to another season. And summer was the worst of them all. Ferelden was supposed to be _cold_!

‘I bet Leliana is still enjoying the snow, up in the mountains...’ she said to herself, eyes still fixed on the floating banner.

‘I’m sure you are still welcome to go to Skyhold, you know.’ Connor told her, appearing out of nowhere and making her jump on the stone bench.

‘And leaving you here, all by yourself, when you still can’t through a decent fireball?’ she replied, cheekily, as she rose to face him.

The young mage pouted.

‘It’s just because my affinity is with ice..’ he muttered, walking alongside her.

Thalia laughed at his sulking, making him just pout harder.

There was little chance she would admit it, but being around Connor and teaching him had helped her a great deal with her depression. The boy – who wasn’t just a boy anymore, he would soon be eighteen, just but two year younger than she was when she’d been recruited in the Wardens – was an eager and enthusiastic learner, he looked up to her and seemed to never give up, no matter how many times he got a spell wrong. And it was positive for her to be around someone whom possessed such attitude, making her as eager to teach as he was to learn.

Leaving in the Castle with Teagan also didn’t hurt.

Since her arrival they had warmed each other’s bed more than once, and she had felt nothing but pleasure being with him.

No more guilt, no more self-deprecating bullshit.

He wanted her and she wanted him.

They were two consenting adults spending time in each other’s arms, both of them more than aware that it was nothing more than that. They were friends, they enjoyed the sex, and they felt good about it. No shame, no embarrassment, a good share of moaning.

‘Why are you smiling like that? Did you remember something good?’ Connor’s voice brought her back from her head. She looked at him and noticed the pert grin he was giving her.

 _Cheeky bastard!_ She thought, shaking her head.

Connor had, actually, caught her and his uncle with their hands in the sack, but never once he had said something against it, claiming in fact that he was happy she could “blow some steam off with uncle” so that he would be more compliant with his failed experiments.

‘What, are you jealous because you don’t have anyone to _blow steam off_ with?’ she replied, laughing with gusto when he went burning red all over.

‘That was low!’ he accused her.

‘I know!’ she managed to reply in between laughter.

‘Well I’ll be damned if it isn’t our mighty hero.’ A gruff voice chuckled from somewhere near them, making her spin on her heels.

For a moment she thought she was going insane, but then the Inquisition’s banner caught her attention in the corner of her eye and she admitted that this had to be real, if not a sore coincidence.

‘Ah, Varric. It is good to see you.’ She said honestly, coming to a stop in front of the dwarf.  

Just because she didn’t want anything to do with the organisation, it did not mean she hated the people as well.

‘I had heard rumours, but I’d never thought you’d be hiding in plain sight.’ He admitted, momentarily giving his back to them to pay the merchant behind the stall.

‘Yeah well, that’s because I’m _not_ hiding.’ She answered him, a bit of unwanted venom in her voice.

‘Now, now. I wasn’t trying to insinuate anything.’ He laughed it off, motioning to them to walk with him. ‘I’m just surprised to find you here, that’s all. After you disappeared on us we sincerely thought you’d never come out again, but here you are, looking better and with a pup on tow.’

Thalia glanced back at Connor who hadn’t said a word since they had met the dwarf. He had been respectfully silent, waiting for her to introduce him, as he had been taught, but now he was clearly struggling not to speak up to the man for calling him _pup_.

She giggled.

‘This is Connor, he’s the Arl’s nephew.’ She explained. ‘I’ve asked Teagan for his hospitality and in exchange he asked me to help him with his magic.’

Varric carefully considered the boy, eyeing him from head to toe, before offering him a hand.

‘Varric Tethras, a pleasure.’

Connor shook his hand, thinking out why the name sounded so familiar....

Suddenly his head shoot up to look at Thalia with shimmering eyes.

‘ _That_ Varric Tethras?’ he asked in utmost adoration, the offence of being called pup already long forgotten.

‘The one and only, kid.’ The dwarf giggled, now more than used to the reaction.

‘Can I get your autograph?’ the boy asked, barely containing his excitement.

‘Sure.’ He accommodate, opening the book he was carrying under his arm, and taking out a piece of paper on which already stood out his neat calligraphy.

‘Is that a poetry book?’ Thalia suddenly inquired, peeking at the book’s cover while Connor happily bounced around with his autograph.

For the first time in their acquaintance, she saw Varric stalling.

‘Uh, I see. A gift for your favourite Seeker, is it?’ Thalia winked, leaving behind a stunned writer.

‘And just how in the bloody Stone’s name do you know that?’ he hurried to ask.

Thalia gave him a devilish smile.

‘Someone may or may not have fed me information...’ she whistled, nonchalantly.

Varric eyed her suspiciously and then sighed.

‘I should have known. The Nightingale was just _too relaxed_ about this whole affair...figures she knew where you were the whole time...’ he pondered, not really disturbed by the fact that his relationship with Cassandra was already of public domain.

‘I couldn’t disappear on her like that again...I thought it wiser to let her now, if not to at least avoid the waste of resources while trying to find me.’ She explained, stopping near the bridge to the castle.

‘At any rate, will you join us for dinner in the Castle perhaps?’ she asked, changing the topic before it became too thorny to discuss.

‘Ah, I appreciate it, but royalty isn’t really my thing. If you’d like you could join me in the tavern after?’ he proposed.

Thalia gladly accepted the diversion and the bid farewell for the time being.

 

The sun had already gone down when she stepped in the village again. Everything was quiet and the crickets could be heard singing in the grass; the temperature had decreased too, while the breeze coming up the lake had become quite chill. But Thalia was perfectly fine in her revealing robes, her arms, neckline and legs completely exposed but at the same time protected by a series of very fine enchantments. She was feeling good, happy even, and her mood only improved when she stepped in the "Gull & Lantern" and half the guests turned to look at her.

 _It's the Hero!_ They were whispering.

 _She looks stunning in those clothes!_ Others complimented, while some even dared to whistle at her.

She laughed under her breath as she scanned the room for the dwarf; Varric was sitting at a table, surrounded by a small crowd, and was probably spinning some fancy tale.

'Excuse me friends, but my guest is here.' He announced when he noticed her approaching. Those who were listening to them watched them in awe, quickly shuffling away but at the same time trying to catch bits of their conversation.

'I see you come ready for battle.' He pointed out with an appreciative smile.

'Ah, but I'm always ready, I just like to dress for it.' She winked, sitting down in front of him.

'And it doesn't bother you that these men are most certainly having dirty fantasies about you in this very moment?' He asked, half amused.

Which made Thalia boom with laughter.

'Actually, it makes me feel good.' She grinned, making Varric frown.

'Really?'

'Yeah. Because I hold the power. A look from me could make them undone as easily as terrified. If I want one of them I just have to smile, and, if they try anything even remotely offensive, I can fry them with a finger.' She chuckled, her smile somehow scary and hot at the same time.

Varric had a half terrified look on his face, and wasn't sure on what to say in reply. Which was a first, really.

Thalia, noticing his shocked expression, burst in another fit of laughter. She laughed till her eyes started to water and her stomach hurt.

'Oh Maker! Your face was priceless!' She snickered, trying to regain her composure and her breath.

'Yeah, you got me there for a minute...' Varric huffed, not entirely convinced that she'd been joking about it...

'Anyway, you should have seen Teagan's face when I stopped by his study to let him know I was coming here; I was worried I would be late...' She trailed off, giving him a lopsided grin.

Why exactly she was sharing all this with him, she was not sure. Maybe she was just happy and wanted to make him part of her renewed good mood, maybe she just wanted to tease the poor dwarf.

'Aaaand that is where we draw the line!' He exclaimed, holding his hands up to stop her from going further.

'And here I was thinking you wouldn't mind some new material for the next book...' She singsonged, teasing her companion.

Varric shook his head.

'I'll need more than that to write a book about you!' He said, making Thalia falter in her giggling.

'About me? Maker's balls no! I was thinking at best about an appearance in the tale of the Inquisitor!' She said, almost scared to have her life told in a wild tale.

'Is that so.' Varric snickered, raising a hand to call over a maid.

They ordered a round of ale and kept talking about pretty frivolous things, leaving out the serious topics.

'You know, I don't think I've thanked you for saving Hawke's ass back in the Fade..' The dwarf suddenly slurred, somewhere around the third or fourth round.

'Don't need to, I stayed back for myself and no other.' She answered.

'Ugh, that came out wrong. _Bad honesty,_ too much alcohol.' She then added, hitting herself in the head with the mug she was still holding in her hand despite it being empty.

'I get it, I get it. Still, thanks.'

Thalia only managed to snort in reply.

'Where is he now?' She asked, curiosity taking over.

'Back to his family; Broody was really angry with him. Has a lot to apologize for.' He answered truthfully since there was no need to keep Hawke's under the radar anymore, though she did not know where his family was anyway...

'Mmmh...wish I had a family to return to...' She said, out of the blue, while she intently contemplated an unknown stain on the table.

'You could always come back to Skyhold, I'm sure they'd be happy to have you back. - he paused - Especially Curly. '

Hearing Varric mentioning Cullen made her sober up a bit. She had not heard of him in months. In the few letters she had exchanged with Leliana, she hadn’t dared ask and her friend did not share any information about him.

'How is he?' She sighed, going back to her stain contemplation.

'He's doing better. Doesn't have any more attacks, but...' He trailed off.

Was he really going to make her beg for information?

'But what?'

'He goes around with sad puppy eyes, beats the shit out of every recruit that points it out. And sometimes Bull too. Depends on the day.' He said, shrugging.

'Ugh...is it that bad?' She asked, cringing.

'I bet Josephine would gladly write you a letter pleading you to come to Skyhold to pull him out of his misery before his brooding infects everyone. A pity she doesn't know where you are, really. I would have loved to see her coming all the way here to drag you back!' He laughed, probably already imagining how epic the scene would have been.

'Yeah, what a pity....' She said rolling her eyes, sarcasm literally spilling from her tongue.

'Seriously though. You should come up now that you're feeling better. Maybe you'll find out that we're not so bad, after all.' Varric said with a straight face - which was a miracle with all the shit he had drunk already.

'I never- ugh...fine! I'll come. But only at one condition.' She said, metaphorically putting her foot down.

'Shoot.'

The devious smile she shot him almost made him regret his words.

'I'll get to tease you about Cassandra for the whole journey.'

Varric chuckled.

'I think I can sacrifice a bit of my mental sanity for the good of the whole Inquisition. But I'll have some drinks on Curly when we get back..' He added in the end, more to himself than anything.

'Good. Now that this is settled, I'll go to sleep.'

Thalia carefully stood up from the chair and made a step back from the table to make sure she could stand.

'When you're heading out, you know where to find me.' She offered as a good night, quickly disappearing out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: fuzzy feelings, some smut (for real this time. I'll try my best, I swear. Still don't understand how I can read the smuttiest of things with a straight face but as soon as I have to write it I turn in a bushing vergin....Anyway, all advices are welcome!), and some puns!  
> Until next time ;)


	12. One More Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised!

The crisp air of the night sent a chill through her spine despite the enchantments of her robes; though it probably had nothing to do with the temperature.

She was tipsy, she was light and she felt free.

No pressure.

She was utterly amazed at how careless she felt in that moment…how many years it had been since the last time? Ten? Maybe more. Life had started to feel heavy well before she left the Tower…

But now?

Now she felt as if she could fly just by wishing it.

Ok, most of it was probably due to all the alcohol in her body, but she felt good regardless.

With a smile plastered on her face, she made her way back to the castle in peace, wondering if Teagan was still up despite the late hour. That man took his duties pretty seriously; more than one night she had dragged him out from the study to spend time together. Not that she felt neglected, Connor took up almost all of her time, but sometime she missed his company.

Slightly picking up her pace, she made her way inside quickly. The guards posted at the gate gave her a polite nod, though she did not miss their lingering eyes on her back.

At the main door she saluted the other two guards and slipped inside.

As she’d suspected, the light in the study was still shining through the ajar door. With feathery-like steps, she approached it, pushing through quietly.

Teagan did not notice the intrusion until the door was shut with a deliberately hard push.

‘You’re back.’ He stated, barely sparing her a glance.

Thalia frowned at the lack of attention she saw reserved, pouting at the man. Then, as a cat requesting its owner’s attention would have done, she went to seat on the desk, shoving aside his papers.

‘I am. And you’re grumpy.’ She replied, observing him in search of a reaction.

Teagan sighed, letting go of the quill that he was still holding in his right hand.

‘I’m just tired…’ he explained, glancing up at her figure for the first time since she had entered. His eyes immediately fell down on her legs; she was keeping them crossed, baring them completely to the hips from the not-so-covering dress.

Thalia smirked when she caught his line of sight, shifting on the desk to make sure he could see more than just her tights.

The groan that escaped Teagan’s lips sent a thrill of satisfaction down her spine and directly between her legs.

‘Tease-‘ he huffed, falling back in his chair and closing his eyes.

He was tired, yes, but the woman in front of him could revive even the dead – quite literally.

She giggled lightly, jumping down from the table and swiftly going around it. She rested her lower back against the wooden surface, adjusting herself between his parted legs.

‘Am I now?’ she purred with false innocence. ‘And here I was, thinking you enjoyed the view…’ Thalia trailed off, smiling in satisfaction when he opened his eyes and she could see the desire burning in them.

Oh, she was enjoying the teasing alright!

She normally wasn’t the cruel kind when it came down to flirting, but the alcohol in her veins kept her away from her better judgment.

Teagan chuckled when he spotted the mischief painted on her face.

‘Did you have fun without me?’ he asked, shuffling closer to her.

His hands reached out to her legs, and slowly began moving from her knees and upwards to her hips and back, leaving behind a heated trail.

Thalia hummed in approval at his touch; his hands were warm and the motion unquestionably pleasing.

‘I _most definitely_ did. Varric’s company is _always_ pleasurable.’ She answered, stressing on the right words to send the meaning across. With a mental smirk, she made a point to apologize to the dwarf for using him as bait to rattle Teagan up.

‘I see.’

His hands changed trajectory, moving from the outside to the inside of her tights, caressing her and barely brushing the hem of her smalls. 

Thalia had to take a deep breath at the feeling. Her stomach was knotted and she could feel her pulse picking up the pace, heat pooling in her core.

‘I also received a proposition…’ she said casually, trying to keep hear breath even despite the chills that run on her sensitive skin.

It took two to play that kind of game, and she was not going to lose.

‘What kind of _proposition_?’ Teagan inquired, his grip on her legs tightening ever so slightly.

Thalia felt a devilish grin tug at her lips; she was winning.

 Without giving him the chance to go further, she straightened up, pushing herself away from the desk and turning to give him her back.

Another wave of heat washed over her when she heard his breath hitch at the sight of her half exposed back. The dress was tied behind her neck with a purple bow, and the corset on her lower back was done in the same manner, a long, black, lace string held it in place.

Her curves fit in the dress perfectly, making him ache all over at the thought of its potential.

Thalia went on with her strategy; moving her hair out of the way, she slightly leaned backwards, exposing her neck to him.

‘Would you mind?’ she asked gingerly, momentarily leaving the trail of their conversation behind.

Teagan didn’t need her to repeat herself. He stood up and moved closer to her, leaving only the necessary space to untie the bow.

He heard her breath falter when his fingers brushed her skin, and he could clearly feel his erection pulsating painfully against his breeches.

‘What about this proposition?’ he asked again, his mouth close to her ear while his finger wandered her bare back.

‘I’m going back to Skyhold…’ almost too focused on his touch to remember what she wanted to tell.

At that, she distinctively felt Teagan tense; his hands clutched at her hips, as if he was afraid she’d disappear right away.

His voice caught in his throat, and it was only several minutes later that she heard his voice again.

‘Is that so.’ He said calmly, his voice dropping an octave.

With one last pull, the dress came undone, falling down and pooling at her ankles. The sudden absence of her enchantments made her tremble in his arms, but soon heat  spread all over when she felt his body pressed against hers, his arousal undeniable.

‘And when are you expected to leave, exactly?’ he purred in her ear while his hands resumed their painfully slow exploration of her body.

When his fingers brushed her breasts she barely contained a moan.

Years ago she would have loathed this slow, burning pace; she liked things on fire, rough, passionate – maybe a remnant of her life in the Circle, where things needed to be fast and secret, far, far away from the always watching eyes of the Templars -, she wanted to burn with the heath of a thousand suns!

With Teagan, though, she had discovered _things_ she did not know could be appreciated so much.

Like how much she loved to be gently and slowly teased before wild, rough sex, for example.

This man had shown her a pleasure she would hardly forget, and now she could do nothing if not tremble in sweet anticipation.

Teagan’s fingers started to tease her nipples, and jolts of pain and pleasure shot through her whole body, bringing her back to attention.

‘I asked you a question.’ He said, in that demanding tone that made her knees weak and her core wet.

‘I-I’m sorry…’ she whimpered, licking her suddenly dry lips.

‘So?’ he demanded once more, pinching harder and raveling in the pleasure of hearing her moan.

‘I don’t know. Soon.’ She said, honestly ignorant as to how long the dwarf’s permanence would be.

His reply never came.

Instead, his mouth started to travel down from her ear, to her neck and on, leaving behind a  trail of hot kisses that made her shudder. He stopped when he reached her collarbone, gently biting down and suckling the skin there. He was still amazed at how touch-hungry she was, always so very responsive and sensitive to his every touch, and he definitely enjoyed exploiting this weakness, never leaving her skin when he wanted to move his hands or mouth on her body.

This time as well, one hand left her breast and started to travel down, studiously caressing her stomach, her hips, her tights, before brushing against her small clothes.

The sharp intake of breath that she took was all the incentive he needed to continue.

As slowly as possible, his hand began teasing her core, brushing up and down, and he let out a satisfied hum when he noticed how wet she already was for him.

‘You came here to seduce me, didn’t you?’ he mused, nibbling her earlobe.

‘Maybe.’ She breathed, a smirk recognizable in her voice as she spoke.

Her hands gripped hard on the desk when his thumb began to circle around her clit, making her ache for more than just the friction of his touch and her underwear.

‘You jinx.’ Teagan chuckled, and his hand slipped inside her smalls, making her gasp for air at the sudden contrast of his cool hand and her hot core.

Her hips trust forward on their own accord when his thumb went back to his task, circling, pinching and teasing her clit.

_Oh how she loved that tight feeling in her stomach!_

Every muscles was on edge, her mind devoid of everything but him.

Her hips kept moving and Teagan stepped in, clutching her side to keep her there.

‘What did I told you about patience, uh?’

His hand came to a stop, making Thalia whine at the interruption.

‘Be a good girl and do as I say, alright?’ he commanded, obtaining a stifled moan in response.

‘Yes, _My Lord_.’ She breathed, turning her head back towards his, leaning in just enough to capture his lips in a kiss.

Teagan smiled in the kiss, biting her lower lip ever so slightly, pulling her body closer to his until her hands were holding on the back of his neck and not a single millimeter of her naked skin was apart from his.

‘Now, tell me what you want.’ He said, his breath ghosting on her sensitive skin as his hands went back to taking care of her body.

‘I want you to-‘ the words failed her as a finger entered her, gingerly pushing inside, making her falter.

‘Um?’ Teagan hummed, pleased of his own doing.

‘I want you to fuck me all night long and make me scream your name…’ she whispered, in his ear.

At her blunt words, Teagan felt _his_ body react, stirring and yearning to feel her warm skin on his, to be inside her and hear her moan his name over, and over again.

Before he could do that, though, he needed to have her undone in his hands, then he would take his time with everything else.

If this was the last time he could hold her, he was going to make it last.

‘You’ll be the death of me woman!’ he groaned, picking up his pace.

Another finger went to join the first one, grinding against her insides at just the right angle.

Thalia couldn’t avoid the loud moan that left her lips, she was so close to her climax, _so close_.

Her breath was uneven and rugged, her stomach was clenched in a tight knot and she was on the verge of coming undone.

‘Teagan…’ she moaned on his skin, sending a thrill directly to his crotch.

‘ _Yes?_ ’ he asked, increasing the pace of the strokes.

‘I’m almost-‘ once again a moan cut her off as his other hand had moved from her side and had joined the other one between her legs, playing with her clit.

It didn’t take much before all the built up tension and pleasure found their release, shaking violently through her whole body, making her cry his name against his shoulder.

As the intensity of her orgasm washed through, she found her knees buckle and give her weight away.

‘Are you tired?’ she heard Teagan ask her as he gently help her sit down on his chair.

She sighed, lamenting the absence of his warm body, but shook her head.

‘Just a bit maybe…’ she trailed off, closing her eyes and laying back in the comfortable seat.

‘Really? – he asked, a cheeky grin tugging at his lips. – And here I was thinking that you wanted me to “ _fuck you all night long and make you scream my name”_ …’ he said, trailing off to tease her even more.

Thalia huffed, opening her eyes and standing up.

She stepped closer and circled his shoulders with her arm, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

‘What are you waiting for then, _My Lord?_ ’ she said, giggling when he heard he groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is?  
> Let me know what you really think about this, it is my first run at smut and I took way too much time to write this, plus I made a friend (who's not even into men!) proof-read this...so yeah.  
> In the mean time I'll be working on chapter 13, see you soon!


	13. Pieces of the same Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! I'm really sorry for the long period of absence, but this work here gave me quite the headache for some time! I was completly uncertain on how to proceed, and my stalling only got worse when my exam session kicked in.   
> But now, after an attentive revise of the previous chapters (which are going to be re-uploaded in their entirety, now hopefully free of spelling errors and other mistakes!) and my personal notes on the story, I believe we are back on tracks. 
> 
> As per usual, I do not own a thing but my dear Warden.

'So...what's up with the kid uh?' Varric asked, glancing back to the boy walking behind them.

'When he heard I was leaving he was so sad that I decided to bring him along. Thought he could learn a thing or two from Skyhold's resident mages.' Thalia simply replied, smiling up to Connor when he met her eyes.

'Well, it's going to be fun to see who he chooses as his teacher.' The dwarf chuckled, amused at the thought. He couldn't say who would be more freaked out about having a teenager around: Would it be Vivienne? Dorian? Or maybe Solas?

'I didn't say I wouldn't teach him anymore Varric, just that he could learn new things.' She pointed out to her friend.

'I see, I see. You're a possessive teacher, uh?' He giggled, amused by this unknown protective side she just showed.

'I'm just-' she stopped, sighing. 'I like teaching him, he's helped more than he knows...' She quietly added looking down at her feet.

'And his uncle didn't oppose to this little trip?' Varric asked, at which Thalia smiled broadly.

'I had my ways of convincing him...' She trailed off, clearly alluding to something the dwarf didn't want to know.

‘Well, I’m glad you’re coming back, regardless.’ He stated, pattingg her lightly.

‘Me too.’ She replied to his smile.

 

Skyhold was as big as impressive as the first time she had seen it, nestled in the heart of the mountains. Stealing a glance at an amazed-beyond-words Connor, she briefly thought if it was possible to ever get accustomed to its sight.

_Probably not_ , she decided as they rode the long bridge.

They came to a stop in the lower courtyard, and immediately a couple of stable-hands moved closer to attend to the horses.

Thalia dismounted her mare, recovering her things from where they were attached to the saddle.

‘This place is…’ Connor trailed off, his eyes too busy taking in every detail for his mouth to say anything more.

‘Breathtaking, yes.’ His teacher finished for him.

‘Well, it looks like this time you’re getting a proper welcome’ Varric announced, forcing her attention to switch first to him and then to the three figures that were approaching.

‘Is that-‘ she heard Connor awestruck voice behind her.

‘Yup’ Varric simply replied, moving towards said person.

‘Charming’ he saluted with a nod as he passed them.

‘Varric’ the Inquisitor smiled back before coming to a stop in front of her, two of his advisers on tow.

‘Milady. It’s an honour having you here.’ Iazell bowed slightly, a fist closed on his heart, as both Leliana and Josephine did the same.

Thalia felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment at such display. There was _really_ no need for all that formality.

‘The honour is mine, Inquisitor. I shouldn’t be welcomed so kindly after my childish behaviour’ she replied, mimicking his gestures to show her respects.

Leliana chuckled, finally breaking that uncomfortable air of seriousness.

‘I assure you, our dear Inquisitor is sometimes _way_ more childish than you have been’ she joked, moving to wrap her friend in a tight hug.

‘Glad to hear it’ she laughed, squeezing her one more time before letting go.

‘Well, now that that’s out of the way… – The Inquisitor went on – please go drag Cullen out of his misery!’ he half pleaded half ordered.

 

That afternoon, Skyhold was in a frenzy. There was people in every corner, whispering and gossiping about something.

But whatever it was, Cullen did not care. Unless there was an immediate military emergency, he wouldn't be bothered.

And since Coryphaeus wasn't attacking them, he concluded he could proceed with his business.

It wasn't until dinner time that he found out what all that fuss had been about. He had not moved from his office despite his stomach's protests and was trying to make sense of a report, when a knock on his front door distracted him.

He waited, but nobody came through.

'Come in' he barked, already annoyed by the intruder's inefficiency.

The door cracked open slowly, and a hooded figure slipped inside.

At first, he frowned at the stranger, quickly evaluating if he was in any immediate danger, while a hand automatically fell to his sword hilt.

But then the black hood slid off of the offender's face and he froze.

His mind went blank, his muscles refused to obey.

Was it really _her_? Was she standing there _for real_? Or was that another blasted dream?

'Well, your friends didn't joke when they said you looked like shit.' The woman said, a grim smile on her pursed lips.

'Wh-' he tried to talk but his voice came out strangled. 'What are you doing here?' He attempted again, clearing his voice. It still came out hoarse.

Thalia stepped closer cautiously, acting as if she was walking around a startled animal.

'I...came to stay...' She answered truthfully, if not a bit hesitantly.

Hearing those words, Cullen's eyes widened even more.

No, this couldn't be.

He _must be_ dreaming!

'I don't understand.' Was all he managed to get out his mind. Thoughts were chasing themselves in circles inside his head, spinning behind his eyes.

‘It’s really not that hard to understand, I just made up my mind.’ She muttered sheepishly, diverting her gaze as she spoke.

She was ashamed of her choices, ashamed of the way she left things before leaving, but she did not know how – or even _if_ she could make things better between them.

Also, Leliana hadn’t specified how much or what she had confided in Cullen about her sudden departure and her recent whereabouts, which made her cautious about divulging information.

Silence stretched on in the tower, the sounds of the keep muffled by the stone but still audible. Cullen was refusing to meet her eyes, his head spinning at an alarming rate.

She was there, _for real_ , telling him that she was going to stay.

But for _how long_? How long before she changed her mind and ran away again? Was he ready to give up his sanity for her?

A deep sigh caught his attention, and he rose his gaze to see Thalia plopping down on the chair she had used months earlier.

‘Listen, I’m not asking you to forgive me, nor I expect your understanding. I’m sorry I caused you to be in pain, it was never in my intentions to hurt anybody, though it’s clear I didn’t quite succeed…’ she sighed again, trying to voice the thoughts that had been raging in her head for the whole length of her journey.

Once again, the Commander was left speechless. It seemed it happened rather frequently when the Mage was involved.

She didn’t want to anger him with her words, but the man was thicker than a tree and stubborn as a druffalo, and the meaning she had wished to convey went conveniently over his head.

‘Do you really think so little of me not to expect my forgiveness?’ he hissed, the fire of indignation flooding his veins.

Did she really give him so little credit as to think him a monster without reason?

_But you were. Not so long ago you would have had her head for simply_ suspecting _her a blood mage._

And there it was again, the little voice in the back of his head that was so apt at telling the truth and reminding him of what he used to be before the Inquisition.

Thalia shook her head and got up, moving to the door.

She already had a hand of the handle when she stopped and turned around to face him.

‘Does it really matter what I think of you? You’ve always just seen what you wanted to anyway, Cullen.’ She muttered, smiling sadly and disappearing outside.

 

After that first pointless conversation, a week went by in relative peace, with no major change in their routine.

Thalia had insert herself, under suggestion of The Inquisitor and his – though not all of them - advisors, as stand-in leader of the few wardens that had decided to stay within the Inquisition fortress. She still kept on teaching Connor, though she had allowed the boy to go and observe the various techniques of the Inner Circle’s mages.

Each of them had agreed with quite some unexpected eagerness to show off their talents, in the hope, maybe, to sway one more mage in their own class of skills.

And so the days flew, with the woman dividing her time in between training with the Wardens, training with Connor in a less physical way, and taking part in the War Room meetings along with Morrigan.

She was glad she had allowed herself to be convinced to come back. She had truly missed the camaraderie that created between people fighting united for a cause. Yes, she had to admit that she had taken a shine on the Inquisition: each member was unique in its own way, adding something that another missed, balancing everything perfectly.

But, unfortunately, not everyone was as eager to have her around.

For the whole week the two former lovers had avoided each other in every way possible, talking only when a discussion at the War Table demanded it, but never actually looking at one another. By the end of the seventh day, everyone had noticed their behavior, and some were starting to question it.

First in line was, obviously, Leliana.

She managed to corner Thalia in the rotunda one day, cutting her escape route by inviting her to talk on the small balcony outside the rookery. The Warden might have been a tad crazy, but she’d never jump off a place that high. Or at least the Nightingale hoped.

‘Did you have something to tell me?’ her friend inquired, as Leliana kept on thinking about whether she would or could escape the conversation by jumping down.

‘As a matter of fact, yes. I do.’ She replied cryptically, now looking at her with a oddly preoccupied light in her eyes.

‘Then shoot, I don’t have much time’ Thalia urged her, not really sure of what she was up there for.

‘Are you settling in alright?’ the bard heard herself ask to her friend. She wasn’t sure why she was circling around the topic, but a sixth sense was telling her not to go straight to the point.

Thalia frowned.

‘Yeah, I’ve had no trouble fitting in so far. Why’d you ask?’ at this point she was downright confused on the sense of the conversation.

That was the time to strike, fast and clean.

‘No particular reason, I just noticed that you haven’t spoken much with Cullen since the first day you arrived. His brooding has finally ceased, but he doesn’t seem to be in a better mood… ’

_Ah, there it is, the point of this clever ambush. And I fell right into it…_ Thalia thought bitterly, as she tried to come up with a sufficient enough excuse to satisfy her friend’s curiosity.

She thought for a bit, eyes drifting off in the direction of the tower that the Commander used as his base of operation.

But did she really need to lie to Leliana? Was there even a point?

Sighing, she turned back.

‘I don’t think we will be able to ever settle things between the two of us, Leli. He might be a changed man, but I doubt he’ll ever forgive me for using blood magic, not even if I stopped using it for the rest of my life. And, honestly, I don’t even want to try and convince him of my reasons. As I told him, he only sees what he wants to see anyway, there is no point.’ She answered truthfully, confessing the thoughts that had been weighting on her chest since day one.

Leliana mulled things over in her head, putting together the pieces of information Thalia had given her, and trying to build a somewhat solid opinion on the whole affair.

She knew her friend to be a pragmatic woman, ready to use whatever means to reach the desired end, though never she had done something to hurt someone she cared about on purpose. The fact that she had learned and practiced blood magic had shocked her only in part; somewhere in the back of her head she had always known it could have happened, and though she did not trust the complications that such practice involved, she had faith in her friend’s ability to master it without consequences.

On the other hand, Cullen was one stubborn man, hardly ever swayed from his own opinions if not confronted with solid proofs. He had a complicated history with magic and mages, – blood mages, in particular – a history Thalia herself had been part of. But Kirkwall was something she had not witnessed, and was blind to the man’s reasons for mistrusting her willpower. But he could also be blind and especially thick, and more times than he would have liked to admit, subtlety passed right over his head.

Leliana didn’t know what route was best to take: convince her friend to give up the blood magic or try to make the Commander see the utility it brought?

Stealing a glance at Thalia, who had gone back at staring longingly towards the tower, she decided that maybe, the best way to succeed, was to make them both see reason.

Whether she could manage to accomplish such task, however, was another matter entirely.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was more of a filler chapter than anything else, to be honest, but I obviusly needed to put it in there.   
> From here, there will be one or maybe two more easy-going chapters (one of which will include smut, angsty, drunken, smut!) and then we will dive head-first into the mud. It's about time we start exploring what is actually wrong with Thalia, is it not?  
> See you soon!


	14. Ain't no rest for the wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut featured...in the next chapter!  
> ahaha sorry!

‘The report from the Graves finally came in. It seems a group that goes by the mane of “The Freemen of the Dales” is making deals with the Red Templars to smuggle the red lyrium.’ Leliana announced to the room, quickly scanning the piece of parchment in her hand.

‘Yes, and I’m pretty sure those smugglers can lead us back to Samson, Inquisitor.’ Cullen pointed out, a hand squeezing the hilt of his sword to express his anger.

Thalia’s attention switched on.

‘Who’s this Samson?’ she asked. She had heard the name before, and even read it somewhere in reports, but she’d always branded it as ultimately not-so-important since no one has seemed inclined to clarify the detail to her. Hearing it around the War Table, though, meant it wasn’t so unimportant as she had initially thought. Which made her feel stupid for not asking sooner.

‘He’s Corypheus’ general, the one that led the Templars to their disgrace.’ Cullen spat, the distaste so hard in his voice it almost stung.

‘He’s been feeding them red lyrium and turning them into monsters. We’ve been trying to locate his primal source for a while, and maybe now we actually have a solid lead.’ Iazell clarified, gaze attentively fixed on the spot where a marker indicated the location of the forward camp in the Emerald Graves.

‘I see. Then if we take out these _Freemen_ , we can strike a blow on his operation, right?’ the Warden reasoned.

‘That’s our hope.’

For a second they all paused.

‘Leliana, have your people scouting the place; I want to know where they’re hiding. Cullen, send a squad ahead of us; we’ll need a hand in clearing out the whole operation, the Graves aren’t exactly small, after all. Josephine, see if any of your contacts has heard something new about the lyrium in the area; if they are smuggling in the graves it means the main quarry can’t be too far.’

The three advisors nodded in agreement to their leader’s decision, while Thalia found herself moping at the idea of having to spend an imprecise amount of time without having anything important to do.

Maybe, if she insisted, she could convince the Inquisitor to have her leave with Cullen’s soldiers…

‘Warden-Commander’

Thalia’s head immediately snapped toward the man that had just spoke, wincing ever so slightly at the title. Since she had assumed the position within the Wardens some weeks back, they had started to refer to her with her title again.

And she wasn’t all too happy about it.

‘Yes, Inquisitor?’ she replied, trying not to show her uneasiness.

‘You are coming with me, so I suggest you start packing. We’re leaving in two days.’ He announced, a sly grin pulling at the side of his mouth.

‘Dismissed.’

 

She was on her way back to the Mages’ tower when Varric caught her, weaving at her to join him at his table.

Thalia was a bit on a rush, the excitement of the imminent trip still fresh in her veins, but she stopped at the dwarf’s side nonetheless.

‘Meeting’s finally over?’ he asked, nodding towards the door she had come from.

‘So it would seem. We should be leaving in a couple days’ she reported, plopping down on one of the many chairs.

‘Aren’t we eager to go back in the field, uh?’ Varric chuckled, pleased to see his friend in such renewed spirits.

‘Maker yes! My mana is itching to get loose, I can’t wait to do some damage!’ she exclaimed, wiggling her fingers as she said that, making Varric laugh.

‘I wager not everyone is as pleased as you are to let you run around the field hitting bad guys, though’ he then commented, pointing at something behind her with a jerk of his head.

Thalia turned halfway just in time to see Cullen coming out of Josephine’s office along with the Inquisitor. The two men were deep in conversation and barely spared them any notice as they walked out of the hall.

‘Yeah well, he’s not my boss’ she replied dryly once they were out of earshot.

‘True enough. Although…something must have happened, right? Sure, he doesn’t go around beating the shit out of every recruit that looks at him funny, nor he broods as much as before, but still…’ he trailed off, his eyes glued to her face, ready to catch the slightest reaction on her part.

‘Varric, do you ever talk to people without ending up prying in their personal lives?’ she groaned, annoyed but not really.

She wasn’t surprised he had brought up the question, in all honesty she was shocked he hadn’t asked about it before.

‘Hey, if I started minding my own businesses, how would I write my books?’ he pointed out with a cheeky smile. ‘So, what happened?’ he pressed on.

Thalia sighed, but ultimately obliged the dwarf.

‘Nothing really happened. I think he has some issues to work through regarding… _us_. Obviously, me not regretting using blood magic is probably the main one.’

That clearly wasn’t all, much more had to have transpired between the two of them, but Varric knew well how to work to get the other half of the story.

‘I see, I see. Anyway, I called you over for another matter’ he quickly changed the topic.

Thalia quirked a brow and waited for him to go on.

‘We’re having a game of Wicked Grace at the tavern tonight, if you feel like coming’ he explained, hoping she would just agree to it without making queries.

The former Warden-Commander thought it over for a bit, but eventually accepted the invitation. After all, if she were to stay and become an official member of the Inquisition, she might as well get to know them a little better.

The fact that she could also cheat magnificently at it, did _not_ influence her decision. At all.

‘Good. See you after dinner then!’ he concluded, weaving her away to go back to his scattered parchments.

Thalia stuck her tongue out at him and went her way.

 

Some hours later, she was getting ready to head out, when Connor knocked on her door.

She let him without questions, as of habit, but the boy did not move from the door, instead he looked at her with amusement written all over his face.

‘What with that stupid smile on your face, uh?’ she asked, going back at the mirror to finish braiding her hair.

‘Nothing, really. I just seemed to remember how you and uncle ditched me in the middle of dinner the last time you wore _that_ outfit…’ he pointed out, giving her a look over.

Thalia laughed his words off.

‘Are you sure it was this one? You know, we ditched you many times…’ she remarked, forcing a pin in her hair to keep the tiny braid in place.

‘Why do I even bother…’ the young man sighed, shaking his head and actually hurrying to recover the book he had come to look for.

Thalia gave him a side glance, a smirk playing on her lips.

‘I’ll have you know that this outfit was given to me by a friend  - which happens to be the Queen of Pirates, by the way – and it is perfectly casual attire’ she countered with her own share of sass.

‘Uh, uh. That is _totally_ a “casual attire”. No second goals contemplated. Nope. Not at all.’ He said nonchalantly, eyes busy scanning the shelves, still searching for that book.

‘And pray tell, did you always have such tongue or is it someone’s influence that brought it out?’ she bit back, pinning the last of her hair in place and finally turning to face him.

‘I may have been spending time with Ser Pavus and Master Tethras, lately…’ he trailed off, avoiding to turn around, though he could still feel her pointed gaze digging in his back.

‘ ‘s that so. I think I’ll have a word with the two gentlemen about leading my pupil astray’ she declared in all seriousness, leaving her seat.

Obviously, she was just joking – she was glad he had gained some wits – but he didn’t need to know, did he?

‘Wha- no!’ he sputtered, tripping on his own feet as he moved to stop her from leaving.

She turned to see colour drain from his face at the thought of the embarrassment she was about to inflict on him; then she smirked, and blood rushed back in as he caught sight of her overly amused expression.

‘You are joking’ he stated, voice devoid of mirth.

‘This’ll teach you, you lad. You’re way too young to be able to play this game with me’ she declared, staring down at him with a satisfied face.

Connor sighed and raised his hands in defeat.

‘Fine, fine. I got it!’ he scoffed, giving her his back.

Thalia chuckled wholeheartedly and reached over her head to take the book he had been looking for, handing it over.

‘Good boy. – she addressed him with a smile, ruffling his hair – Now off you go, I have several games of Wicked Grace to win.’

 

The fortress was uncharacteristically quiet that night, as she passed through the main hall to the Tavern. Few nobles stalked the hall, their voices barely audible as if they were afraid to break the balance of the silence.

Thalia walked at a slow pace, enjoying the calm before the rowdy full immersion she would certainly step in once at the Herald’s Rest. She really looked forward to sit down and play with them; there was nothing better than gambling and alcohol to bring people together, and since she had quite much that had to be forgiven by half of the Inquisition, she was eager to see what the night had in store for her.

 _“No second goals contemplated. Nope. Not at all”_ Connor’s words came back to her as she descended the long stairwell to the courtyard and she faltered, coming to a stop midway down.

Was he right? Had she dressed in such manner to accomplish something _more_?

Well, maybe she would use the distraction in her favour, that was a possibility, but there was something in the back of her mind that told her the boy hadn’t been too far off in his assumptions.

No, she hadn’t worn that outfit to _seduce_ anyone, she told herself resuming her walk.

_Even if I wanted to seduce him, Cullen won’t even be there…_

As her own thought reached the thinking part of her brain, her feet stumbled on themselves when it stopped sending instructions.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake-‘ she hissed as she hurried to regain her footing.

‘Is age finally getting to you?’ a voice laughed at her clumsiness from behind.  

Thalia spun around and saw Varric coming down the stairs, still chuckling at her own expense.

‘If you can walk just fine at _your age_ , I think I’m good’ she bit back, embarrassed that someone had witnessed to her mishap. And knowing the dwarf, this little stumbling would certainly end up being retold during the night.

_Wonderful._

‘Now, that was just rude! But I’ll take it as a compliment, if you don’t mind’ he said, laughter still rumbling in his chest.

‘Suit yourself.’

The pair quickly proceeded to the meeting point, and Thalia failed to analyze where in the Void that thought had come from.

Fortunately – or unfortunately depending on the point of view – she soon discovered that she needn’t have bothered with it in the first place. As the pair walked through the door of the Herald’s Rest, the woman immediately scanned the place, noticing that the usual setting had been moved around in favour of several tables all huddled together in the centre of the room in order to accommodate all the players. On one side, The Inquisitor was chatting quietly with Dorian and Josephine on each side, Blackwall and Sera sat at the two extremities while Bull, Cassandra, Cole and Cullen occupied the other side.

The sight of the Commander gave her pause.

She _definitely_ had not expected him to participate in such events, but perhaps the company of this particular people had changed him quite a bit.

She was caught so off guard by Cullen’s presence, that she failed to notice everyone watching her until Bull’s bellowing voice rang over everyone else’s.

‘Our mighty Hero! Come, join us!’ he invited her to take a seat next to him, right beside the blond man.

Thalia rolled her eyes at the more than evident attempt of the Quanri to force her in that casually constructed trap, but sat down anyway. She knew everyone knew about the tension that ran between the two of them, and she didn’t intend to give them more to talk about.

‘Are you ready to lose all your money, aye?’ she joked, grinning up at the gray giant next to her.

‘You think you can beat me?’ he mocked her, so sure of his skills as he was.

This time around Thalia laughed openly in to his face, making him raise an eyebrow questioningly.

‘I may not be too much of a spy, but I can certainly hold my own against you Qunari.’

But she had no intention to reveal her cards and simply gave him a sly smile.

‘Now, now. Behave you too. Everyone knows _I’m_ the one who’s gonna win!’ Varric retorted from the other side of Bull, where he sat casually next to Cassandra.

‘Oh, you are so sure of yourself old man, and that’s what going to make you lose!’ she taunted back, laying back on her chair to have a clear look at the dwarf over the bulk of Bull’s muscles.

‘Then by all means, deal us in!’

 

It took her two tankards of ale, a glass of antivan wine and a lot of cheating, but after two hours she was pleased to say that she had won three hands against Varric, one against the Inquisitor, and two against Josephine. The Ambassador was a tricky adversary to play with, her cunning mind and kind smile hid her cheating hands very well, and had she not played countless times with Zevran, she’d have been fooled.

But as things were, Zevran had actually been the one to teach her the game, meaning she had a chance at telling the woman off.

‘I see that little smile of yours, you are cheating’ Dorian’s voice caught her attention from across the table. The mage was leaning on his lover’s shoulder, his cards abandoned on the table, folded.

Thalia laughed at his accusations as she looked at the cards on the table, studying her next move.

‘You can’t prove anything’ she smiled, dismissing his claims.

Not that it really mattered, Wicked Grace had probably been invented to be cheated at, anyway.

‘Actually, I can’ another voice joined in, though it was more of a whisper on her skin.

She turned her head slightly towards Bull and raised her eyebrows. The Qunari had folded his hand a couple rounds earlier and was now attentively watching her game, and of course he had noticed her little tricks.

A hand skillfully ran up her tight and slipped inside the slit of her skirt, stopping just short of her smalls.

‘I see. Do I even want to know how you managed to guess?’ she whispered back, a flirtatious note colourig her voice.

‘Maybe I was looking at you, maybe I’m just lucky…’ he trailed off, moving his glance from the table to her, a smile pulling at his lips.

‘Or maybe it’s both’ he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and finally getting hold of the cards that were hid just above of where his hand had stopped on her tight.

‘I suppose I should have expected it from you, Ser Qunari Spy’ she giggled, leaning on his side ever so slightly, tempted by the warmth he was emanating. ‘But rest assured, I saw all of your tells, too’ she said lightly in his ear, grinning when she felt his hand squeeze down on her.

‘ ‘s that so’ he hummed, his eye quickly darting to the rest of the room to make sure no one was paying attention to them. ‘Then maybe you could show me what I did wrong’ he purred as his hand moved from its spot towards her inner tight, brushing lightly against her core.

Thalia’s breath hitched, but she did not manage a reply as Josephine’s voice startled her out of the moment, making her jump on the chair and away from Bull.

‘Is everything alright My Lady?  - she asked, amusement and worry mixed in her voice – It’s your turn.’

At this point, only Cullen and her had remained in the game against the sneaky Ambassador, everyone else had decided that it was best to fold, else they lose more than their money to the woman.

‘Are you sure you wanna play this? Our Ambassador looks pretty confident’ Varric chimed from beside her, maybe a bit annoyed for having been outplayed, but definitely content to have his hands free and on Cassandra.

‘Naaah, she got this’ Bull replied for her, confident that she had the right cards to play.

‘And how would you know?’ Cullen snarled on her other side; if looks could kill, the Iron Bull would probably already be a puddle of Quanri goo.

‘ _I_ paid attention’ the other replied, his voice calm and composed, showing to the Commander that he had the control.

Cullen just scoffed. He probably had had too much to drink because otherwise he never would have acted that way, or so she suspected. He also was still stubbornly playing against the Antivan, another sign that he probably was not totally in himself. He’d never been much of a gambler…

‘Gentleman, if you would, I think I have this game under control’ she spoke up, putting them both back in their places. Whether their problems involved her or not, she did not like being spoken for.

That said, she made her move, successfully winning the round as expected.

‘Well then, who’s up for another?’ she challenged the table, but no one seemed neither interested nor in the conditions to keep playing.

‘I think I will accept your challenge, My Lady. I need to win my pride back, after all!’ Josephine laughed, passing over her cards to her so that the deck could be shuffled.

‘I’m in too’ the Commander said, surprising her.

He hadn’t spoken to her the whole night, so those were probably the first words he had directed towards her.

Thalia smirked.

‘Suit yourself.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: so sorry I didn't add any notes earlier, I was on a rush!   
> Anyway, I had a smut scene ready to be written, a scene that I think has long been anticipated, but then the chapter was going to be too long for my tastes, so you'll have to have a bit more patience with me! This way I'll be able to write it properly, so yeah, untill next time!


	15. Mistake after Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, if any of you follows Write it Again, I'm finally back on track.  
> This chapter gave me some huge troubles tbh, I'm not confident with writing smut, so bear with me if this turns out not so good.  
> Anyhow, this was supposed to be longer than this, but after writing the end I felt like I had to cut it there, so here we go.

As expected, that one last game hadn’t turned out all that well for the poor Commander.

The Ambassador was a formidable player, even more so when her pride was at stake, and the man had found himself trapped between two stubborn women trying to play one another. He was a stubborn fool though, and didn’t fold even when he had no more coin to bet. Which resulted in the current state of events that saw Thalia helping Cullen back to his office, a concealing spell protecting them from prying eyes.

She was glad she had at least managed to convince Josephine to spare Cullen's breeches and mane (because there was no other way to define that odd over-coat of his, really), otherwise this little walk would have turned out way more awkward that it currently was. Why she had offered to accompany him back was a mystery, it wasn’t as if they had made peace – or spoken _at all_ during the game, for that matter… 

She hadn't missed the fact that Cullen had noticed the Iron Bull's wandering hand under the table - something she did not regret in the least, that was one skilled Qunari right there -, and she also hadn't missed the way the Commander had kept glaring at the man for the rest of the evening.

She sighed.

Why was she even doing this? She could have currently been enjoying a nice night of rough sex, but no! She had to offer to help him, just to show she was better than this unforgiving man!

'Andraste's flaming ass, I'm an idiot' she hissed under her breath, shaking her head in disbelief.

Cullen didn’t say anything. Whether he had heard her or not, whether he had understood her thoughts or not, he did not give any indication.

The both of them kept going, walking slowly and in silence.

It was the first time since the night of her arrival that they were alone, and Thalia wasn’t sure _if_ she needed to say anything at all…her head was all fuzzed and confused, partly due to all she had to drink, and honestly her mind was occupied wondering if she could still go back and take what the Iron Bull had subtly suggested he could offer her…

Another sigh.

Finally the door of Cullen's office came into sight and she felt the relief washing over her.

'Here you go, have a good night' she said once they were standing in front of said door.

Cullen did not bother to reply, so she turned on her heels, snapping her index and thumb to call off the protection of the spell.

She did not manage to take more than two step before a hand harshly stopped her retreat. With a mildly shocked expression, Thalia turned towards the man that had her wrist in an iron clutch, her face cramped with both confusion and expectation as she tried to decipher Cullen's intentions.

For the whole walk there he hadn't spoken a word to her, nor had he given any sign of anything at all, and she hadn't wasted energy in even trying to initiate a conversation.

After all, _she_ had made things clear with him, hence it was him who had to work out whatever issue he seemed to have with her.

 _And maybe he has..._ A thought passed through her mind, fleeting as she took in the determination that was fueling whatever burned under his skin.

'Is there something you want?' she asked, voice low in an almost whisper, as if afraid to break the quiet and stillness that surrounded them.

At the sound of her voice, Cullen seemed to waver ever so slightly, a glimpse of doubt insinuating in the creases if his determination. But soon the glimpse died down, and his honeyed eyes steeled once more with a heavy light.

'Come in' he commanded more than asked as he left go of her wrist to get the door open.

He stepped inside his own office, but Thalia stalled, shifting her weight from foot to foot, a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't uneasy or scared, but there was _something_ telling her that maybe, _just maybe_ , she shouldn't go in.

_I'm just being paranoid, surely..._

With a deep breath, she made up her mind and followed Cullen in the room.

As she entered, she lit up a candle that was resting on the desk with a flick of her wrist, just as she had done the night he had correctly guessed her identity.

With a sad little smile, Thalia wondered if she was ever going to get even a pleasant memory out of this place; thus far it seemed to hold only a succession of arguments and poorly made choices…

Absorbed as she was in her own thoughts, she almost missed the hand that loudly slammed beside her head on the hard wood of the door.

Startled, she looked up to see Cullen standing only inches away from her, his body blocking the way. She searched for his eyes, her mind gaining speed as she tried and failed to understand what was going on with this man. But before she could speak up to him, ask him what the hell he was doing, his voice anticipated hers.

‘I saw you’ he said, his voice law, as if he was growling in her ear.

The air caught in her throat at the feeling of his breath on the sensitive skin of her ear mixed with the growl of his voice.

What was he referring to? The game, or...?

'Wh-what are you talking about?' She managed to stutter, her senses already overwhelmed by his everything.

His heath was as intoxicating as his scent-

'You let him touch you!' He growled again, pressing her further against the door with his own body.

Maker's breath! It was starting to get difficult to think with him this close!

'Cullen, you are drunk. Let me go' she gently tried to reason with him. This was wrong, so wrong, and if it didn't stop, they were both going to regret whatever was bound to happen!

Sadly, his stubbornness seemed to be enhanced by the alcohol that flooded his blood.

'He touched you!' He repeated, and this time he made sure to get his point across, slipping a hand under the slit of her skirt like the Iron Bull had only some hours earlier.

Thalia hissed at the contact of his warm hand on her bare tight, pleasure and wariness mixing in her blood. It wasn't as if she didn't want Cullen, but to have him this way, angry, drunk and not in full control of himself felt utterly wrong. She tried to move him away, planting her hands on his shoulders and pushing. Or trying to. He didn't bulge.

'Cullen! I said let me go!' She raised her voice a tad, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention from outside.

Her voice was almost as desperate as his hands were, wandering on her body and pinning her back.

'Cullen, please' she whimpered, gripping the fur of his over-coat to keep her knees from giving out under her.

Despite what her mind was telling her, her body obeyed to other laws and could not not react at this man's touch.

'I won't allow it again' he all but roared against her ear.

Then his mouth was biting her lobe.

'You'

He suckled where he bit and then moved south, planting open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

'Are'

He stopped for a moment and just looked at her: with her hair splayed against the dark wood, her eyes wide and watery with a burning desire, her body pressed against his....Maker she was gorgeous!

And she was going to be his and his only.

'Mine'

And he crushed his lips on hers, kissing her hungrily, tasting the sweetness of the wine on her mouth.

Thalia, caught once more off guard, let out a moan when he bit her lower lip, almost compelling her to grant him access to her mouth.

Cullen seemed too enthralled by it all to even realize what he was doing, and with each passing moment Thalia too could feel her willpower slip through her fingers, so tightly gripped on him.

His assault was relentless, his kisses soon became more frantic, needy, and before either of them could come to realize it, their bodies were already seeking relief with each other.

The last string of denial broke when Cullen’s hand moved from her round ass to her core, teasing her with butterflies touches over the fabric of her smalls. She couldn’t help her hips when they buckled in to his hand, nor she could contain the high pitched moan that left her mouth. Cullen groaned on her mouth and reciprocated her enthusiasm, causing a yelp of surprise to leave her at the feeling of his hard member against her tight.

Thalia’s heart was hammering mercilessly in her chest, her brain was fuzzy and torn between the need to have this man, and the dying voice of her conscience telling her to get away.

But she didn’t need to make a decision, because her body made it for her, restlessly moving against his, pleading him to take her.

Cullen didn’t waste any more time. His free hand yanked her smalls out of the way before moving to undo his own breeches.

Before she could even process what was happening, Cullen was already completely sheathed inside her, groaning and murmuring nonsense in her ear.

She was overwhelmed by a feeling of fullness that, despite the various partners she had had through the years, she had never quite felt this way. Not even Teagan had felt like this, but that was probably due to the lack of emotional baggage that existed, on the other hand, between Cullen and her.

Their relationship had been made of stolen moments and fleeting emotions that they hadn’t had a chance to explore further. She knew she had loved him, and leaving had left a scar on her heart, a guilt that she never quite washed out of her blood, a wound that she had never managed to stop from bleeding, especially after what she had seen when she had freed the Tower.

Thoughts and feelings scrambled the second Cullen started moving, pumping in and out with breathtaking force.

Neither of them had the patience to keep a more steady pace; Cullen was pounding in to her and she was arching her back, pushing back on the door to give herself an edge.

The room soon filled with the sound of skin on skin, their moans twirling and twisting around each others, while both of them worked towards their releases.

It didn’t take long, soon they were both gasping for air. Thalia felt that tightness in her stomach that was the telltale signal of her orgasm approaching and her walls tightened around his member.

‘I’m-‘ her voice died in her throat as Cullen took up the rhythm, his movements frantic and desperate as he worked towards his own end.

‘Fuck- I’m-!’ Cullen groaned in her ear once more, while Thalia could not, for the life of her, keep back the scream of pleasure that escaped her lungs, filling the space between them as Cullen followed her release, spilling in to her.

 

It took them sometime to even their breaths and regain their composure, and, as seconds turned into minutes, Thalia could already feel the guilt prickling her skin.

On the other hand, as the nerve-wracking feeling of his orgasm washed over, Cullen could feel himself sober up, and suddenly he was very aware of what he had just done.

His face immediately flushed a hundred different shades of red as he moved almost abruptly away from her, turning around and giving her his back.

He fussed over his clothing quickly, not daring to look at her even when he heard the rustling of clothes being smothered.

Thalia stood there, speechless and incapable of reading the situation.

Was she supposed to leave? Was he going to say something? Should she stay and try to talk about what had just happened between them?

‘I’m sorry…’

Cullen’s grave voice caught her attention, and she snapped her face up to look at him.

He was standing next to his desk, a hand tightly gripped on its surface. He was pointedly not looking at her.

‘What about?’ she tried to keep her voice level, devoid of emotion. She did not trust herself to be reasonable were he to say the wrong thing.

‘This- this shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake…’ he went on, still not looking at her.

At this, Thalia could agree wholeheartedly.

But that wasn’t all.

‘You shouldn’t have come, this…it’s your fault…’

And then the world seemed to stop.

_What?_

**What?**

Thalia was wide eyed and incredulous.

For a split second, she thought she had imagined those words.

But then she caught sight of his face, and immediately knew he had said them for real.

Maker, he even believed them…

‘I…I see’ she replied, venom dripping down her tongue.

But that wasn’t neither the place nor the time to lash out.

Tomorrow she’d be on her way to the Graves, there she would be able to work this out of her system.

But certainly she would not forgive him for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why and how we came to this, but from next ch we should see a bit of plot development regarding Thalia. Since we all know how Inquisition goes, I doubt there will be anything sursprising about the storyline in general. though there will be major detours, obv.  
> See you next time!  
> As usual, feedback in highly appreciated!


	16. 'The Storm Coast is very...stormy'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I bet none of you expected me to update so early!   
> Am I right?  
> Lucky for us all, as I took a nao this afternoon, I had an epiphany and worked out the part of the plot that was still blurry.   
> This is still of a fill-in chapter, but we are getting to the major event of this story! So hold tight!  
> .  
> .  
> .

She was angry.

And ashamed.

But mostly just angry.

She could not stand being treated like that.

No.

No way.

One couldn't just take advantage of her and then dismiss her as if the mistake had been hers to begin with.

Oh no.

Until apologies were going to be given, she was at war.

Her mana itched under her skin as her ire flowed in her blood, now stronger than it had been just after the deed.

The night she had spent sleepless had only managed to enrage her even more, adding insult to injury as her brain conjured one shameful thought after the other by the minute.

Time could not pass quicker for how strong she felt the necessity to just kill something or someone.

And spirits wouldn't do.

No.

She had learned years ago what was needed to sate her anger when it was this strong. It needed blood.

Blood she would not smear her conscience with, no.

Whatever blood was going to be spilled would be on Cullen's even if the hand that drew it was hers.

And she would not have a single regret.

She never did, after all.

When sunrise came, she gathered her things and headed to gates without giving as much as a glance to anyone around.

Thankfully enough Varric wasn't around, this way she could avoid mistreating the dwarf.

As she reached the gates, she noticed a small crowd gathered and her mood worsened ever-so-slightly. She didn't want to deal with more people than strictly necessary, not until she could kill the anger out of her system.

Nevertheless she continued on her way, trying to school her features in a generally neutral expression. The idea to sustain a number of questions about the reason behind her bad mood was not appealing in the least, and the other party would not like the outcome for sure.

As she descended the stairs to the lower courtyard she managed to tell apart the party she would be travelling with.

The Inquisitor was assumingly discussing the last details with Leliana and Josephine, while Cassandra helped Bull ready their provisions on the horses. Dorian was fashionably standing in the middle of them, checking his own extremely stylish equipment.

She didn't miss the fact that the Commander was nowhere to be seen.

'Ah, Thalia. Good morning' the Spymaster greeted her as she noted her approach. Both Iazell and Josephine turned to her with a greeting smile that she tried her best to reciprocate.

'How are you faring my lady? I'm afraid last night got a little...rowdy' the Ambassador asked, a bashful flush coloring her bronze cheeks.

'I must confess that I am a bit tired, but I've survived through worse' she lightly joked, throwing a knowing glance to her former companion, half trying to evoke pleasing memories, half hoping she would drop that suspicious look she was now reserving her.

' That's a relief to hear. I was a bit concerned when you walked the Commander back... He must have been really tired, he didn't even show up to see the party off' Josephine wondered out loud, honestly concerned for his well being.

Thalia suspected he was more ashamed than tired, but she didn't trust herself to respond in a none-bitter manner. Hence, she simply offered a smile in reply.

' I'm sure Cullen's ok, Josie. But I'll check up on him later if it'll make you feel better' Liliana said, though she was looking pointedly at Thalia rather than the Ambassador.

' Yes, that'll put my mind at ease, thank you!'

Thankfully, the Inquisitor - that in the mean time had taken advantage to double check everything with the others - stepped in the conversation before it could continue any further along those lines.

' Master Dennett is almost done prepping your horse, we'll head out as soon as your ready' Iazell explained, pointing towards the stables with his thumb.

' Of course Inquisitor' Thalia nodded her thanks.

Josephine, ever the efficient woman, took advantage of the little window of time to remind him a meeting with some nobles that had to happen as soon as he came back.

Sensing the opportunity to ask some of the question that swirled in her mind, Leliana skillfully trapped Thalia in a very focused conversation.

' Are you going to tell me what happened last night or are you just waiting to murdered half of Skyhold while I'm not looking?' She asked, not even bothering to dance around the topic.

Thalia's scowl was so deep she feared it could permanently be hatched in her skin. She made to talk, obviously ready to brush the whole thing off, but Leliana held out a hand to interrupt her.

' Don't look at me like that. I recognize that face. The last time you had that face you took up two ogres by yourself and almost got killed in the process, and it was right after we had left Kinloch Hold. So something **must** have happened' she declared, sure that she was in the right.

Thalia scowled some more before she gave in to her friend. She was, after all, the only other person who knew what she was going through.

' Something happened alright. A big mistake, and apparently it was _all my fault'_ she told her, eyes lit with of violent light and mouth pursed in a tight line.

Leliana frowned. She hadn't been expecting good news, exactly, but this seemed to be on a whole new level of bad.

Noticing her distress, the mage sighed.

' I'm sorry Leli, I know you mean well, but this isn't really the right time. I'll talk to you about it when I'll feel better...'

Leliana gave one last dubious look, but ultimately let her off the hook. It was better not to pressure her, if not just to avoid her never hearing about it.

The sound of clogs distracted Thalia from her conversation with her friend, and she turned around to greet her mare. She was anxious to get going, to finally leave Skyhold even for a little bit, but she literally froze in place when she caught sight of who was leading her horse to her.

Cullen walked with his head held high, the reins of her mare in hand, and was fast approaching.

No way she could get out of this one.

No way _he_ could get out of this one!

‘Well, it looks like our Commander is not as tired as we thought’ she heard Leliana say next to her, a singing note in her tone.

Yes, apparently, dumping the fault of what had happened entirely on her head, made him feel better about himself. What joy.

Thalia felt her jaw tightened the more he got closer, so that when he came to a stop in front of her, her teeth were gritting against each other with a head splitting sound.

‘Ah Cullen! I’m relieved to see you! I thought you wouldn’t make it!’ Josephine cheerfully greeted her fellow adviser as she neared them, followed by everyone else.

‘Yes, I’m sorry I’m late’ he said, giving her a somewhat sorry glance. ‘I was on my way down when one of the scouts barged in with a report I was waiting for’ he explained, that apologetic tone still there.

It pissed Thalia off incredibly.

He was an hypocrite.

How could he act so bashful in front of them all, when just hours earlier he had been so ready to shame her without regard?

How infuriating.

 

‘What was is it about? Samson?’ Iazell butt in, ready to gain whatever bit of information he could before he head out.

‘No, Inquisitor. It’s about the Darkspawns sightings on the Coast we talked about. Our men managed to find the areas where they came out from the Deep Roads. It seems there are tunnels that run dangerously close to the surface. We may want to deal with that as soon as we can, if not to avoid panic spreading through Ferelden, at least.’

The Inquisitor seemed to reason the problem through before he spoke again.

‘We certainly need to take care of that…can you send some of our men to deal with it? Maybe a team with a couple mages and heavy hitters, to be on the safe side’ he proposed, and Thalia found herself admiring his decisional skills once more.

Well, those weren’t the only thing she was admiring, in all honesty, but-

‘Actually, I was hoping we could take advantage of Lady Thalia’s skills. We could send Blackwell and a couple other Wardens with her, there’s no one better fit for this’ Cullen blurted out, provoking Thalia to pop out of her quiet seething and into a more open raging.

‘I’m right here _Commander_. If you want to _take advantage_ of my _skills_ , then you can ask it to my face.’

' I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-' Cullen stuttered through his apology. Too bad she didn't believe a word of what he said anymore.

' Whatever' she scoffed, and moved to take her mare reins from him. At this point, having his hands on anything that was hers, made her uneasy.

Iazell regarded her with an inquisitive look, then looked over to Cullen who was pointedly avoiding everyone's eyes while massaging the back of his neck. That was his telltale sign of being uncomfortable, meaning an issue was subtly being addressed between the two.

Regardless, Cullen suggestion had a fair point. Thalia's ability were better suited to take over the task.

'The Commander has a point, Thalia. Go take care of those Darkspawns, bring whoever you deem necessary. We'll rain check after you're done' the Inquisitor ordered, and for how much she wanted to disagree just because Cullen had been the one to come forward with the idea, she knew the Inquisitor was right.

She sighed.

'Very well your Worship. I'll send word when we are done' she replied, bowing her head.

'Good. Now, off we go. Good luck!'

They watched as the Inquisitor's party took its leave and mounted out of Skyhold, and Thalia's scowl was back in place before they even passed through the gates.

'If you'll excuse me, I have a dwarf to recruit' she deadpanned, tugging gently on the reins to spun the horse to move.

She walked back to the stables, grumbling obscenities the whole way there.

She quickly handed back the mare to Dennet, bringing him up to date for her incoming departure, and then headed back for the keep, sneaking in from the kitchens to avoid both Leliana and Cullen who were still talking in front of the gates.

 

When Thalia was out of sight, Leliana turned back to Cullen, and her smile dropped frightening speed. Startled by such a sudden change of mood, the Commander took a step back, his hand falling to his sword as a reflex; his body had probably already elaborated the threat and was waiting for the brain to catch up.

But the Spymaster did not move nor speak, she just limited herself to staring him down to the bone, sending a chill down his spine. Just being stared at with such piercing gaze was starting to really  make him scared. Now he fully understood why her people never disobeyed, or why so little dared to oppose her path...

_Maker's breath, you are the Commander of the inquisition, stop squirming already!_ He tried to tell himself, but his hand only clenched the sword's pommel harder.

Finally, Leliana seemed to break out of whatever deep corner of her mind she had wandered in, and decided to speak.

Not that he actually felt _relieved_...

' I'm going to tell you this because you are my friend Cullen, but I will only say it once' she paused, waiting for him to catch up.

He nodded.

' Thalia's gone through a lot in the last ten years, and because you don't know what happened to her, you don't get to judge her life choices. Right now she needs stability, and you are not helping. She came to the Inquisition to help us as much as herself, I won't let you ruin her rehabilitation. I know you have issues with her that are hard to work through, but I hope you can get past them, for the sake of us all' she told him, her voice leveled and disturbingly calm.

He was about to protest that she hadn't been the only one to go through some rough shit in those ten years, but the woman raised a hand to shut him up.

'I know what you are about to say. And I know you are right in your own. The Maker has been hard on you Cullen, but you more than anyone here know how difficult it is to get better without someone to rely on. You can be that someone for her... - she paused, a smirk tugging at her lips now - if she forgives you for your latest stunt, that is' she finished, turning on her heels, leaving him behind, stunned and in the process of metabolizing her words.

'Andraste forgive me, because she's never going to...' Cullen sighed to himself.

He was an idiot.

He knew he was going to hurt her and himself in the process, but denying his feelings for her was doing more harm than letting her back into his heart...

 

The Storm Coast was, true to its name, very... _stormy_.

She pointed it out to her companions, eliciting a hearty laugh from Varric and a chuckle from Solas.

‘You have to hand it to the Ferelden, Angel, they do like their names to be literal’ the dwarf stated, matter-of-factly, shaking his head at her.

Thalia ignored the nickname she had apparently earned after their game of Wicked Grace, during which her ability to always produce the Angel of Death at the most convenient of times, had highly impressed the storyteller. Hence inspiring him to finally count her in his exclusive book of poorly chosen titles.

‘Look at the bright side ma’am, at least it’s not the Black Marsh!’ one of the two Wardens that was accompanying them said with a laugh.

Thalia had been surprised to find out that Marcus – that was his name – had served in Amaranthine for some time. She hadn’t recognized him, but then he’d told her that he had been there in the months just before her disappearance, and Thalia had understood why. That period had been particularly dark for her, and she rarely left her rooms in the first place.

‘Andraste preserve me! I never want to see that dreadful place again!’ she shudder at the memory of the time she had been forced to spend there, searching for a missing Brother.

‘I remember Blondie telling me something about it, it sounded awful’ Varric added.

Contrary of what she would have believed some months earlier, hearing Varric talking about Anders did not cause her as much pain as she would have expected. Instead, remembering him brought back a fondness she had missed.

‘Oh he complained about it endlessly, let me tell you. But never as much as when we were in Deep Roads!’ she chuckle as a particular memory resurfaced.

It was the sixth or seventh day out in the Marsh, by that point they had all been tired and miserably dirty, they had been fighting so many wolfs and the likes to have lost count of both kills and injuries and were ready to head back to Amaranthine. In the haste of escaping the nightmarish place they were in, Anders had been pestering them to get a move on, walking backwards and not paying attention to his footing. Thalia had noticed the slope before everyone else had, but she didn’t manage to warn Anders in time, and the mage went rolling down the fortunately-not-so-steep-and-high slope and ended up face down in mud.

It had taken them almost thirty minutes to stop laughing.

‘Can’t blame the man, the Deep Roads are nug shit. It’s been years since the last time I went down there, and let me tell you, I’m not eager to go back’ the other Warden piped in, bringing her back from her memory.

Sir Daron was a senior member of the order – probably a decade or something older than she was – and had served for years in Orlais. He was a more seasoned warrior than Marcus, but they had been working side by side for quite some time and Thalia had taken a shine on the two men, hence their presence there.

‘You’re such an old man Daron, that’s why you can’t handle the Roads anymore’ Marcus snickered at his partner’s expenses, receiving an annoyed grunt in return, which only made him laugh more.

‘I’m sure there are worse places to be trapped in’ Solas pointed out, prompting all of them to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

‘Were you not stuck in the Fade without any means to come back? At least there’s always an exit from the Deep Roads’ he explained, once he noticed their skeptic looks.

Marcus and Daron exchanged a meaningful glance, both having been present at Adamant to witness the whole ordeal, while Thalia seemed to seriously weight the two options.

‘I’m with Chuckles on this.’

‘Mmmh, I don’t know…ending up possessed doesn’t sound as bad as being turned in a Broodmother’ she said, shivering at the mental image of both the creatures she had encountered before.

‘Saw a Mother once, had nightmares for a month’ Sir Daron admitted, somehow conceding her point.

The discussion went on for some more time between the party, with stories behind shared and theories being made up, until they finally reached the first Inquisition camp right above the shore.

One of the scouts ran to meet them at the edges of camp, bowing with a fist on his heart, as per usual.

‘It’s good to see you Warden-Commander, Sister Nightingale sent word of your arrival’ the young elven man greeted them, and Thalia pretended not to hear her title.

She had no idea why they kept addressing her as such, but if it made things easier, she guessed she could go along with it.

‘We have tents already set up for you and a meal is being prepared’ the scout went on as he escorted them towards the middle of the clearing where several tents were place around a fire that burned despite the rain.

‘What can you tell me about the Darkspawns?’ she inquired.

The young man pointed to a table visible from under one of the tents.

‘We have marked the spots where the tunnels have collapsed, but we have received word from the Blades of Hessarian that Hurlocks and Ghouls have been spotted all over. Nothing major, only scattered groups. If you can deal with closing the tunnels, the rest won’t take much to dispatch’ he explained, guiding her towards said table.

Thalia remembered the Blades of Hessarian being a mercenary group that had taken residence on the Storm Coast and had aligned itself with the Inquisition after Trevelyan had killed their leader.

‘I see. Then I wager it won’t take long to take care of it. No more than a day or two if we are set back.’

‘I agree. Here’ the scout directed her attention to the map where four red marks stood out. ‘One breach is here, right below us to the east. The other two are a bit further inside; one is here along the northern coast, one in a cave here and the last one is there, at the beginning of the river next to the Lyrium Falls’ he pointed out each location to her, giving her the time to at least work out the layout of the area.

‘Thank you for the debriefing. We will see to the nearest one first thing in the morning, then we will restock here if necessary and head out to the remaining three. Will the Blades be able to provide us with potions in case we should need them? It certainly will be quicker to pass through them instead of detouring to the nearest Inquisition camp…’ she wondered out loud as she worked the details out.

The elven scout nodded.

‘As you wish Warden-Commander. I’ll make sure the Blades know of the possibility of you coming through them to avoid problems. I’m sure they won’t object to aid you, but we can never be too careful’ he said, already moving to search for ink and parchment.

‘Good job. We’ll rendezvous before heading out.’

The scout bowed and dismissed himself, leaving her alone in the tent.

‘Now, let’s see if I can get something to eat. I’m starving’ she mumbled to herself, dubbing under the flap and heading back towards the fire, where everyone else was already enjoying their meal.


	17. How many darkspawns does it take to restock a fire?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ ME!  
> For a chapter that is going to contain so many serious information, it has a rather silly title, doesn’t it? Yes, yes it does.  
> By the way, I have a proposition for you guys: whoever can find a punch line for this joke that’ll make me laugh, gets the chance to send a prompt my way! Whether it is set in this particular uni-verse of Undercover or not, I’ll gladly do that!  
> What do you say?  
> I thought it could be a nice idea, something to bond with you guys that always keep me going! This is probably the first time a story has grown so much on me, and the first time I actually feel moti-vated to go on until it’s finished. So thank you guys, so, so, so, much for being here!  
> And may the best win!  
> .  
> .  
> .

‘The Waking Sea. Somewhere beyond all this water is Kirkwall…’ Varric mused, stopping for a moment to admire the ever restless sea.

Solas came up next to him and he, too, let his stare wander off in the distance.

‘Are you homesick, Master Tethras?’ he inquired with that calm and composed voice of his that was so in contrast with the violent motion of the waves in front of him.

‘Maybe a bit. Kirkwall might be a shithole, but it’s my home. And it’s warm’ he pointedly added as a particularly cold gush of wind came over them.

‘You should try covering your chest, Varric. You’re not _that_ young anymore!’ Thalia teased as she passed them, Marcus and Daron on tow.

‘You wound me!  I would never deprive the world of this masterpiece!’ he crooned, dramatically turning around to join the three of them.

Solas quietly chuckled, following him.

They walked towards where the pebbly beach dived into the sea, and the entrance to the cave was exactly where Scout Heinlein had said it would be. 

The stone carved door was rather small and nothing could be seen on the inside.

‘Now, that is rather _ominous_ …’ Varric voiced everyone’s thoughts as he noticed the human skeleton laying on one side, almost completely covered in spider webs.

‘Maker, not the giant spiders, everything but the spiders’ Sir Daron groaned, acknowledging the eerie atmosphere.

‘Afraid of some spiders, good Sir?’ Marcus teased him, shoving him with his shoulder.

‘Better spiders than nugs’ he replied, successfully shutting the boy up, who was now in the process of blushing a real bright shade of red.

‘Nugs? Really?’ Varric was barely holding his laughter back.

‘It happened _one time_! They caught me by surprise, alright? And they are weird, with no fur and that pink skin, always squeaking around every dark corner…’ Marcus trailed off, grumbling to himself and pointedly looking at the ground.

‘Piece of advice: don’t ever say that while in Skyhold. Our Spymaster has a particular soft spot for nugs, and she will know of your dislike for them’ the dwarf warned the poor Warden, who gave him a startled look and paled slightly at the prospect.

‘Stop terrorizing the poor man, Varric. We need him sane for this’ Thalia interrupted, a smirk painted on her lips as she pointed at the entrance of the creepy cave.

Their banter slowly died as they made their way inside. Solas lit the torches with a flicker of his wrist, but they heard the skittering sound of the spiders before they even got to see them.

‘Fuckin’ spiders’ she heard Sir Daron grumble before he rushed forward, sword in hand and shield up, and bashed the giant spider backwards.

‘They are indeed as ugly as I remembered them’ she agreed, thumping her staff on the ground and releasing a chain of lighting. The spell lit the cave with its purpleish light, and jumped from one spider to another, inflicting damage to all three of them.

In the mean time, everyone else had joined the fighting; Solas had thrown up a barrier around them, while Varric was firing away with Bianca – maybe enjoying it all a bit too much – and Marcus had run to join his partner in the fray.

When the three spiders had been dispatched, a hissing sound, all too familiar to be mistaken for something else, caught her attention.

‘We have company, heads up!’ she shouted over the commotion of the fight, but both Wardens were ahead of her, having already felt the presence of the Hurlock.

Thalia switched weapon, securing her staff on her back and unsheathing Spellweaver. The sword came to life, flooding the cave in its blue light as its owner rushed forward in the fray.

The Warden-Commander swiftly assessed the situation: the cave offered little space for maneuvering out of the way of more heavy attacks, but if they managed to get rid of the Hurlock and Ghouls before they directly engaged the Alpha, then they could eliminate the disadvantage.

‘Varric, Solas! Keep the Alpha distracted as long as you can while we take care of these guys, but don’t let it get too close to you!’ Thalia yelled over her shoulder to her companions. She saw them nod and then she was back in the action.

Her technique was a bit rusty and weird, she knew, but it worked. She had no physical shield to defend herself with or deflect, but her magic served her well regardless.

As Daron stunned a ghoul with a hit of his shield, she quickly closed in and, with a twirl of her sword, severed its head off.

It was a bit messy, but being a Warden meant that she could get soaked in their blood without batting an eyelid. And right now blood what was she was seeking more than anything.

She felt the adrenaline kick in as she moved to slash at a Hurlock, staggering it, the ghoul’s blood dripping down her face. She grinned. Then went in for the kill, piercing the darkspawn’s neck point first. When she pulled out, another shower of blood hit her.

Her grin only grew larger.

When she turned around, she noticed with great satisfaction that the Alpha was the only one left standing, twirling his gigantic war hummer around, smashing it on the ground without a real scheme of attack.

These creatures were dumb. And without an Archdemon to guide them, they were even dumber.

The Architect and his followers had been an exception, but that had been it.

Thalia summoned a shimmering shield around herself just to be on the safe side, and motioned for the other two warriors to follow her lead. She fadestepped, taking a risk in the narrow space, and reappeared right behind the Alpha. She raised Spellweaver over her head, and with a clear slash in the air, she brought the sword down, almost completely severing one of its arms.

Uh. Varric’s and Solas’ attacks had probably worn it down more than she had expected.

The bulking creature let go of a scream so loud Thalia had to step back to regain her balance as a blast of air shot out of the monster.

‘I think you made him angry, Angel!’ she heard Varric yell over the ruckus.

‘Whoops!’

Thalia laughed as the giant Hurlock trashed about in the hope of hitting something with his hammer in his blind fury, but with one arm out of the equation, it was more like a giant child handling something to heavy and being unable to stand straight.

‘I’m calling dibs on the kill if no one doeas anything in the next ten seconds!’ she called out with a chuckle, reading herself to plunge Spellweaver right in the middle of the Alpha’s chest.

Before she could move into it, though, a sweep of cold engulfed the darkspawn, freezing it in place. She promptly turned around to see a smug little grin pulling at Solas’ lips as the mage readied himself for the next spell. He clapped his hands together and a lightning bolt erupted from inside the Hurlock Alpha, shattering it’s frozen body into a million little pieces.

Silence felt over the whole cave as the echo of the thunder slowly died between its stone walls, and then Thalia let go of another little laugh, breaking whatever tension was about to raise.

‘That was sneaky of you Solas!’ she jokingly accused her fellow mage, pointing at him with her sword.

‘I believe the ten seconds weren’t over yet’ he simply replied, the smirk still in place.

His calm rebuke had all of them dubbing over with laughter.

‘Point taken’ she replied, sheathing Spellweaver once more. ‘Now, let’s take care of this hole here’

As she walked over to where the tunnel’s walls had been breached, she heard Varric sneaker behind her.

‘How do you manage to make everything you say sound so _dirty_?’ he asked, almost astonished by her natural talent at double meanings.

‘Dunno. Years of training maybe?’ she said as she focused her magic on a boulder that was sitting at the foot of the hole. She lifted the rock up, and slowly guided it to seal the entrance to the tunnel.

‘Ok, one down. Three more to go’ she declared once she was satisfied with her work.

 

One the way out they took care of another couple of spiders and one deep stalker, and then made their way back to camp.

Thalia made sure they were all okay, checking on Solas and Varric in particular to see if they had sustained any kind of injury that could be infected with darkspawn blood. Once she was satisfied and a hundred percent sure they were fine, she went to scout Heinlein. He informed her that the Blades of Hessarian had offered to help the Hero of Ferelden in whatever way possible – at which Thalia just _had_ to scowl a bit – and were ready to assist her if needed.

They exchanged a couple more words, then Thalia pocketed the map he had offered with all the sights marked on it, and motioned the rest of the party to move out.

The track to the second breach was quite enjoyable; the rain had stopped pouring down in buckets and was now only a light drizzled, just enough to maintain the impossibly high level of humidity that permeated the air.

They made fast work in the second cave – which Varric had quickly elected the creepiest so far – and dealt with the Darkspawns relatively quickly as they too battled against both spiders and deep stalkers.

Thalia got a minor cut on her right arm when a spider knocked her down, but all in all they got out pretty much unscathed.

The third breach was by the beach, which meant no more caves, thank the Maker.

When they arrived on site, a group of people was already battling against the Darkspawns – the Blades of Hessarian, as Varric told her.

With their help, they managed to cut the blighted creatures down pretty quickly. They were almost done with the Alpha too, when a bear decided to pay a visit.

Spiders and deep stalkers she could deal with, but bears?

Bears were right at the top of the list of things she loathed. Right next to rabid wolves.

Altogether they made good work of the beast and remaining Hurlock, and soon enough Thalia managed to seal the breach in the stone with another boulder.

‘Good work everyone. Now there’s only one left, but I suggest we take a break at the near camp to rest and eat before heading there. Also, I’m starving’ Thalia suggested, grinning when her stomach made itself known.

No one seemed to disagree with her decision, so the group moved out towards the camp uphill.

There, they all sat around the fire, eating and drinking to their hearts content.

Thalia felt herself pretty famished, something that hadn’t happened in a really long time. Yes, Gray Wardens were known for their greater appetite and stamina, but in the last years she had lost the first.

Now she found herself eating away at the stew she was served, and yearning more.

Actually, she kind of had a craving for those Orlesian frilly cakes that Leliana always liked…

What an odd thing.

But, in the end, Thalia did not pay much attention to it, faulting, instead, her as of late scurrying around as the source of her renewed appetite.

An hour or so later, when they all felt rested enough, she gave the order to move out.

‘How long will it take to get to the Lyrium falls from here?’ she asked out loud to no one in specific.

‘If I remember correctly, about an hour. That is, if we do not encounter more bears’ Solas helpfully replied, though the last part made her grimace.

She hoped she could avoid any more bears.

 

Her hopes shattered soon enough for they did not encounter _just_ one bear, but by the time they had gone all the way upriver, she was pretty sure they had exterminated half of the bears in the region.

At least she could be happy about that.

As they neared the entrance to yet another cave – though this was definitely bigger and provided more space to fight properly – they could clearly hear the sounds of battle and the shrieks of more spiders.

‘I don’t know what’s worse, bears or spiders…’ Daron groaned – he was groaner, at this point it was clear – as he braced himself for the imminent fight.

‘Bears. Definitely bears. A hundred times bears.’ Thalia deadpanned as she, too, took hold of her staff and prepared to cast her spell.

‘Heads up, storm coming up!’ she called out to her party as she started to agitate her staff in the air. A thick mantle of gray clouds started to accumulate on the roof of the cave, and soon enough, the rumble of thunders was followed by a shower of lightning bolts shooting down on everything.

In the mean time, Solas had promptly raised a barrier on the warriors that would have inevitably been caught in the spell.

‘Nice one!’ she heard Varric shout from somewhere in her vicinity, and she smiled smugly.

The old tricks were the best.

But as she worked to keep the spell in check and avoid having it dying too soon, she failed to notice the Alpha flanking her. Thalia caught side of its bulking mass too late.

The Hurlock Alpha smashed into her with an astonishing amount of brute force, sending her flying against the hard stone of the cave.

She hit the wall with a huff as the air was knocked out of her lungs in one swift motion, and then slid on the ground.

The storm, without her focus, died quickly.

Sir Daron was the first to notice she was down, and as he hurried to finish off a ghoul, shouted to the others to help her.

Solas fadestepped to her with one fluid movement, and was quick to grab her and pull her out of the line of danger with another fadestep.

‘Is she ok?’ Varric asked as he released a bolt through a Hurlock’s eye. ‘I don’t want to face Leliana’s wrath if she’s hurt! Or Curly’s!’ he added, shooting another bolt just to make sure.

Thalia was a bit dazed thanks to the impact with the stone, but was ultimately fine. She tried to let go of Solas’ arm and stand on her own, but the mage prevented her from doing so.

‘I’m fine!’ she groaned.

Not a second passed before a sharp pain made itself known in her ribcage.

‘Ok- maybe not so fine’ she hissed, suddenly unable to sustain the pain that was washing all over her in hot and cold waves. ‘I think I need to lay down…’ she murmured, her eyesight going blurry.

She gripped Solas’ robes, and for a second she saw Daron and Marcus take down the Alpha, then she passed out.

 

When she came to, she could still smell the moss that covered the stone of the cave, which meant she couldn’t have been out for too long.

‘Ah, she’s awake’ a deep baritone voice announced, a lightness in its tone that was surprising.

‘Thank the Maker you’re alright, Commander’ another male voice said; this one was more acute but still soft, relief strong in it.

‘I wouldn’t exactly say _ok_ ’ she croaked as she tried to give a name and a face to both voices.

‘Hey, at least you’re still standing, Angel. Urgh- metaphorically speaking’ one more – gruff – voice said, and the nickname ringed a bell in her head. Well, another bell. Several were already playing a very loud symphony.

‘How are you feeling? Do you think you can sit?’ this voice was calm and soothing, and in her mind it reminded her of Wynne.

‘Dunno. Work your magic on me and then I’ll tell you’ she whined, eyes still closed.

The “Wynne voice” sighed, but soon enough she felt the coolness of healing magic spreading on her chest.

‘Thanks’

The gruff voice chuckled.

‘I feel like I should be taking notes’

‘That’s rude, bad Morrigan’ Thalia scolded the voice. It was just like her to make fun of her when she was injured.

‘I think she has a concussion’ someone said.

‘That’s putting it mildly’ the rude voice laughed again.

‘Will she be okay? We should really return to camp, it’s not safe here’ the first voice suggested, earning some grunts of approval from the others.

Then the healing magic shifted from her chest towards her head, and the bells started to fade, one after the other, until they were all gone.

The pressure behind her eyes dissolved, and finally Thalia didn’t feel like throwing up the stew she had eaten some hours earlier.

‘Ah, so much better!’ she sighed, relieved.

The four voices waited patiently for her to come to her senses, and Thalia slowly opened her eyes.

Yup, that was the cave alright.

A figure then invaded her field of vision, and Thalia recognized Solas’ sharp features.

‘You should be able to sit, now’ he told her, a small smile on his lips, though his brows were knitted together in concern and…was that curiosity in his eyes?

With no small amount of fatigue – though her fellow mage gave her a hand – she managed to straighten her back and sit. Then she noticed the three other man crouched in front of her.

‘Hey guys’ she greeted them, a crooked smile tugging at her lips.

‘You know you just called me “Morrigan”, right?’ Varric asked, definitely too amused.

‘Did I?’ Thalia winced, but her crooked smile didn’t falter.

‘You totally did’

‘You were being rude, though’ she pointed out.

‘You got me there’

The group exchanged a laugh and, after having made sure she was fit to walk, took its leave from the last cave any of them would want to see for the foreseeable future.

 

They spent the night at the forward camp, where Thalia brought Scout Heinlein up to date about their expedition and the others got the chance to rest before having to take on the two days trip back to Skyhold.

When she joined them later at the fire, Varric was nowhere to be seen, while Daron and Marcus were sitting close on one side, talking to each other in hushed voices. She decided not to disturb them, and instead joined Solas, sitting down next to him.

‘Are you feeling better?’ he asked, putting a mark in his book before closing it and slightly turning towards her.

‘Much, thank you. Usually I’m able enough to heal myself, but with that concussion…’ she trailed off, slightly embarrassed for her poor figure.

Solas seemed held up in his thoughts for a while before he spoke again.

‘I don’t know much about the Gray Wardens’ abilities, but I seem to recall that you are supposed to _feel_ the Darkspawns, are you not?’

Thalia nodded grimly.

She suspected she knew where he was going with that. She had thought the same thing once she had had the chance to think straight again.

‘Then why didn’t you manage to avoid the attack?’ he asked, genuinely concerned for her.

Thalia honestly took her time to think about a possible reply.

‘Do you remember what I told you, back in Griffon’s keep?’ she told him instead, resting her head on her knees, looking into the fire as if it could give her the answer she was looking for.

Solas nodded.

‘Beside my depression, which was evident, there was something else wrong with me. There still is. It’s like a shadow, always following me, prodding at my back…I thought it was the Calling, but then we killed the Nightmare and the Wardens stopped hearing it…’ she trailed off.

‘But the presence you felt is still there?’

‘It...was…I think…’ she hesitated.

When exactly had she stopped feeling it?

It had begun a constant in the last years, so much that she barely noticed it anymore, but now…it was gone.

‘Is something wrong?’ he prodded her on, anxious to go to the bottom of the matter.

‘I think it’s gone. I- can’t feel it anymore…’

She was dumbfounded to realize this. How could she have not noticed it? When had it stopped in the first place?

Solas noticed her deep distraught and tried to reassure her.

‘We shall see what we can do back in Skyhold. In the mean time, I think it’s best for you to go rest, we have a long journey to do in the morning’ the mage suggested, his voice soothing as usual.

Thalia gave him a weak smile, but did as he told her.

She stood up, nodded slightly to offer him good night, and disappeared in her tent.

 

The next morning, the Commander woke to find a report waiting for him on his desk.

Attached to it there was a note, and he immediately recognized Leliana’s handwriting.

 

_Received this last night._

_Varric sent it._

* * *

 

 

It was a report from the Coast, then.

A passing thought had him asking why Thalia hadn’t been the one sending it, but then he remembered that she probably hated his guts right now, there was no chance she’d _write_ to him.

He sighed and took the report.

 

_Curly,_

_Everything’s fine here. We managed to kick those Darkspawns back in the deep roads and our charming Warden-Commander made sure to seal the tunnels for good._

_Nothing major happened, beside from Thalia being knocked out by a Hurlock Alpha (don’t sweat it Nightingale, she’s fine. Though I’m still disturbed to have been called_ Morrigan _at some point) we are fine. We’ll set out tomorrow at first sun._

_A more detailed report will follow._

_Yours truly favorite dwarf,_

_Varric Tethras._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for cuttin it here, I meant to go on for a bit more, but I've literally written this all today and couldn't go any further!  
> I did give you a couple clues to what should happen next! Let me know if you have some theories!  
> Until next time!


	18. Nothing lays forgotten forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where I start making things up that do not exist in canon lore. So beware, we start to diverge from it and I start to play with certain things to have them apply to this particular sce-nario as I see fit. I’m sorry if some of you do not appreciate it, or find it too farfetched, but it was actually difficult to find any particular information regarding some of the topics.   
> So bear with me, I’ll try my best to make things work!
> 
> Before I forget: a HUGE thank you to FF.net user nekochan129 who was as excited as me about this chapter and read my almost endless blabbering ahaha Thank you again, your support and enthusiasm really helped!   
> .  
> .  
> .

The group rode back to Skyhold two days later the arrival of Varric’s report. Cullen climbed down the stairs to the main courtyard to meet them, and was soon joined by Leliana. Both shared the worry over Thalia’s wellbeing, but as the party came to a stop in front of the gate, they could see that, beside the tiredness of being on the road, they all seemed pretty fine.

Thalia was laughing at something Varric had said, but as she dismounted her mare, she took notice of the two of them and her smile quickly disappeared.

Her little trip around the Coast had helped to calm her nerves and make her reason with her head instead of her guts, but she surely had not forgiven Cullen for what had happened between them.

Steeling herself in the face of the imminent meeting, she took hold of the horse’s rains, and started to walk towards them.

Cullen immediately motioned for a stable hand to take care of the horses, and the boy quickly relieved Thalia of her mare as she neared them.

‘Cullen. Leliana’ she nodded her greetings, stopping in front of them.

‘Thalia. It’s good to see you in one piece’ Leliana said, smiling warmly at her. If they were alone, Thalia would have received a tight hug, but since they were out in the open, she settled for the smile.

‘Yeah, it wasn’t so bad really. Just a minor concussion and couple broken ribs. Nothing that a good session of healing magic can’t fix’ she said, a cheeky grin painted on her lips.

Grin that died when Cullen spoke, and she remembered he was still there.

‘Still, you should rest. It’s best to give time to the body to recover from the shock’ he pointed out, seemingly to be helpful, no doubt.

Thalia let go of a scoff, throwing a scornful glance his way.

‘I can take care of myself, thank you’ she scoffed, her arms crossed over her chest in self defense.

Cullen look flustered and about to apologize when Solas walked over and stopped next to Thalia. The apostate gave her a nod, and she responded with one of her own.

‘You’ll have your report, Commander. Now, I have important matters to attend to, if you’ll excuse me’ she concluded, dismissing herself.

Both Leliana and Cullen watched as the two mages took off towards the keep, each wandering what those _important matters_ were.

                                                                                           

Thalia and Solas had parted in the main hall with the promise to meet again once each of them had unpacked and washed.

She wasn’t as eager as he was to uncover what on earth was going on inside her, but she’d agreed with him that, whatever _it_ was, there was no point in delaying the search for an answer. If not only to make sure it wasn’t anything to worry about.

Now she was pacing in her room, waiting for him while her anxiety went up and down with every second that passed.

Finally, a knock resonated in the room and she rushed to open.

There stood her fellow mage, evidently fresh of a bath and wearing clean clothes, the weariness of the road all forgotten.

She stepped aside to grant him access and swiftly closed the door behind him once he was in.

‘Thank you for coming here’ she simply said, acknowledging his presence.

Solas shook his head.

‘It is of no notice, I assure you. I am, after all, about to search your body; it is only right for you to wish it’d be done in the privacy of your room’ he replied with such nonchalance that her anxiety abated a bit. He was trying to make her feel comfortable, and for that she was grateful as well.

‘Right. Shall we begin? The sooner we know what’s going on, the sooner I can put the matter to rest’ she prompted him, really, _really_ eager to get it done and be over with.

‘Please, lay down. It will be easier’ Solas directed her, motioning to the bed.

Thalia did as she was told, and for a second she felt as if she were back in the tower, when she was only an apprentice and needed to be guided to do even the most obvious of tasks.

Nonetheless, she took her place on the bed, laying down with her arms resting at her sides. Then she closed her eyes and waited to feel the cool prickle of Solas’ magic hovering over her skin.

As she kept her eyes closed shut, she heard him approach the bed, and soon the tingling of mana run through her spine.

‘I’ll start from your head, this way I will also make sure that you have sustained no added damage from the concussion’ he explained as he imposed his hands over her forehead.

Thalia just hummed in reply, her mind already flooded with the soothing touch of healing magic.

Several moments passed in complete silence, but ultimately Solas removed his hands from her head and sighed.

She risked opening one eye and stole a glance at his face; his seemed half dejected, half frustrated. She wagered he hadn’t found what he was looking for.

‘Nothing?’ she asked.

‘You’re head seems fine. I cannot detect anything out of the ordinary. I may be able to visit the fade and enter your dreams, if you’d allow me. Maybe that way I can look more thoroughly’ he explained, straightening his back and clasping his hands behind it. She had come to recognize this pose as an analytical one, it was the one he assumed when he wanted to be professional.

‘Why not’ she sighed ‘At this point I have nothing to hide.’

‘Very well’ Solas seemed satisfied by her acceptance.

‘Before I go, would you let me check if your ribs have mended correctly? My work in the field was a bit hasty’ he inquired, searching her face for any sign of discomfort.

Thalia sighed again, and literally sunk in the mattress.

‘If it’ll stop you from fussing over me further, than be my guest’ she acquiesced.

The healer moved once again to stand next to her, and once again his hands hovered over her. First, he checked her ribcage, making sure that the bones had mended in the right way if not completely, then he moved a bit down to check on her internal organs. It was a quick scan: her stomach, her belly…

Then Solas’ hands stalled, and the cooling touch of his magic disappeared.

Thalia watched in mild confusion as his face changed from the always composed expression, into confusion and embarrassment when realization donned him.

When he didn’t speak, she started to run her mind in circles.

What had he discovered?

Was she dying?

No, if she were dying, then he wouldn’t be embarrassed.

Then what?

‘Solas? You are starting to freak me out’ she called out, raising on her elbows to look in him the face.

The elf seemed to come back to his senses at the sound of his name, and coughed several times into his fisted hand to try and clear the blush that had spread from the point of his ears to his cheeks.

‘I apologise, I- it wasn’t my intention to pry’ he tried to articulate, his gaze momentarily averted from hers to regain his composure.

‘Pry? Pry on what? Solas you are not making any sense…’

Then he looked back into her eyes.

‘You are with child’

 

Leliana was half worried half confused when she found herself in Thalia’s room. That, by itself, wasn’t that strange a predicament, but the fact that she was there together with Solas and Morrigan garnered some preoccupation.

She had been summoned through one of the servants, who had told her that her friend was waiting for her urgently. Since Thalia had never been one to over-exaggerate problems, the Spymaster had been a bit on edge the whole way from the rookery to the guests’ wing of the hold, but now confusion had overpowered all other emotions.

Thalia was sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, eyes dark and mouth thinned in a tight line, while the air around Solas seemed a bit awkward.

Morrigan, on the other hand, was looking equally perplexed.  

‘Are you going to speak then? What _urgent matter_ required my presence?’ the witch inquired, her manners as brusque and abrasive as ever; though Leliana did not miss the strand of concern that colored her words.

‘Are you ok?’ the Spymaster asked a bit more tactfully.

It was clear something was wrong with her friend; her face was full of tension, and a dark shadow covered her eyes.

Thalia opened her mouth to speak, but immediately closed it.

Then she tried again, her thoughts rearranged.

‘You were there, ten years ago when we killed the Archdemon’ she began ‘and by now I’m sure you, too, know what it’s supposed to take to _actually_ eliminate its soul from this world’ she said, looking at Leliana.

The woman nodded.

‘A warden must give his or her life in order to succeed. But I didn’t. I killed it, and yet I’m still here. There could have been another way, a way out. Morrigan had offered it to me, but I failed to…fill in all the requirements’ she went on.

At the mention of this “way out”, Leliana glanced at Morrigan, who just shrugged.

Had that been the reason why she had left before the battle?

But Thalia did not elaborate further.

‘What you don’t know, Morrigan, is that I’d found more than one copy of your mother’s Grimoire in the Tower. The First Enchanter must have copied it in case the original ever went lost…’ she trailed off, not really able to meet the other mage’s eyes that she knew were boring into her skull.

‘Are you trying to say that you performed the ritual, instead?’ she asked, her voice leveled. It wasn’t an accusation, not yet.

Thalia only managed to nod.

‘I…slept with Alistair one last time that night. It was a sort of closure for both of us, a way to say goodbye I guess. But for how much I was trying to deny it consciously, I had slept with him in one desperate attempt to conceive a child. The chances of that happening between two persons that are tainted are slim to none, and, in fact, I held no hopes it had worked. When we went into the final battle, when I rushed to inflict the killing blow on that blighted beast, I…was ready to die. But I didn’t. Which meant that, somehow, I had managed to pull off the ritual. But then the months passed, and the pregnancy never came. At first, I wrecked my head looking for an answer, both in Flemeth’s Grimoire and in old Gray Wardens’ texts, but as time went by and the situation in Amaranthine grew desperate, one part of me forgot all about the ritual. Until today, that is.’

Leliana was sincerely at a loss for words.

Had she known her friend for real?

Why had she never confided all this to her?

Morrigan, on her part, was clinically tearing apart every little piece of her story, searching for the answer that had seemingly escaped the Warden for all those years.

When she found none, she urged her on.

‘Why? Why did you think about this today? Did something happen?’ she asked, almost urgently.

Thalia’s face twisted in a dark scowl and she averted her eyes once more.

It was Solas who spoke for her.

‘She…is with child’ he said.

A heavy silence filled the room, and no one seemed to dare break it first.

Thalia was still trying to come to terms with what Solas had discovered, and her conscience was tearing itself apart. A part of her wanted to get rid of what was growing inside her, the other wanted to cling to it in blind desperation.

‘Who’s the father?’ she heard Leliana ask in a hushed whisper.

Thalia raised her head and got a good look of her friend. The Leliana she knew was completely gone, in her place stood, instead, the calculative Spymaster who’s brain was endlessly working.

‘Solas says that the pregnancy it’s still in its earliest part, so that doesn’t leave too much space for doubt…’ she sighed, knowing very well that her friend wouldn’t like the answer she was about to receive.

‘So?’

‘It’s-‘ she hesitated a bit. Saying this out loud would make it real, and she didn’t know if she was ready for it. She risked another glance at Leliana, and the cold stare she found in her eyes made her tumble.

‘It’s Cullen’s’ she finally blurted out, avoiding everyone’s eyes as she felt the atmosphere shift in the room.

The silence now reeked of surprise, anger and confusion, and she almost felt sick.

‘You have to tell him’ Leliana firmly declared, at which Thalia’s head shot up so quickly she worried she had broken something.

‘No!’ Thalia vehement objection echoed in the room. She hadn’t intended to shout it out so laud, but the rational part of her could not let it happen.

Realizing her hasty reply had startled her friend, she quickly fumbled with her words to explain herself.

‘I can’t tell him. Not yet. I don’t even know if I want to keep it, there’s no point in making a fuss out of it… Think about how he would react knowing that the only reason he _has_ a child, it’s because I performed a seemingly failed ritual ten years ago! He’d think I used _blood magic_ or something, and it’ll all end up in shit…’ she said, her voice heavy with so many emotion that she, too, struggled to understand what she was actually feeling.

‘To be fairly honest, what you performed _is_ a blood magic ritual’ the witch pointed out, speaking for the first time since Solas had revealed the news.

‘Not helping, Morrigan’ Thalia groaned, passing her hands through her hair, tugging it back.

‘Oh _I’m sorry_. Wasn’t this supposed to be an open-hearted chat? And here I thought this was the right moment to reveal ten years old secrets!’ she snapped, raising her voice in ager.

Thalia open her mouth to reply, but Morrigan cut her off.

‘What I want to know now, is how the Archdemon’s soul has managed to survive inside you without killing you in the process. It should have been impossible.’

And that was something she could not help her with.

She had no idea if that presence she had felt over her shoulder for the past years had actually been Urthemiel’s or just a fragment of her paranoia, and she couldn’t know either if the baby had absorbed it or not.

Nonetheless, the presence was gone now…

‘I may help with that’ Solas replied for her.

He had been silent for the whole time, intently watching their exchange without intervening. It wasn’t his place to, but now he thought he had a possible solution to offer.

Morrigan moved her glare from her friend to him, urging him on without the need of words.

‘I obviously wasn’t present during your journey, but I’ve seen echoes of what happened in the fade. The spirits were very interested in those events, and I had the chance to see it too. A possibility might be that the Archdemon’s soul was absorbed into Thalia’s body and annulled, in some way, the taint. It is not the first time that a Warden is cured, and even though we are not clear on what happened to Grand Enchanter Fiona, it’s still a fact. I believe that this _exchange_ has permitted you to use a Warden’s abilities even without being tainted, but now that the ritual has finally gained its power, the soul has passed to its intended host, leaving you deprived of your skills. It also would explain why you hadn’t perceived the presence of the Alpha back on the Coast’ Solas explained diligently.

His theories were somewhat farfetched, she knew, but in a certain way they made sense.

During her researches she had come across more than one record of Wardens mysteriously cured from the taint, but no explanations was ever given regarding those events. They were simply labeled as rare, and those who had had the fortune – or misfortune – to be cured, had been expelled by the order before any kind of question could be asked .

She had always found it especially stupid on their part; hadn’t they considered the possibility of a cure? That way, being a Warden wouldn’t have to be associated with sacrifice any longer.

She sighed.

‘Andraste save me, if the baby truly has Urthemiel’s soul, I cannot keep it’ she murmured to herself. 

‘Why would you waste such opportunity? It’s incredibly stupid on your part!’ this time was the witch’s turn to vehemently oppose her words.

‘What would you suggest? That I give _my_ child to _you_?’ Thalia scoffed.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t _trust_ Morrigan, but if she was to give birth, then she’d raise the child on her own.

Morrigan scowled but did not argue further.

‘At any rate, I have to make a decision soon. The longer I wait the harder it’s going to be to get rid of it…’ she said, and even though her words were harsh, her tone was light and almost subdued, as if she already felt in pain at the prospect.

The idea of having a family of her own had never really crossed her mind before meeting Alistair. How could she have dreamt of having one when the Tower was all she had ever known? There were no families there, not in the traditional sense, anyway. And in all honesty she’d never liked the idea of having kids, even if hypothetically.

But then a young Warden with a cheesy smile had swept her off her feet, and the idea of spending the rest of her life with him hadn’t sounded so bad at all.

Obviously things had gone south pretty fast, and when she had to chose who to place on Ferelden’s throne, they choice had been painfully clear. He’s refusal for the crown had made him the perfect candidate, and with Anora at his side, she knew he could be the King Ferelden deserved.

And her actions had proved her right.

He was the perfect King, and she was proud of him.

Sometimes reality comes in the way of dreams, and compromises need to be accepted.

‘I still think you should tell him before you decide on anything’ Leliana insisted after having listened to what the elven apostate had to say.

She was no mage, and despite how many information she had, she could never thoroughly understand the repercussions of rituals and the like; but she had grasped the essentials from Solas’ speech, and she was convinced that, whatever the nature of the pregnancy, Cullen deserved to know.

Thalia was not.

‘And tell him what, Leli? That some hasty fuck against his office’s door that he had promptly labeled a mistake of which he faulted me for, has produced a child? And, oh, _by the way¸_ because I’ve performed a blood magic ritual ten years ago, our baby’s going to have the soul of one of the Old Gods! I hope you don’t mind!’ she shouted, frustration and sarcasm intertwined in her voice and overflowing.

Leliana was taken aback by her confession, but her mind was able to put together the clues she had collected; what Thalia had just said had been the cause of the renewed tension between her and Cullen.

She needed to have _another_ word with the Commander, apparently.

‘I see your point but-‘ she didn’t manage to say more as a knock on the door cut her off.

The door opened immediately after, even before Thalia could ask who it was, but when a young boy entered the room, she didn’t seem annoyed by his intrusion.

Connor had, as usual, barged in her room unannounced, and now he was awkwardly standing by the door looking at the three imposing presences in the room.

Room that was now definitely too crowded for her tastes.

‘What is it Connor? Can it wait, we are in the middle of something’ Thalia said, but her voice did not hold any trace of anger or annoyance towards his intrusion.

‘I- I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were occupied. I just wanted to give you this, – he said, walking over and handing her a letter – it’s from Uncle Teagan.’

Thalia took the piece of paper and noticed the tidy calligraphy of the man with a tiny smile.

‘Thank you Connor’ she said, indirectly dismissing the boy who, on cue, nodded his regards and left as quickly as he had arrived.

Curiosity sparked, Thalia rushed to open the letter and scanned its content rapidly.

‘What does it say?’ Leliana asked, curious as well.

She had known through her agents (and Varric) that, during her stay in Redcliff, Thalia had developed a pretty close relationship with the Arl, and was now very invested in knowing more.

The mage skimmed through the letter, and soon her smile started to fade away.

‘He…Teagan is coming to Skyhold.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand cut!   
> So, what do you think? We finlly moved forward with the plot, and, trust me, I'm glad.   
> I've been giving myself headaches thinking about how to make this work, and I still don't understand how I it happened ahahaha I had an epiphany and BOOM! New headcanon!   
> I hope it made sense tho .-.  
> Let me know! I'll await your feedback, as per usual! 
> 
> PS: I probably will take a pause now, I have a couple exams to prepare and they need to go well! Anyway, I won't abandon you guys! Just, don't expect another quick update!


	19. My head's underwater but I'm breathing fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Teagan is coming to visit. But is he gonna be all by himself?   
> I think not.   
> Enjoy the return of a character that we basically all love.   
> And I know, I’m going to deserve the pitchforks, so I’ll just shuffle over there, behind that conven-iently shaped Qunari….  
> .  
> .  
> .

News of Arl Teagan’s arrival had quickly spread to the other advisors, and Josephine had immediately gone in a frenzy trying to organize the whole keep for the man.

Thalia was pretty sure Teagan wouldn’t have minded a bit whether the Hold was as finely arranged as possible or in shambles, he would have been polite regardless and complimented the Ambassador for her fine work. He was that kind of man, after all.

Standing in the lower bailey, she found herself getting more and more nervous as the minutes stretched on. After leaving Redcliff, she had partially left behind whatever relationship there was between Teagan and herself. She liked him very much, he was a fine man, and maybe she would have been better off falling in love with him. Maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have ended up with her current predicament. She clutched the fabric of her shirt just over her belly, a grave sigh leaving her lips. Maker, the only thing she wanted to do was run back to her room and curl up under the fur blankets, maybe forget that the world existed, wish the bad away.

She scoffed to herself.

Since when she had gone back to act as if she was a scared little girl crying herself to sleep in the Tower’s dormitory?

This whole pregnancy problem was driving her crazy, but for the moment she had given her word to Leliana that she’d think about it properly.  She had insisted for her to tell Cullen about it before making any kind of decision about it; and even Morrigan, for how much she loathed agreeing with Leliana, was adamant she kept the baby. But the decision was ultimately hers, and the vial of spindleweed and blood lotus rested next to her bed.

A week had passed since the frightful day, but Thalia had done neither of the two things.  The vial was still there, full, and Cullen still in the dark.

Fortunately it was still early for any of the tell tale sign to show, hence the secret was still safe for the moment. But how long before they did? Once she’d start getting morning sickness, her pregnancy would be obvious.

The ruckus of horses approaching draw her from the swirl of her thoughts, and she raised her head just in time to see  two horses coming to a halt right in front of the main gate. Her eyes followed the two man as they dismounted, and she immediately found the smile gracing Teagan’s lips as their eyes met across the courtyard. Then, as she moved forward to greet her friend, she caught sight of the other man. Blond, messy hair, was the first thing that she noticed, then the lopsided grin, and air stuck in her lungs. Her first reaction was to pinch herself to check if this wasn’t another demon induced dream, but then a blinding happiness exploded in her chest, warming her all over. The smile returned to her features, and her feet guided her where they  were now standing, stretching they sore limbs after the long ride up.

Alistair noticed Thalia when she was already in front of him, and his expression went from grumpy to exited in a blink. His face beamed with joy as he took her in, smiling and looking healthy, and his hands itched with the need to touch her, to be sure she was really ok.

It was Teagan that moved first, stepping forward in her space, and drawing her to him. He hugged her tight, his face in the crook of her neck, then stepped out and cupped her face, planting a kiss on her lips.

Thalia was caught unprepared for this level of eagerness on Teagan’s part, and found herself responding to his kiss as if it was the most natural of things.

‘Hey’ he said once the kiss was over, hand still tangled in her air, a small smile lighting up his whole face.

Maker, why did have to be _so_ sweet!

‘Hey’ she whispered back, a smile mirrored on her lips, despite everything.

‘I’ve missed you’ he said, fingers trailing the side of her face, moving a strand of her behind her ear.

They were lost in the moment – both of them, despite what Thalia would have liked – and failed to notice Alistair awkwardly standing on the side, looking at everything but them.

‘Me too, but I think our Majesty is getting uncomfortable’ she grinned, taking a step back from Teagan, back in her personal space.

‘Ah yes, Alistair’ Teagan chuckled, as if only then remembering his presence. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mention him in my latter, but his presence wasn’t _expected_ at Redcliff. He just showed up, asking to come along. I suspect your Spymaster may have had a hand in it….’ He trailed off, straightening his pose and giving Alistair one of his stern looks. The King approached them with a sheepish smile on his face, but Thalia felt nothing if not happy to have him there.

In the months she had spent away, she had thought over many things, and her failed relationship with him had been one of those. Coming to closure was never easy, but now all she wanted was her friend back, because he had been firstly that than a lover. And she had missed their friendship a great deal.

‘You know, I hope you have a valid excuse ready, because our dear Ambassador is going to be _very_ upset for this’ she deadpanned, crossing her arms and feign offence in Josephine’s stead.

The shock that appeared on his features made it clear that he had failed to read through her charade, which only fueled her amusement. Had he forgotten her love for sarcasm an irony? She hoped not, since that was the thing that had brought them closer in the first place.

‘I uh…do you think I can get away with it if I blame Leliana?’ he asked, chuckling awkwardly. 

Thalia tried to keep a straight face for a moment, but failed miserably when it became painfully obvious that Alistair was already regretting his trip up there. She burst out in to laughter, attracting the attention of more than one passing person in the bailey.

‘It appears our dear Lady is having fun at your expenses, Alistair’ Teagan pointed out, definitely amused.

Alistair tried to scowl, but hearing her laugh the way she was doing was too beautiful to get even an itsy bit mad at her.

‘I’m sorry’ she said, still chuckling ‘but I do mean it, you better get ready to be showered with endless attentions! Josephine won’t leave you alone until she’s satisfied, you’re warned’ she warned him, a wide smile still painted on her full lips.

‘Ah well, I’ll sacrifice myself for the greater good!’ Alistair announced flamboyantly, opening his arms and making a resigned expression.

Thalia watched his little show for a second, then her mind pointed out how good it’d be to just sneak in between his arms and get hugged, and she found herself moving forward without a second thought. Two steps and she had buried herself in his arms, hugging him tightly around his chest, raveling in his heat and a smell that, despite the years, was unchanged and pointedly his.

After a split second of shock, in which he failed to understand the implications of the gesture, he swiftly reciprocated, closing his arms all around her in a tight hug.

‘I’ve missed you so much…’ he whispered with his head buried in her hair so that only she could hear it.

Thalia tightened her arms a bit but smiled in the crook of his neck.

‘I’ve missed you, too, Alistair. I’ve missed you too.’

 

Cullen watched from the battlements as Thalia retreated into the keep, followed closely by King Alistair and Arl Teagan. To see the level of intimacy shared between her and both men had been a shock, even though he should have anticipated it at least with Alistair. It was largely known to everyone that they had been an item, during the Blight, but he lacked further knowledge in the matter.

A sigh left his lips, and it had become something of a habit in the past days whenever Thalia was involved, be that directly or just as a passing thought. The latter had happened quite frequently. Maybe a bit too many times even for his likings. He had meant to apologize for the harsh words he had directed towards her after their… _endeavor_ , but she seemed to be actively avoiding him. Another thing he couldn’t really fault her for.

‘So many secrets to keep, should I tell him? Will he hate me for it? No, no I can’t. I have to make the decision for myself! So much doubt and hurt…’ a soft voice spoke right next to him.

Cullen barely flinched at the sudden apparition of Cole, already disturbingly used to the boy to preoccupy himself. His words, though, held some interest.

‘What was that about Cole?’ he inquired, hopeful that the Spirit would for once forgo his elusiveness.

‘She has not forgiven you yet. She will. In time’ was all that he offered before disappearing in to thin air again, as if he’d never been there to begin with.

Cullen sighed again.

He didn’t know what to think, which was not a novelty lately.

A scout came running soon after, and he could abandon his personal problems for a while.

 

 _You can have dinner in the Inquisitor’s room_ , Josephine had said, _he won’t mind_ , she had reassured them.

Then why it seemed such a terrible idea to her?

 _You will have the privacy and time to catch up_ , the Ambassador had specified.

Catch up. Alone. Just the three of them. Plus Connor, obviously.

This did not bode well.

Many things had changed since she’d left Redcliff, and the biggest change and problem laid hidden in her belly.

Thalia sighed and went though her entire wardrobe – which wasn’t that large to begin with – for the fifth time in twenty minutes.

‘Andraste, how did I end up in this situation…’ she whined at everything and nothing in particular, falling back into the chair she had brought over next to the bed.

She was feeling miserable, and if at first the idea of having Teagan around had seemed a pleasant one, his very public _display of affection_ had sunk that. Thalia liked him, she truly enjoyed his company and was grateful of how much he had done to help her, but perhaps he had read a bit too much into what their relationship had been.

Alistair’s presence, of course, did not make things easier. After her hasty escape from the Approach, she had never dared contact him again, though she knew that probably both Leliana and Teagan kept a somewhat regular correspondence with him. But he had never sought her out directly either.

So what was the meaning of his sudden appearance at Skyhold?

Josephine had been utterly surprised by the visit, which meant he wasn’t there on official business.

They had talked a bit during the day, especially when he’d offered to help her go through the routine with the Wardens, but those had merely been light small talks.

And now she was about to have dinner with them both.

The only thing that reassured her was that any unpleasant topic would not be brought up as long as the young mage was there, too.

‘You should wear this, they’ll like it’ a voice suddenly said, startling Thalia out of her thoughts and making her jump on her seat, mana already pooling on her fingertips.

She let go of a breath when she spotted Cole next to her bed, a dress in his hands. She smiled watching the boy observing the piece of clothing in his hands, testing the consistency of the fabric with his fingers.

‘What makes you say that?’ she inquired, curious of his choice.

‘The color makes your eyes stand out, and the cut flatters your figure. It also has the Fereldan heraldry embroidered in the corset’ he explained, putting it down on the bed, spread out over the other clothes.

Thalia joined him and took a look at the dress: it was a deep burgundy with a dark brown leather corset, a boat neckline and sleeves that cut on the elbows before falling down. It was very long, she remembered, and she had bought it on a whim on the road back to Skyhold.

A spark of confidence lit in her chest, and the prospect of dinner wasn’t that ugly anymore.

‘I helped’ Cole simply said with a satisfied and hopeful smile. He was always bashful, but his smiles could lit up a room, Thalia noted.

‘Yes, yes you did’ she answered, eyes still focused on the dress. But the boy was already gone and her words dispersed in the silence of her room.

 

 

Unexpectedly, dinner had gone magnificently. All four of them had talked, mainly catching up and sharing gossips and small talks, had laughed and overall had a good time. The food had been amazing, and Thalia had made a mental note to profusely thank Josephine and the cooks for their excellent job.

Now the evening had calmed down a bit, and the party had left the Inquisitor’s room for a more relaxed and casual setting. By Leliana’s suggestion, they moved on one of the towers’ roof, where they could enjoy a nice bottle of wine without being disturbed by passing scouts or the like. The Spymaster had joined them soon after, followed by a quite reluctant Morrigan. The new company prompted Connor and Teagan to take their leave, _so they could catch up without intrusion_ he had said, but not before the young mage had whined about leaving and being left out of all the interesting talks.

‘This feels nice. I can’t remember the last time I could relax!’ Alistair confessed, leaning back in his chair, a content sigh leaving his lips.

‘Oh yes, being King must certainly be _such_ a heavy job’ Morrigan scoffed from her post against the battlements. 

‘Shut it, you’d never survive a day at court to begin with’ he retorted, which prompted a hearty laugh from Leliana.

‘You’d be surprised! We did found her as Celine’s “occult advisor”, after all. She managed the Orlesians fairly well!’ the Spymaster  admitted, shooting an amused glance toward the now _former_ Witch of the Wilds.

The king shook his head, bemused.

‘I still can’t believe it. – he paused, then looked back up at Morrigan with mischief in his eyes – Was she wearing a frilly dress?’ he asked, a smirk pulling so hard on his lips it was hard not to join in his amusement.

‘Oh yes! It was so frilly! She looked lovely!’ Leliana chirped, definitely more than eager to talk about Morrigan fashion statements.

‘Yes, do speak of me as if I’m not hear, by all means!’ the mage hissed, taking a generous sip of her wine to ignore them as best as she could.

‘She’s just grumpy because the Inquisitor hasn’t found her another Eluvian yet’ Leliana teased, smirking over her own glass.

Morrigan harrumphed but offered no more words.

The four of them just stayed silent for a while, enjoying the sun setting over the mountains and the general sense of peace that settled between them.

Thalia was raveling in the peace and quiet, finally able to take a breath and have some peace of mind and reprise from all the chaos she’d been thrown in since the day she discovered her… _condition_.

Leliana immediately took notice of the switch in her atmosphere and her contrite expression; something was going on in her head and it was about to spoil her good mood.

‘Don’t go there Thalia, stay with us’ she gently nudged, attracting Alistair attention to her.

Morrigan already knew what was probably going on in her head, but Alistair had no idea whatsoever about the situation she was in and frowned when he, too, noticed her distant attitude.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, genuinely concerned for her.

Leliana bit the inside of her cheek, unsure of what to do. She knew she had no right to spill the bean to him, it wasn’t her place to and Thalia would hardly forgive her for the transgression, but maybe she could light up his interest a bit more so to make her open up. It would do her good to talk to Alistair, put things back together and get closure; she couldn’t hope to move on if she didn’t.

‘I think you two should talk alone.  – she began, only to falter for a moment when Thalia pierced her with such an intense glare, almost begging her no to do it. – You need this Lia, you need one more friend in this. You need _him_ ’ she insisted.

When Thalia made no further attempt to stop her, Leliana dismissed herself, dragging Morrigan away with her.

For a long time after the two women had left, she just sat without saying a thing, almost refusing to open her mouth in fear of revealing every single thing down to the moment she left him in Denerim ten years prior until that very moment.

Alistair rose from his chair and went to sit down next to her on the ground, scooting closer until their sides touched. He faced forward, leaving her at least the choice to avoid his eyes.

‘Hey, I’m here, talk to me. We tell each other everything, remember? You and me, alone in the storm but never sinking’ he recited in a small voice, trying to remind her of the promise they had made to each other during the Blight.

Thalia smiled sadly as the memory came back to her mind. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then…and maybe it had. Maybe they had changed, maybe they never would be as they were, but deep down she knew she could count on him.

‘…I’m with child.’

They stayed on that tower until the sun had long disappeared down the mountains and the air had become increasingly cold. There, as she had feared, she literally spilled her guts out to him, telling him every single thing that had happened, starting with Morrigan’s failed ritual and what it entailed now. She told of Cullen, their past and their reunion; she talked about Anders and the events that had unfold in Amaranthine, of her dwelling in the prohibited arts and her break down and all that had happened past that point. In exchange, though thoroughly shocked by her confession, he told her about his life as King and his relationship with Anora. Despite the forced marriage, they had become somewhat friends. They had tried to move it further, but neither could develop deeper feelings for each other (but yes, they had tried and failed to produce an heir on several occasions).

Thalia felt somewhat relieved at the admission, almost aware of a small part of her guilt washing away from her conscience.

When both of them had finished their stories, the moon was high in the sky and they had huddled together to fight off the cold, so Thalia was now seated in Alistair’s lap, engulfed by his arms, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

‘Are you gonna tell him? Cullen I mean’ Alistair cautiously questioned.

Thalia sighed a scrolled her shoulders.

‘I don’t know. I fear he will hate me even more if I tell him the truth, but if I decide to keep the babe then I’d have to tell him…’ she reasoned out loud.

‘And do you want to keep it? If you… _get rid of it_ , the taint might come back…’ he argued, sensing her indecision.

‘In a sense I’m scared of not being a Gray Warden anymore…sure, I may have left my role as Warden-Commander, but being part of the order has given a sense to my life, has given me you…I don’t want to lose that too.’

Alistair tightened his arms around her form and hugged her closer, his breath catching in his throat. Why was this woman torturing him so?

‘Lia, you should take all the chances at life that are given to you. You can still do much for the Wordens, investigate this ritual, look for a cure for the taint. I will give you a royal sanction if necessary, I don’t care. Taint or not, you will always belong with the Wardens.’

Thalia physically felt pain and anxiety leave her body, and she sagged further in his embrace.

‘Do you remember the promise that we made? That no matter what life would throw at us, we’d leave for the Deep Roads together?’ she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

He nodded.

‘I want you to know that, no matter what’s going to happen, taint or not, nothing is going to keep me from fulfilling that promise. I swear.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned a bit sappier than I predicted .-.
> 
> Got ideas, prompts, questions, want to hear about upcoming updates, see my related art, or comment privately? Come check me out at http://fallingt-writinblog.tumblr.com


	20. Make It or Break It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20, another milestone. I’m so proud of this story and the community behind it that has been supporting it and me! Thanks to every single one of you, I mean it.  
> Also, I have a picture spoiler for you! You'll probably be able to read something here and there but nothing much, I promise! Anyway, the big new is that I've outlined the end of this story. Yup.  
> 5 more chapters, ladies and gentleman, and we'll have to say goodbye!

The Inquisitor party arrived back in Skyhold three days later her heartfelt conversation with Alistair. In that time, Thalia had gone back to work side by side with Cullen, still ignoring the man but acknowledging the Commander instead. And his office was where Iazell found them both upon his return.

The door leading to the Rotunda sprang open, revealing an over eager Inquisitor brandishing a stack of paper and weaving them enthusiastically towards the Commander.

‘We got him, Cullen!’ he exclaimed, planting the papers on his desk, eagerly waiting for the Commander the catch up with him.

Cullen skimmed through the pages, his face shifting quickly through emotions as he registered whichever information was written in them.

‘…the mines are located near the town of Sharnia, in the Emprise du Lion…’ he trailed off his reading, his eyes leaving the parchment to find Iazell’s.

‘Yes, and we already have people there. I sent word to start clean out the mines and send back every piece of information they can find. This time I have no doubt we’ll find where he’s hiding’ the Inquisitor concluded, sounding decisively sure of their success.

‘I can’t believe it, we’re so close…’ Cullen breathed out, setting the papers down on his desk.

‘Yes. And while we wait for the information we need, our people are landing the final blow on his operation’ Iazell finished with a touch of pride and satisfaction coloring his voice.

‘I assume you are talking about Samson and his red lyrium, correct?’ Thalia asked from her side of the desk, having been completely ignored by either men in their fervor for the discovery. The Inquisitor, to his credit, did not flinch at the sudden intrusion, and instead turned towards her with a smile and offered her a nod of recognition.

‘You are correct indeed. The smugglers we took out in the Graves pointed us towards Sharnia, and once the mines are out of the picture, Samson won’t have any more red lyrium at his disposal’ he confirmed.

‘That is good news, Inquisitor’ Thalia acknowledged with a smile. They need to take their victories wherever they could find them.

‘I understand your trip to the Storm Coast went smoothly as well?’ he then inquired, leaning on Cullen’s desk, not noticing the man stiffen under his armor.

‘All accesses to the surface have been sealed, yes. There might be some strugglers still around, but nothing to be concerned about’ she reported, though she suspected he had already read the full report that had been left on his desk.

‘Excellent. We wouldn’t want Ferelden to go in a frenzy because of it’ Iazell pointed out, unconsciously making Thalia chuckle as she imagined Alistair running in circles with his hands in his hair.

‘I’m sure you could reassure _Ferelden_ in person, Your Worship’ she said, earning a raised eyebrow form the other man. ‘King Alistair and Arl Teagan are currently visiting, I’m sure they’d greatly appreciate to hear the news from you’ she explained.

Iazell was baffled for a moment, then he turned to Cullen.

‘Why wasn’t I informed of this?’ he asked, as if it was all the Commander’s fault for not having said it immediately.

‘I’m sure Leliana had her reasons not to inform you. They will depart tomorrow, so maybe join us for dinner?’ she smiled as she extended the invitation.

‘Of course’ he promptly accepted, somehow knowing that a refusal wasn’t possible if he wanted to survive his next meeting with the Ambassador.

‘Perfect. I’ll come find you before dinner then’

Iazell nodded and took his leave after giving a couple more indications on the plan to Cullen.

 

The next morning Thalia, along with the Inquisitor, the Advisors and Connor, saw off both men. She was rather satisfied of the result of their visit, having mended her relationship with Alistair – and promised him to keep in touch, now – and managed to, somehow, talk normally to Teagan. She hoped her _detached_ demeanor had convinced him that there could be nothing more between them. Ok, maybe she’d write a letter just to make sure and apologize.

As the most prominent figures of power in Ferelden rode out of Skyhold, Morrigan made her way towards the heads of the Inquisition with some haste in her steps.

‘Inquisitor’ she said, announcing her presence to them all. Six heads turned in her direction, each with different questions written in their eyes.

‘What is it?’

‘I believe I finally managed to understand where Corypheus is headed’ she declared, gaining the undivided attention of everyone.

‘Very well. Let’s move this to the War Room, shall we?’

The party made its way back inside the keep, Connor leaving them with a recommendation to his teacher to go and study, and soon disappeared in the privacy of the secluded War Room.

Once the door was shut behind them, the witch resumed her explanation.

‘As I was saying, I finally managed to understand where Corypheus is headed. There is another fully functional Eluvian in the middle of the Arbor Wilds’ she said, pointing with a long finger the location on the map.

‘His forces are probably already flocking there, meaning we’ll need to mobilize the army’ the Inquisitor reasoned.

A pause.

‘Cullen, start the preparation while we wait for news out of Sharnia, have Lady Thalia help you to speed the process’ he began, receiving nods from both of them.

‘Leliana, I want eyes and ears in the Arbor Wilds, send your best agents but tell them not to engage if not strictly necessary’ he went on, earning an _at once_ from the Spymaster.

‘Josephine, is time to collect on Celine’s gratitude. Send word to the Empress and have her ready her forces to march as soon as we have a defined location’ he directed towards the Ambassador, whose only reply was a nod and the scribbling on her tablet.

‘Morrigan, I want you to keep searching for this Eluvian. The more we know about its whereabouts, the more chances we have to reach it before Corypheus does. I don’t want to take any more chances going in blind than what is strictly needed’ he reasoned, and as always he had a fair point.

These three people had turned a mage with a small prospect of climbing the Circle ladder and turned him into a pure bred leader. He seemed to be born for it, it was impressive however you looked at it.

Once each and every member of the war council had agreed with him on each point, the meeting was dismissed and everyone went their separate ways to prepare as best as the Inquisition could.

Thalia followed Cullen to his office, and for the first time since her return, she earnestly listened and talked to him about the task at hand. She knew this was all bigger than their problems, and they needed the army as ready and fit as possible, hissy fits and childish arguments would only get in the way of reaching that objective.

 

In the end it took four days for the agents in Sharnia to send back word of Samson’s hideout. They had successfully destroyed and dismantled the quarries – it also seemed that the mayor of the town was going their way for judgment – and found papers that indicated that the corrupted general was using an old Shrine dedicated to Dumat along the borders of Tevinter, Orlais and Nevarra as his base of operation.

They were to leave at first light, which meant that Thalia had a full day of work ahead of her with everything that needed to be prepared before the Commander left.

It was, obviously, not the ideal time for her morning sicknesses to knock on the door, but she could not stop the course of the pregnancy.

After throwing up a couple of times that morning, she had made a bee-line for Solas’ studio, begging the apostate to provide something, _anything_ , for her to at least keep a glass of water down. He immediately agreed to have the necessities delivered to her once he was done, along with the recipes so she could make the potions by herself.

After that, she bunked in Cullen’s office, chugging a potion here and there when nausea became unbearable. She had too much work to do to keep running back and forth from her room and, fortunately, Cullen was too busy wrapping up the details of their outing with the Inquisitor to hang around his own office.

She was still in the middle of putting together the last papers before the Commander left when Leliana passed through.

‘Ah Lia, how are you feeling? I heard from Solas that you’ve started with the morning sicknesses, so I brought you some of that tea you like’ the Spymaster innocently announced to make her presence known to her friend. Thalia lifted her head from the report she was scribbling away at, and offered her a small smile of gratitude.

‘I see news travel fast, as usual’ she simply replied, gratefully accepting the lemon and bergamot tea; she could already smell the aroma spreading to the room, and her stomach seemed to react positively to it.

‘Of course. I would be doing a lousy job if that wasn’t the case’ Leliana said, chuckling, and sat the cup down in front of the other woman.

Thalia took a tentative sip of the warm drink, and was pleased when her stomach accepted the beverage without any complaints. It was the first thing she had managed to get down that hadn’t given her nausea since that morning.

‘Is it alright?’

Thalia hummed her approval.

‘Yes, thank you. I really needed it. This whole pregnancy thing is already starting to be a big stick in the mud’ she whined, sighing and placing the cup back on its plate.

‘You haven’t taken the tonic yet, though’ Leliana pointed out, somewhat smug about it.

The other woman simply shook her head.

‘Solas told me I still had time, were I to change my mind in the near future’ she then informed the Spymaster.

Still, Leliana nudged her again.

‘But have you thought about it?’

She nodded.

‘In all honesty, I don’t think I’ll ever be fit to be a mother, I never liked children, and I value my freedom above all else. Having one now would mean abandon everything I’ve ever known, and I don’t think I’m ready to do it. Probably never will. But I know if that I chose to give birth, then there’d be no way I’ll let someone take my child away from me, I’d never let them have a life without a family as I have. There is also a chance that it might be a mage, and a powerful one if it is to be the host of an Old God. Do I really want to bear a child whose very nature could be the reason of its demise?’

She paused.

‘I don’t know Leli, but the more I think about it, the more the cons outweigh the pros…And besides, being a Gray Warden is the only thing that has ever done me any good, what would I be without the taint in my blood? I don’t want to lose myself again, not by giving birth to a child who was never supposed to exist and has been conceived by mistake’ she finished.

Silence settled in the room as both women realized that a decision had, after all, been already made. Thalia’s eyes went wide as she finally came to the answer she had been searching for weeks, and Leliana felt a mixture of sadness and understanding swelling up inside her.

‘Does that mean you’ll never tell Cullen about all this?’ The Nightingale asked in a whisper, but loud enough for her to hear. She was convinced that, even if she ultimately decided not to keep the baby, he needed to know. It was _his_ child as well after all.

Thalia bit the inside of her cheek, conflicted about what answer to give. Maybe he deserved to know, maybe he was better off not knowing.

In any case, she did not manage to give an answer as another voice rose before hers.

‘Never tell me about what?’ the Commander asked from behind her, coming in from the main Keep, a frown painted on her face.

He watched as Leliana’s usually composed and unmoving demeanor shattered for a couple seconds in panic, just to recompose itself back up as if nothing had ever shaken her in the first place. But it was enough for him to know that the conversation he had just interrupted hadn’t be meant to be overheard by anybody, but _especially_ not by him.

On the other hand, Thalia did not seem in the least disrupted by his sudden appearance, in fact she almost seemed – relieved?

To Leliana’s utter shock, the Warden turned towards the Commander with utmost calm and composure, and started to speak.

‘Remember the night before I left for the Coast, when you and I had sex against my _better judgment,_ following which you declared it a mistake and dropped the whole thing on my head as if in was entirely my fault?’ she promptly reminded him, her voice, betraying nothing.

Cullen, on the other hand, flinched as if she had just punched him in the face, while Leliana just stared, dumbstruck.

‘Well, you see, it seems that _that_ led a ten years old magic ritual I thought failed to backfire. To put it in more simple words, I’m with child. _Your_ child. Another _mistake_ I’m going to rectify shortly’ she concluded, speaking with the detachment one would have expected from a Tranquil reporting facts on a research.

As she finished to speak, she quickly downed what remained of her tea and moved to stand.

She had made her part now, she had told him – more or less accurately – what she had meant to, now she wanted to go and speak with Solas and put an end to the whole affair. It had gone on longer than necessary.

She was already with a hand on the handle of the door that led to the Rotunda when she felt Cullen’s hand close on her wrist. She turned around, and on his face she saw an ocean of different feelings swirling around in his head. It wasn’t hard to imagine what might be going on behind those honeyed eyes, but she was set on her decision, nothing he had to say would serve as a deterrent.

‘Wait! You can’t just drop something like that on me and pretend I go along with it!’ he yelled, not angry, but surely indignant.

‘I’m not _pretending_ anything from you, Cullen. This is my body, my failure, my _mistake_. I’m not asking to understand or agree, either. I’m not giving you a choice at all. This child was unexpected and unwanted and I won’t birth it, not even if it could probably flush the taint out of my blood’ she stated coolly, regarding him with one of the coldest stares he had ever seen on her face.

It froze the blood in his veins, and even if he still understood nothing of what had happened, he let her go, watching as her back disappeared inside the keep.

 

‘Are you completely sure you want to do it?’ Solas asked for about the tenth time as she finally took the vial out.

Thalia groaned.

‘I am. But if you ask me one more time I might have to punch you’ she deadpanned, taking a seat on the bed.

Solas sighed and shook his head. He had rarely encountered someone as stubborn and impatient as this woman.

‘I just want to make sure you are not rushing into this’ he explained, his pose mirroring his preoccupation.  He wasn’t _exactly_ eager to have the soul of an Old God reborn in this world, but a part of him had hoped she would keep the child.

‘I have spent too many hours thinking about what to do, now I have taken my decision. I assure you it is not rushed’ she insisted, locking her eyes with the apostate to make sure he understood her sincerity.

‘Ma nuven’in’ he finally relented, gesturing for her to go ahead.

‘Know that there will be side effects; you will probably experience a sharp pain in your lower abdomen and blood losses following the discharge. You will need to rest for a couple days, I will assist you if you wish’ he explained.

Thalia glanced one more time at the dark red vial in her hands, trying to imagine her life if she didn0t go through with it…

Shaking her head to remove any lingering doubts, she uncorked the potion and drank it all in one go.

Once the last drop of the bittersweet concoction disappeared down her throat, she found herself relieved it was finally over.

 _It was the right thing to do_ she thought.

‘Yes, yes it was’ a soft and gentle voice whispered in her ear as the first seeds of pain started to sprout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that poor Cullen is always dragged into shit he has no knowledge of!  
> Next chapter we go full immersion in his head for a change and see what's going on. We all know what they'll find at the Shrine, but it'll be a change of pace from the usual flow of this story.  
> See ya next time!


	21. Oh Lion, My Lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I humbly offer a change of POV for this one. As the title suggests, we are going to take a trip down Cullen’s head and see through his eyes for a bit. This chapter pretty much follows the game quest. And I apologise if this is a tad shorter than usual! I'll be back with long ass chs with the next one!  
> The title – and the chapter – is inspired by a song called “The Lion of Ferelden” (Original Song, tribute to Dragon Age Inquisition), you can find it on youtube by Suzanne van Pelt.

‘Are you ok there, Curly? You look a bit out of it’

Varric’s voice startled Cullen out of the reverie he’d been in since the day before. Leaving Skyhold had proven useless in providing with a distraction; not even the prospect of putting Samson through his sword had done much for his mood. He was still so damn confused that his head was incapable of really concentrate on anything. He’d barely registered the whole journey, and now that they were steadily approaching their destination, he could only hear Thalia’s words over and over again.

He sighed.

‘I’m fine Varric, thank you for your concern’ he dismissed the dwarf, hoping he would leave it alone and stop asking questions.

‘You look anything but fine, Commander. And you’re usually _pretty_ fine, let me tell you’ Dorian chimed in from the front of the party where he was riding next to the Inquisitor.

Cullen sighed, letting the mage’s words wash over him. He was so used to Dorian’s teasing and flirting that it barely even annoyed him at that point.

‘Dorian’s right, Cullen. You look like shit’ The Iron Bull jumped in the pity party with everyone else, only managing to make the poor man groan.

Sometimes he forgot that the people he lived and worked with were all painfully observant, not to mention spies for this organization or another.

‘Are there troubles in paradise?’ he heard the Inquisitor ask from the front, and when he raised his eyes, he found the man turned back in his saddle, giving him somewhat knowing look.

He stiffened in his armor, muscles going tense for a fraction of a second, but enough to give himself away to these sharp-eyed people.

Varric threw a worried glance between him and Iazell before speaking.

‘You know how I always tell you that you are too dense to be sensitive, Charming? – he said, addressing the Inquisitor – Well, here’s an example’ he concluded, jerking his head towards the Commander.

Iazell regaled them all with a frown, an apologetic air surrounding his features as he went back to look at the road ahead.

‘There are no troubles in _paradise_ , there was never a _paradise_ to begin with’ Cullen commented, maybe letting too many information slip his tongue.

A side of him couldn’t avoid it, though. His mind was full to the point of exploding, nothing made sense anymore.

Maybe there wasn’t much to understand on the fact that she had been pregnant with _his_ child – even though the though still freaked him out and excited him at the same time, somehow – and had decided not to keep it, – but had she really done it? Had she truly flushed the new life inside of her? – but what about that _ten years old ritual_ that had backfired? She couldn’t just drop shit like that on his head and expect him not to question in!

Maker, he was going crazy.

And Leliana had, obviously, refused to lay out any explanation for him, pointing out that it wasn’t her place to tell him. Which meant he’d probably never know the truth, seen as Thalia was all but apt at talking to him about her life…

Another frustrated sigh left his scarred lips, attracting the attention of the whole party towards him. Each of them was skeptic about his lies, and with good reasons. They had seen him go through the worst of his withdrawal, had helped him survive it when he was at his lowest, and now were once again put in front of the same man, proclaiming that he was fine when it was evident even to a blind man that he was, in fact, not.

‘But something did happen, right?’ Iazell inquired, sensing his distress.

Cullen nodded.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked, hopeful his Commander would share whatever was eating away at him.

Cullen hesitated a bit, torn between the knowledge that Thalia wouldn’t appreciate him shouting the news  out loud, and the fact that said news interested him as much as her.

Finally, he relented, looking at them with a wry expression and thinned lips.

‘Thalia, she is – was, with child’ he breathed out, acknowledging the fact for the first time since she’d told him.

The whole party went silent, and stayed so for a solid couple minutes before anyone dared to speak a word. He could literally see their minds turning and twisting, trying to make sense out his words, but before enthusiasm could engulf them, one of them caught the thread and pulled.

‘What do you mean _was_?’ The Iron Bull asked, bringing everyone else to consider that little side step he had made in his confession.

Again, he was not sure she had gone through with it, but for what she knew of the woman, she never said something and then didn’t act on it.

‘She -- ah, decided not to keep it…’he trailed off, his right hand unconsciously going to rub at the back of his neck, as he always did when he was uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Again, the party was left speechless. They were probably torn between confusion and pity, and Cullen couldn’t really blame them.

As Iazell opened his mouth to speak, a thick column of dark gray smoke caught everyone’s attention, the topic momentarily forgotten as they rushed towards the entrance of the Shrine just to see everything burning.

They were too late, it seemed.

They made their entrance quickly, all attempts of sneaking in without attracting attention forgone as they dived in the fray of the little troops that had been left behind to burn the place down. Tents, tables, parchments, everything was on fire in the courtyard, if there ever was any information in there, it was as good as gone.

But there was still the whole shrine to investigate, and so they pushed forward.

Cullen ignored that feeling of dread and disgust that clenched his stomach each time he had to face and cut down another corrupted Templar, each time his mind reminded him that, had he not left the Order, he could have been one of them. He tried to ignore it even harder when they were faced with an enormous abomination of Red Lyrium; that thing retained nothing of his humanity, that much was clear.

The Inquisitor’s spirit blade cut through the crystals with surprising ease, and soon after the behemoth was down.

Inside, despite the number of demons and corrupted Templars still hovering around, they made quick work of cleaning out the burning halls.

Behind the last door, Cullen saw the last person he had expected to see, though he probably shouldn’t have been surprised.

Maddox, the Mage that Meredith had ordered Tranquil after Samson had helped him smuggle love letters out of the Gallows, was laying on the ground, his face devoid of emotions but contorted in pain.

Iazell rushed at his side, his hands already glowing a faint blue in an attempt of saving his life.

‘Don’t, Inquisitor. I’ve drank my entire supply of blightcap essence, it will be over soon’ he heard Maddox say as he approached, his voice blank and steady despite the obvious pain.

‘Maddox…why did you do this?’ Cullen asked, conflicted between shouting and whispering.

The Tranquil gave him a condescending look, as if even if he explained, Cullen wouldn’t understand.

‘Samson saved me before he needed me, Knight-Captain Cullen. Gave me purpose again’ he said, gratefulness evident in his monotone voice.

‘We burned the camp, gave him time to escape. I…wanted to help…’

The words left his lips in a soft whisper, and with them so did his life.

Cullen watched in horror as Maddox’s body crumpled to the floor, now emptied of what little had remained of his soul after the Tranquility had been imposed on him. He could return to the Fade now.

Could he? Didn’t the mark sever all connections to the Fade, after all?

He shook his head, trying to get the guilt out.

He turned back to the Inquisitor, who was now standing  back with everyone else, and suggested to check out the camp one more time. In the rush, Maddox might have missed something they could use.

They broke apart, each going through whatever was not on fire or useless, until Cullen heard Iazell call for him. He briskly walked back to him, and saw a bunch of tools still partially intact laid out on a table.

‘These…these are Maddox’s tools. We should bring them back to Skyhold, maybe Dagna can get something out of them’ he reasoned, partially relieved that they may have found something useful.

‘Yes, but look at this. It’s addressed to you’ the Inquisitor passed him a letter, and he immediately felt his stomach turn upside down.

It was from Samson.

‘He left me a letter?’ he asked out loud in mild disbelief.

‘What does it say?’

‘ “Drink enough Lyrium, and its song reveals the truth. The Chantry used us. You are fighting the wrong battle. Corypheus chose me as his general,  and his vessel of power” …and other such nonsense. Does he think I’ll understand? What does he know?’ he growled, anger raising in his blood.

He might have a point about the Chantry, but everything else? How could Red Lyrium and murder seem the right solution?

No, no he couldn’t understand.

Samson was a madman, an addict that had lost his mind. He would not listen to his crazy words.

But as the party prepared to leave the Shrine of Dumat and head back to Skyhold, the letter found its way in his pocket, put away as proof.

Or that was what he told himself.

At least he had stopped thinking about Thalia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: frolicking in the Arbor Wilds does not end up as imagined.   
> Also known as: The Inquisition disocovers ancient Elves, Morrigan and Solas have a dance off, Thalia is suspicius af, Samson gets taller and someone goes skinny dipping in an acient pool of knowledge.  
> Until next time!


	22. Hear Me Roar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was supposed to be the entire mission in the Arbor Wilds, Temple of Mythal included, but then the end of this chapter happened and I thought it was best to post it like this to make you appreciate the dynamics. Don't thank me...yet.  
> EDIT: Changed the name of the chapter ahaha got the idea while revising my notes and yeah, it fits. Also, as I like to say, there are never enough pop references!

By the time the Inquisitor’s party made it back to Skyhold, his forces were ready to march. Their eyes and ears in the Wilds had made a quick work of identifying and sabotaging the Red Templars’ camps and secretly establishing secluded areas for the Inquisition to settle in, but the road to the Arbor Wilds was still long.

Iazell rode at the head of the company, all his companions beside him, while Thalia stayed back with the Commander at the head of the army. Well, half the army. It would have taken too long to bring everyone on foot – probably something near to a month, while the riders would arrive in only two weeks – so they had decided to split their forces in two; one half moved out on horseback, led by the Commander, while the other half would travel on foot with Lieutenant Rylen. Obviously, a contingent of forces were left behind in Skyhold under the command of Leliana, who’d stayed back to preside the Keep. She also didn’t need to be on sight to do her work properly, anyway.

And so the Inquisition marched in all its power towards its objective, riding hard in order not to waste anymore time. Word said that Corypheus was on the move, they had to hurry.

Two heavy weeks later, they finally reached their destination, a well hidden camp site already in full function and partially occupied by the Empress’ forces. Strangely enough, those masked soldiers were a relief for sore eyes, it was hope and support.

They spread out, Thalia leaving Cullen’s side to preside with the Inquisitor to his meeting with Celene – to whom Josephine was already attending, having travelled with the Empress herself – and finalize the details of their incursion the next morning.

‘Ah Inquisitor, it’s a pleasure to finally see you here’ the Empress graciously greeted, her deep blue gown seemingly in perfect shape despite the dirt that surrounded them.

Iazell bowed at the waist, followed by Thalia.

‘The pleasure is all mine, your Highness. It means a lot to the Inquisition that you and your men are here’ he promptly replied in a show of perfect manners. It was obvious how he had gained Varric’s nickname.

‘Of course, it would be ungrateful of us not to aid you after all you’ve done for us. It is an honor to fight alongside the Inquisition’ Celene concurred, offering a smile behind her mask.

‘I’m thankful nonetheless. But tell me, have you already encountered resistance?’ Iazell moved the conversation away from meaningless pleasantries to more pressing matters.

Thalia could see the Empress’ expression sour despite the mask that concealed her face. She took that as a yes.

‘Yes, unfortunately we came across some pockets of men along the way, and my generals tell me our men are already out there, fighting back the Red Templars’ she reported with a grimace on her lips.

Iazell nodded, his eyes already lost somewhere in the scheming.

‘I had hoped we could let our men rest for the night, at least, but it’s evident we need to send someone out for support. Thalia, go get the Commander, I need him to start organize scouting parties to aid the Empress’ forces; and while you’re at it, round up everyone and have them prepare as well. We are going in’ he declared after some time, and Thalia slipped out of the tent immediately.

She moved quickly through the camp, trying to look out for any of the Inquisitor’s companions while she searched for Cullen. A caw from somewhere above her made her pause, and she rose her eyes to see a jet black raven with purple streaks looking back down at her. With a small grin, she recognize the little beast.

‘Good to see you’ve finally joined us, Morrigan. Please do me a favor and round up everyone, will you? I have a Commander to go find’ Thalia told the bird, who answered with a caw that conveyed all its annoyance, but took out nonetheless.

After she saw Morrigan off, she went back to the task at hand, running around camp until she spot Cullen’s hideous mane in the middle of a clearing, talking to one of the scouts – Jim, if she remembered correctly.

‘Cullen, Iazell’s asking for you. It seems that we have to move out already, no time to rest’ she announced as she moved closer, attracting the attention of both men who turned to look at her.

The Commander sighed heavily and dismissed the scout.

‘The situation is that bad?’ he asked, moving with her despite everything.

‘So it seems. There are reports that place Corypheus on the move to somewhere, and Celene’s men are already engaging its forces in the forest. The Inquisitor wants to send out our people to aid them while we scout ahead to catch up with Corypheus, this way it would be easier to give us an advantage’ she told him as she quickly walked with him back to the Empress’ tent.

‘I just hope we can make it in time’ he said, wariness coloring his voice.

Thalia understood perfectly his state of mind in that situation, she had had to make the same choices he was about to, to send her men to fight in the vanguard, knowing the everyone of them could not come back. In high risk scenarios the stakes changed quickly, and the people at the head were required to make  the choices no one would.

‘We will’ she simply replied, certainty strong in her voice despite the doubts that were swirling inside. Now was not the moment to doubt, it was the moment to act.

They arrived at the tent soon after, and quickly they organized their parties. There was no time to waste, and after a short set of recommendations exchanged between all involved, they were once again separated.

The Inquisitor followed Thalia to where she had Morrigan round up all his companions, and found them all waiting for them around a fire.

‘I hope everyone’s ready, this will not be easy’ his voice raised above the noises of camp, catching everyone’s attention.

‘Uh, then I guess I missed the easy parts, ah?’ Varric joked, looking up from where he was polishing Bianca.

A small laugh ran through all of them, breaking the tension a little.

‘I believe you’ve enjoyed the _easy parts_ way too much, old man’ Thalia shot back, an easy grin painted on her full lips. She knew how important it was for comrades to shake off the tension and fear before heading into battle, and she would provide with what she could.

‘Says the one who joined half way through’ the dwarf snorted back, earning him a round of chuckles at her expenses.

‘Yes, well, I think we all enjoyed the down times. What’s important is that we are here now, so focus everyone. I want all of you ready to go in half an hour; Cassandra, Solas and Dorian are with me, Bull and the Chargers will go in first to clear up some shit, the rest of you are going to defer to Cullen, go where he needs you. Morrigan and Thalia will come with us, I need all the edges I can get’ he laid the plan out, receiving nods and whatnot in reply.

The plan was easy, go in, find the Eluvian, stop Corypheus again. Whether they could put it in action without complications, that remained to be seen.

 

Half hour later, as instructed, the Inquisitor’s party was ready to go.

The sun had already started to set, and the forest casted ominous shadows all over, giving the overall impression of a danger that lurked in the shadows. It was not reassuring.

They set out immediately, encountering the first pockets of resistance not two minutes after. The Red Templars were scattered enough not to provide much of a challenge, and with the forces already engaging them, they made quick work of the first few of them. The first real challenge presented itself at the river, where ruins offered the right vantage point for several archers.

They headed into the fray, Thalia abandoning her staff for her sword to lend a hand on the first line, so that the mages could cast undisturbed.

She was handling the situation fairly enough, in her opinion, adrenaline rushing through her veins and magic humming under her skin, all in all a pleasant mix. There was also the fact that she wasn’t displeased with killing Templars. Gray Warden or not, she was still a Circle Mage at heart and her love for Templars was near to nonexistent. It got a bit harder when she spotted a blue and silver armor, so similar to the one she used to wear, that made her stomach sink. It seemed that they hadn’t found all the Wardens at Adamant, after all. With a heavy heart, she pushed forward and met the corrupted man’s sword with her own. She wanted to give him a clean death, if possible, so she started mouthing a spell under her breath, and the Warden immediately fell to the ground, unconscious.

‘Find peace at the Maker’s side’ she whispered before Spellweaver fell down on his chest, piercing through his heart.

A sad sigh left her thinned lips, but she forced herself to move onward.  

They left the shallow river, only to be faced with two massive horrors made out entirely of red lyrium crystals.

‘Ugh, Behemoths. I hate those’ she heard Dorian complain from her left side, and turned just in time to see a grin blossom on Iazell’s lips.

‘Don’t worry love, I’m on it’ he said, confidently, as he strapped his staff on his back and took hold of his spirit blade. The sword came to life as his hand touched the hilt, and Thalia watched with curiosity as he moved with the confidence of a seasoned warrior towards the two monsters.

With the support of everyone, the behemoths fell pretty quickly, leaving behind a satisfied Inquisitor and an impressed Thalia.

‘Well, they used to make those a challenge, before. Guess they ran out of resources’ he said, cheekily, as he regrouped with them.

Dorian shook his head at his lover’s display, but ultimately said nothing to reprimand him. Cassandra did spare him a somewhat accusing glance, but even she refrained from commenting. Thalia had the impression that they had gone through the same scenario more times that they wished to remember.

From there onwards, it all seemed pretty much calmer. Which was extremely suspicious.

They understood why when they came across a Templar encampment and saw the Templars already engaged in battle with…elves?

They were quick and nimble, armed with daggers, and moved almost too fast to be seen for more than a couple moments at a time, and were giving the Red Templars quite the headache. Which was good.

‘Are those Elves? Really? Where did they came from?’ she heard Dorian ask over the noises of the battle they were now locked into.

‘It is said that many things linger in the Arbor Wilds, ‘ tis not surprising to discover this. Although I’m curious to what they are fighting for…’ Morrigan replied, and Thalia could see the spark of excitement light her eyes. She always got those sparkly eyes every time they came across something that interested her deeply.

‘It is probable they are simply fending off intruders. We are, after all, trespassing their territory’ came Solas composed reply. Despite his continued casting, it seemed he hadn’t even broke a sweat.

Thalia watched with the corner of her eye as Morrigan grimaced; it was obvious she did not appreciate the correction, as much as it was clear that Solas did not appreciate someone else making assumptions in his area of expertise.

 _Maybe they could work it out with a dance off_ she thought to herself, grinning, while she sprung a barrier around Cassandra to protect from a backstab.

The warrior glanced back with a small nod and she went back to her offensive casting.

After all the threats had been neutralized, they had little time to stop and refill their supplies, because screams and shouts caught their attentions. They rushed down the banks, once again into the river, to see Inquisition forces being overwhelmed by a large number of Templars. As they descended, Thalia caught sight of the hideous black and red fur that completed the Commander’s mantle, and ran up to him just in time to fry an hidden elf that was going for his uncovered back.

‘You never said you were coming down here!’ she shouted to him as she took place on his back, switching between her staff and Spellweaver.

Cullen didn’t even spare her a glance.

‘You stubborn man! You die here, I’m going to have Dorian resurrect your corpse so I can kill you again!’ she went on, slicing the head off of an unsuspecting archer that had moved too close to her.

The Commander grunted something intelligible as he bashed a Warden down with his shield, but offered no further comment.

She was annoyed by his lack of response, and literally burned the Warden he had just crippled to a crisp. At that, Cullen turned towards her with a feral expression on his face, anger and annoyance burning in his amber eyes.

‘Oh I’m sorry, were you going to kill him? Too bad!’ she mocked him, her eyes surely reflecting the same feelings that were in his.

‘I was not aware that we were on a talking basis, my lady’ he growled to her face, teeth barred. ‘In fact, I believe that you wanted me to _mind my own businesses_ ’ he continued, gripping his sword and shield tightly.

Thalia groaned.

Were they really going to discuss it right there in the middle of the battle?

‘Well, if you hadn’t decided to fuck me against a door that day, we wouldn’t have had any problems!’ she bit back, throwing a shimmering shield over them as new enemies flooded the battlefield.

‘It’s not like you weren’t willing!’ he yelled back, turning just in time to block a hit of a Templar.

‘Andraste flaming tits, of course I wanted to fuck you! Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? But then you had do go on and say it was a mistake, shifting the fault entirely on me! That was a fucking deal breaker, you moron!’ she threw back as lightning shot out of her fingertips, hitting three Templars in a chain.

‘I’m sorry about that! I was upset, I didn’t mean to say those things!’ he exclaimed as his blade finished a horror, permanently relieving it of its head.

Thalia grunted in response, ducking an arrow that had managed to pierce her dying barrier. Said arrow bounced off Cullen’s shield, for which she thanked him with a quick nod before standing up again.

‘Talking about mistakes, what in the Maker’s name was that _ritual_ you mentioned?’ he asked, taking a breather.

Thalia frowned as an arrow etched itself in the elf she was about to cut down, catching the smug smile of Scout Harding from one of the broken bridges.

‘Ten years ago, Morrigan came up with a solution to kill the Archdemon and survive. It’s not common knowledge, but when a Warden kills an Archdemon, their soul is consumed along the dragon’s, thus killing them. This ritual consisted in conceiving a child so that none of us had to die. Alistair refused to do it, so I tried my hand at it, but failed. I was ready to die that day. Obviously it didn’t happen, and I apparently lived with the Archdemon’s soul happily for the past ten years. Until you fucked me on that door, that is’ she replied drily, hating herself for giving away details that not even the Wardens of Weisshaupt knew of.

At the reveal, Cullen’s stance faltered for a second, enough for another horror to catch him off guard; Thalia threw a barrier on him and rounded him to cut down the corrupted Templar.

‘Why didn’t you keep the child, then?’ he asked, recovering from the momentarily distraction.

She grimaced.

‘Beside the simple fact that we are in the middle of a war and neither of us is ready or has the time to be a parent? – she joked, though her words retained much of the truth – This child was the result of a blood magic ritual, in the wider sense, and hosted the soul of an Old God. It would have been a powerful mage with a strong connection to the Fade, a pool of ancient knowledge that could have been misused. I don’t know what you think, but for me it was all too risky’ she answered as honestly as she could, and even though they were still in the middle of the fight, she didn’t not miss the pained expression on his face at the mention of what the child could have been.

‘I see. If you’re so convinced it was for the best, then I have nothing to add’ he commented through thinned lips, doing nothing to soothe the irritation that was once again slowly building inside her.

‘Don’t give me that condescending bullshit, Cullen. You’d never have accepted a child had you known what I told you now! You may be a Templar no longer, but you still blame all mages for what happened to you at Kinloch, how could you raise a child knowing that it was the same thing you so much fear, uh? It would have been miserable!’ she hissed to him, taking her frustration out on whatever life form still lived in the shallow river as her staff pounded the ground, letting an electric charge loose.

As the words left her lips, Cullen snapped around, shouting at her back.

‘You don’t know that!’

Thalia turned and moved to yell back in his face.

‘I do!’ she shouted, sending a bolt of ice right in the eye of the last Templar still standing on the field.

The battle died down after that, and as no more Templars appeared, they all stopped down to take a breath.

Cullen and Thalia stood one in front of the other, eyes latched in a vise, breaths heavy with exhaustion.

‘We have to move, Corypheus must be inside the Temple!’ she heard the Inquisitor say, and finally snapped out of that challenge of looks she had engaged.

Cullen gave her one last hard look before he turned around to assess the losses and the damages they had sustained, and Thalia moved away, jogging to catch up with her party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next is what remains of this quest, which is probably the most interesting one.  
> Stay tuned!


	23. Mythal Enaste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, but as usual, September has revealed itself to be a horrible month for comminting to writing!   
> Also, this chapter did give me somewhat of an headache since I couldn't exaclty twist and turn its contents as much as I wished. What Pride had Wrought is a very well written quest, hence my wish to mantain the events as canon as possible. You will also find more canon dialogue that I've probably ever used in the whole story, but why change something that is almost perfect?

The party rushed up the steps of the Temple’s entrance, not sure about what they were going to be faced with. Whatever the expectations, however, nothing could have prepared them for the sight of Corypheus in person. Thalia was shocked to finally see the Magister turned Darkspawn with her eyes; sure, she had heard the descriptions of the Inquisitor and the other members of the party that had seen him, but having him in front of her was all other thing. What was more disturbing than his sight though, was the fact that she could _feel_ his presence, feel the force of his tainted existence. It was disconcerting, and as she ducked behind the banister in order to remain hidden, she couldn’t avoid the shudder that ran through her. They all watched in mild confusion as the scene in front of them unfolded; elves, wearing similar armors as the one they had fought through the woods, were fighting back against Corypheus and his Venatori, though it couldn’t be said they were winning. As  Corypheus stepped forward, saying something about a well of sorrows, he stepped over what was presumably some sort of trap; the elves stepped back, and the bridge seemed to come to life, forming a barrier that prevented anyone to surpass it, and the two columns at each side charged up with some kind of magic, blasting Corypheus out of existence.

Everything went still for a second, but then Samson – which Thalia hadn’t even noticed, overwhelmed as she was by the Darkspawn’s presence – rushed at the elves pursuit, who in turn had taken advantage of the distraction and ran past the door.

Once they were sure to be clear, they emerged one by one from their hiding spot, warily descending the steps to the bridge.

There was no mistaking it: Corypheus was dead, again.

They looked around, very cautious about everything, and barely managed to get a glimpse of Samson’s back as he followed his Templars inside. It was then – when all their backs were turned, that a gurgling noise caught their attention. It came from a dead Warden, the insignia on his chest unmistakable, that had started to twist and tremble, black liquid oozing out from everywhere. It was a disgusting sight, but even more so when his back started to tear, and from it they saw the unimaginable. Corypheus was rising from the dead body of a Warden. For a split second, Thalia thought she was going to be sick, then rage and indignation replaced the nausea, and she wanted nothing more to slam her stuff on the monster’s head, over and over again until it died again. She only faintly heard everyone else’s surprised gasps before the Inquisitor shouted to run for the bridge.

With her ears still ringing, she followed.

They were barely at the door when a familiar roar cut through the air, announcing the arrival of the dragon. Iazell was the last behind the huge double doors, and when they finally managed to push them close – just in time to avoid getting all nice and roasted – they sealed, a veil of blue magic dispersing through them.

They were safe, for the moment.

‘That was-’

‘Fucking terrible’ Thalia hissed, cutting Morrigan off.

She sighed.

‘I should have known, that he was using our people for that. I should have taken every precaution possible from the start…’ she said, more to herself than to the others.

It was inevitable for her, blaming herself to a certain extent. She could have been actively searching for a cure to the blight, doing something to prevent her brethren to be used and manipulated so easily. Instead she had left, wallowing in her depression and self pity, with a monster inside her head.

‘You cannot blame yourself. Corypheus was a mistake the Wardens made well before you were even part of their order’ Solas pointed out pragmatically, as usual.

Still, Thalia was not reassured.

‘Do not fret, my friend. That is a problem for another moment’ she heard Morrigan dismiss her fears, and even though she vehemently wanted to argue against her dismissal, her protests died in her throat as she turned to look at the witch. Morrigan was not paying attention to their group, instead her focus was undivided and centered on the courtyard they were in.

‘What is this place?’ Cassandra asked, wary of the unknown surroundings.

Thalia watched with little awe the square yard, her eyes skimming over the clearly elven architecture and the column placed in the middle. It was obviously the antechamber of the temple, and whatever the middle structure represented, it was probably a way for the pilgrims to honor their deity before moving further in.

‘It appears we have found a temple dedicated to Mythal’ Morrigan explained, stepping further in, leaving them behind as she moved to explore. Thalia slightly turned towards Solas, only to see him completely emotionless. She frowned; for someone who took great pride in his people heritage, he sure was acting apathetic towards it all. Was it because he had already witnesses something of this magnitude before? It was a possibility, but something in the absence of a reaction did not register as right with her.

But it wasn’t neither the place nor the time for such thoughts. Samson had already gained some distance, and the sooner they found him, the sooner they could stop him and secure the Eluvian.

‘The door up there appears to be sealed’ Dorian casually commented as he, too, followed Morrigan in the courtyard.

Yes, if she concentrated enough, she could hear the upper door hum with the same magic that had sealed the one behind them.

Moved by curiosity, Thalia joined the others, only to stop right next to her friend. Morrigan was examining the platform that was rose slightly from the ground, in the middle of which was that half column. The floor seemed to be composed by a series of squared stones, each separated from the other and carved in symmetrical patterns.

With caution in her steps, the witch climbed the few stair, and as soon as she was standing on one of the tiles, it lit up of a light blue light, humming as if pleased to have been awaken.

‘Uh, ‘tlooks like the magic of the Temple is still active’ Morrigan mused, moving closer to the pillar to read the inscriptions.

‘What exactly is this supposed to be, Morrigan?’ the Inquisitor asked, joining her on the singing stones. As he walked up to the witch, Thalia noticed that the tile he had stepped on did non light up. Uh, interesting.

‘I would say this is a ritual to pay respect before gaining access to the inner parts of the Temple’ she answered, eyes focused on the strange writings.

Thalia waited for her to be done, standing unmovable at the bottom of the stairs and watching.

‘Then let’s get it over with. The more we wait in here, the more Samson has to find the Eluvian? Iazell said, motioning for Morrigan to step down so he could proceed.

He moved with confidence, as if he had seen the puzzle a thousand times before, and soon enough all the tiles lit up, singing in unison as the ritual was completed.

The door on top of the stairs shone gold and immediately opened up.

‘Looks like it worked’ Iazell casually commenting, strolling down the patio.

‘What did you manage to read on the pillar?’ Thalia asked, turning towards Morrigan who looked like a child in a candy store, her eyes bright and excited. ‘Anything on that “Well of Sorrows” Corypheus mentioned?’

‘I recognized only a few words… “Abelasan” , meaning “place of sorrow”. That must be the well” she paused before continuing “There is something about knowledge. Respectful, or pure. Shiven, shivennen…’ she shrugged.

‘ ‘tis all I can translate. That it mentions the Well is a good omen’

‘At least we know the Well of Sorrows was important’ Iazell replied before moving out.

Once again, as they all followed him, Thalia stole a glance towards the elven apostate, wondering why he hadn’t stepped in to help with the translation. Surely he knew more than Morrigan, and from what she had seen so far he had not appreciated her misinformation before, so why not step in? Something in her mind bugged her that she should investigate her suspicions further, but again, it would have to wait.

The upper door opened to an even bigger courtyard divided in a lower and upper section, with the door to the inner structure of the temple on the upper part.

Of course, it couldn’t be as easy as just to walk up the door and waltz inside; in fact, they were met with Samson and a handful of red Templars and Venatori mages. The disgraced ex-Templar launched in yet again another villainous speech, and Thalia could not avoid but think that she had heard her fare share of those during the years. At Redcliff, from the demon possessing Connor, in the Brecilian Forest from Zathrian, at the Circle from Uldred, Orzamar and the Deep Roads had been filled with crazed motherfuckers, and Denerim hadn’t been any better in between assassins and politicians, then there were the two “Fathers” in Haven and the Temple, and least but not last, Howe, Loghain and even Anora to some extent.

As she thought back to each and every one of them, Thalia could feel the annoyance of old crawl back on her spine, wearing her patience  thin. When she focused back and noticed that Samson hadn’t even finished talking yet, she just slammed her stuff on the ground, burying the blade in the stone floor, letting loose a chain of lighting that muted the clichéd speech and stunned his minions. The inquisitor only spared her an impressed glance before he took advantage of her spell to eliminate the resistance. His people followed suit, but in the confusion Samson managed to escape through a hole in the ground.

How cliché.

When the last of the Templars were cut down, the group was left with a decision to make.

Follow Samson through the hole, or perform the rituals.

It was clear that Iazell was a bit skeptic about losing that much time, and Cassandra mistrust in ancient elven rituals wasn’t helping. Morrigan was trying to argue that paying respects was the safest – and possibly quickest – way to go, Dorian agreed. Solas was strangely silent, but Thalia suspected he agreed with Morrigan as well. It seemed she was the one needed to set the balance.

‘Inquisitor, I know this might seem almost impossible to believe, but as I’ve learned, there are many things that exist hidden from our eyes. I believe Morrigan is right; the elves we’ve met so far might turn out to be hostile towards us if we disrespect this place that they believe sacred’ she explained, obtaining their attention.

‘And believe me when I say that there probably wouldn’t be any Ferelden left if I hadn’t respected and performed the rituals of the Gauntlet in the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It was weird and daunting to pass through it, especially for someone that holds no faith in the Maker, but look at what it made me obtain’ she concluded, knowing that with this final argument she had swayed both him and Cassandra, who promptly gave her a shocked look that said everything.

Had Leliana never mentioned that to her? Odd.

‘Fine, I’ll do the rituals’ Iazell sighed.

‘Good.’

 

In comparison to the first one in the entrance, the three puzzles that needed to be solved were much more complex. It didn’t help that only one person at a time could perform them and that, if by mistake one walked one a already lit tile, the whole puzzle would restart from the beginning. After they spent more than ten minutes on the first one without completing it, the Inquisitor decided to use a new tactic: divide and conquest. Respectively him with his party on the first, Morrigan on the second, and Thalia on the third one.  Still, it took them way too long to figure out what should have been not a deterrent to enter the inner chamber, but a simple way to pay respects to Mythal. It was unnerving.

They were all annoyed – all but Solas, who still would not lose his mask of pure composure – when finally the door opened.

‘See? I was correct’ Morrigan said smugly as they approached the unlocked door.

‘And so you were. But I’ve been thinking…with the level of knowledge you profess to have, it seem strange that you could not make out more from the writings on the first altar…’ Iazell confessed, eyeing her suspiciously.

The witch’s face turned into a grimace as she crossed her arms defensively.

_Uh._

‘I did read something else, yes’ she replied, dry as the desert of the Western Approach.

 _Not surprising_ , Thalia mused.

‘Then it’s time to share, I believe’ the Inquisitor prodded her.

Morrigan hesitated for a split second; she never liked to be forced to share information she did not want to.

‘It said that a great boon is given to those who use the Well of Sorrows…but at a terrible price’ she offered despite her reluctance.

‘Did it explain something more about what this Well is?’

‘More or less. Like most elven writing, it was insufferably vague. The term I deciphered was “Halam’shivanas” – “The sweet sacrifice of duty”. It implies the loss of something personal for duty’s sake, yet for those who served at this temple, a worthwhile trade’ she explained.

Thalia was surprised by the absence of surprise in her.

Of course a price had to be paid in exchange for whatever the Well contained; there was always a catch.

As usual, yet another cliché.

It seemed the Elvhen were not so different from what modern society was, after all.

 

The door opened to an empty chamber, at the most far side of which stood out what could have been interpreted as a podium on which someone could speak to the people who flocked there. A priest, perhaps. Thalia knew close to nothing about elven culture, despite her extensive culture and the number of books she had consumed during her whole life.

As they walked in, each of them had the distinct impression of being watched, a feeling that only intensified when the double heavy doors closed and sealed behind them. They were all wary at this point; fear, excitement and expectations swirling in the air, so thick they could literally be smelt in the musky and heavy air of the chamber.

‘Who are you, that intrude in this sacred place?’ a high sounding voice boomed throughout the empty space, making them jump. They had been so focused on being on alert they had totally missed the elf that had now appeared on top of the podium. The group turned towards him as one, the Inquisitor at the head.

‘We mean you no harm. We are here to stop our enemy, we did not seek to trespass’ Iazell promptly replied, trying to come across as honest as possible.

Well, it _was_ the truth. They had entered the Temple only because what Corypheus sought laid inside.

‘I see’ the elf answered curtly before stepping closer to the edge. He took his time, probably to observe them more carefully, and Thalia reciprocated his curiosity.

The elf was wearing the same kind of somehow flashy armour as the ones they had seen fighting on the bridge, his head was covered by a hood, and she could only managed to make out his piercing eyes. When their eyes met, she sustained his look, searching his face for anything that could give her an edge on the situation. The elf was stone faced though, and she could read nothing.

‘You walk alongside one of the People and followed the Petitioner Path, we will not antagonize you’ he then paused, regarding each of them with a stern glare.

‘At least for as long as our objectives align’ he added, with what Thalia could only interpret as a smirk.

That was a start.

‘Can I ask to whom am I speaking?’ Iazell proceeded to ask, with such ease he almost made it seem the whole affair as nothing but a simple chat in front of a cup of tea.

‘My name is Abelas. I am but one of many, as we are but servants of Mythal. We are the Sentinels called upon to protect the Temple, but our numbers are few and keep diminishing with each intrusion’ he explained.

Thalia listened with sadness tingeing her mind. Was it odd that she felt some kind of kinship with these people? Whether it was because she was a mage or a Gray Warden she could not say, but she knew, albeit in part, what it meant to be forgotten and watch your peers die in anonymity.

‘Well met, Abelas. We are-’ Iazell was about to reciprocate the introduction, probably as a way to further show our good intentions, but the Sentinel interrupted him before he could tell more.

‘I don’t care to know your names or who you are, you come… - he trailed off for a second, and Thalia curiously followed his gaze as it set upon Solas – _recommended_ ’ he finished, his golden eyes shining bright under the darkness of his hood.

 _How many coincidences have to accumulate before you have a pattern?_ Thalia thought to herself, noting how Solas’ expressionless façade wavered for a split second. She was going to bet every single sovereign she had on the supposition that the apostate knew _exactly_ what Abelas had been hinting with those words. She shelved the intuition away, together with all other suspects and suppositions she had made since setting foot inside the Temple, and focused back on the conversation that was unfolding in front of her.

‘But know this, _Inquisitor_ : I will not permit you to spoil the Well, even if I have to put an end to it myself’ the elf declared, and Thalia wondered just how much she had tuned out from this confrontation, for now she was utterly lost. When had Iazell introduced himself? A quick stolen glance towards the man told her that he hadn’t.

_Uh._

‘Inquisitor, be careful. We might need whatever power the Well holds, it could give us an advantage against Corypheus’ Morrigan whispered next to her.

It didn’t come as a surprise to anyone that Morrigan would insist upon taking advantage of the Well.

Iazell seemed doubtful, though.

‘I’m almost completely sure that if we decide to contradict them, they will attack us. I’m sorry, but I cannot waste anymore time fighting…’ he admitted to her, a hint of regret colouring his voice.

‘We will not take advantage of the Well, I promise. We only seek to stop those who would shamelessly took what it’s not theirs and use it to destroy us all’ he then proclaimed out loud, so that every single Sentinel present in the room could hear it.

Abelas seemed to approve of his statement, nodding.

‘Very well Inquisitor. One of us will lead you where you need to go’ the Sentinel concluded, dismissing them with barely a bob of his head before turning his back to them.

‘Inquisitor! You don’t understand! He will destroy the Well before any of us can even reach it!’ Morrigan all but shouted at him, anger painted all over her usually sneering face.

Iazell only gave a resigned look.

‘I will not allow it!’ she went on, ready to commit one of her impulsive gestures, no doubt.

‘And I will not allow _you_ to even touch the Well with your filthy hands, _Witch_. If I must destroy it to prevent it, then so be it’ Abelas sneered at her from up his podium, his torso half twisted towards them down in the chamber.

And with those words a swirl of gray mist began to swirl all around his figure, and soon enough nothing remained of Abelas if only the smoke that was now disappearing through the door that Thalia had just noticed.

‘No!’

Morrigan shout echoed in the chamber so loud that, for a moment, no one even noticed the witch had started to switch form. A jet black raven soon rushed towards the smoke, hell bent on catching it before it could reach its objective.

Everyone but Thalia watched this with surprise, taken aback. She, on her part, just sighed.

‘Don’t worry Inquisitor, I’m on it. I’ll stop her before she can do anything rush’ Thalia intervened, already preparing the spell in the back of her mind.

They all regarded her with at least as much shock when she shifted, taking the shape of an eagle, and flew off in pursuit of both Morrigan and Abelas.

Had she not mentioned them that she could shapeshift as well?

_Oh well._

 

The chase was a bit frantic, and Thalia had no way of stopping and admire both the art and the impressive architecture, as her attention was solely focused on not losing the traces of Morrigan and Abelas’ magic. They were fast, and Thalia could not remember how many years had passed since the last time she had shifted, hence her lagging back. Luckily for her, the magic was strong inside the Temple, and the faint traces they left behind where enhanced enough for her to follow without getting lost.

She finally caught sight of them only when the narrow always and corridors left place to another bigger garden. A glance down and she could see the Inquisitor and the others fighting against Samson and his corrupted Templars. They were winning, and she caught a glimpse of Iazell striking the final blow with his spirit blade. And then everyone was running towards where Abelas had finally rematerialized, up magic stairs that had appeared out of nowhere, towards what from up there looked like a pool of crystal clear water with an Eluvian resting just on its edge.

Thalia prepared for the landing, her mind already working on conjuring up her human form as she stuck the landing perfectly.

She dust off her robes, and went to join the group that now saw Morrigan arguing hotly with both Abelas and the Inquisitor.

Iazell admonished the witch for having partially compromised their mission, while she vehemently explained that the Well was vital to their success.

‘ – better it be destroyed that bestowed upon the undeserving!’ she heard the last of Abelas’ words as she came near the three of them.

‘Fool! You’d let your People’s legacy rot in the shadows!’ was Morrigan biting retort.

The Inquisitor looked about to explode.

‘Stop it! Corypheus needed Samson to use the Well. Without him, there is no “vessel” to claim it. We did what we came here to do’ he declared, his jaw set tight to impose his authority.

Morrigan stopped a second a took a deep breath.

‘The moment we leave, he will send in more forces to secure this place. The Well clearly offers power, Inquisitor. If that power can be turned against Corypheus, can you afford not to use it?’ she asked, her voice velvety and loaded with promises.

It was certainly alluring, Thalia had to admit.

In turn, Abelas regarded her with a stern and silent glare.

This up close, Thalia could see the green lines etched on his forehead and cheeks in an intricate yet elegant pattern.

‘Do you even know what you ask? As each servant of Mythal reached the end of their years, they would pass their knowledge on… through this’ he explained, turning so that he was facing the pool.

‘All that we were. All that we knew. It would be lost forever’ he trailed off, sadness washing off of him in waves.

‘It must have been hard, to hold on for so long…’ Thalia found herself saying, feeling his pain as it was hers.

‘You cannot imagine. Each time we awake, it slips further from our grasps.’

And yet she could imagine what he meant.

‘There are other places, friend. Other duties. Your people yet linger’ Solas cut in, attracting their attentions, but Abelas’ in particular.

The elf turned to his peer with a doubtful glance, though there was something else behind his eyes, something that suspiciously resembled sarcasm.

‘Elvhen such as _you_?’ he asked.

‘Yes, such as I’ Solas replied, only calm and understanding in his voice.

Had someone else made that comment, the answer would not have been so peaceful.

‘You have shown respect to Mythal, and there is a righteousness in you I cannot deny’ Abelas than said, turning back towards Iazell. ‘Is that your desire? To partake of the Vir’Abelasan as best you can, to fight your enemy?’ he inquired to farther test the honesty of their intentions.

‘Not without your permission’ Iazell answered, probably trying to play it safe.

‘One does not obtain _permission_. One obtains the right’ Abelas clarified, almost as if offended by the thought.

He turned to leave, but stopped before the steps.

‘The Vir’Abelasan may be too much for a mortal to comprehend. Brave it if you must, but know you this: you shall be bound forever to the will of Mythal’

_Ah, yes. This must be the price that the inscriptions mentioned. Figures._

‘Bound to a goddess that no longer exist, if she ever did?’ Morrigan sneered, taking Abelas words as a personal offence to her own knowledge and culture, it seemed.

‘Bound, as _we_ are bound. The choice is yours’ he said, and the finality that impregnated his voice almost sent chills down her spine.

‘Are you leaving the Temple?’Iazell asked having sensed the same decisiveness of the situation that she had.

The Sentinel shrugged, resigned.

‘Our duty end. Why remain?’

 _Why did you not leave earlier, then?_ Thalia had the question on the tip of her tongue, but Solas beated her to it yet again.

‘There is a place for you, Lethallin… if you seek it’ he stressed again.

Abelas considered his words for a moment before speaking again.

‘Perhaps there are yet places that the shemlen have not touched. Perhaps it may be that only Uthenera awaits us. The blissful sleep of eternity, never to awaken’ he said, and at the prospect of that he seemed almost hopeful.

Iazell stalled, considering his next words carefully.

‘You could always come with us. Corypheus killed your people, after all’ he proposed, not sure f it was truly the best of ideas.

Abelas smiled sorrowfully.

‘We killed ourselves long ago, Inquisitor’ he confessed, bowing his head in a final salute.

As he moved to descend the steps, Thalia heard Solas speak once more, though the meaning of the words she heard escaped her.

‘Malas amelin ne halam, Abelas’ he said.

Abelas did not reply and Solas did not translate for them.

 

Once the old Sentinel had disappeared, one more question remained.

Who would _partake_ on the gift of the Well?

Of course, once more unsurprisingly, Morrigan hurried to make her case.

It was true she had the knowledge to possibly understand whatever the Well offered, but could she be trusted with it?

The discussion seemed circular between the witch and the Inquisition, so Thalia decided to step in once more.

 _Maybe they should start paying me for making decisions_ , she faintly though as she intervened.

‘Inquisitor, if I may’ she said out loud, so that her voice could be heard over the bickering.

When Iazell nodded, she hurried to plead her case.

‘I know you do not fully trust Morrigan, and with good reasons.’ she began, shooting a reprimanding glance towards her companion of old. ‘Nevertheless, I would vouch for her’ she went on, earning a surprised look from said witch.

‘Abelas said that the price for the knowledge contained in the Well is to be bound to Mythal. Whether she is a mere legend or not, whether she still lives or no, I suggest you do not take any risk. You now lead the bigger movement in the whole of Thedas, you cannot afford to be bound to no one else’s will but yours. And trust me, old legends might reveal themselves to be more real than anything you’ve ever imagined’ she concluded, her hands instinctively going to clutch the fabric over her stomach.

Iazell considered her words carefully, and Thalia hoped he could see the truth behind her eyes.

‘Fine. Morrigan, go ahead’ he conceded in the end.

Morrigan flashed her a grateful smile, and then stepped in to the pool.

 

From that point on, everything basically blended together.

Morrigan stepped into the Well, the water swirled all around her, confused voices sounded speaking one over each other in a language no one – but Solas, probably – could understand. Then everything stilled, Morrigan raised, confused and disoriented, and before any of them could do anything to help her up and ask questions, the situations rolled downhill.

Corypheus made his entrance after exploding half a side of the temple, and made a beeline for them.

It was then that Morrigan seemed to come back to herself, shouting at them all to hurry towards the Eluvian, which was now shining and wavering as if the glass was made of water.

Thalia watched with wide eyes as _something_ rose from the Well, it looked like a woman, and posed itself in between them and the Magister, helping them escape.

‘Amell! Hurry up!’

Her name, shouted to the wind, brought her back on her feet, and Thalia hurried towards the Eluvian. everyone had already jumped through, only Morrigan and her remained.

With one last glance backwards, she jumped through the mirror, anticipating whatever she would feel upon crossing it.

It felt fresh, almost like swimming in a very refreshing lake, and then it was over.

When she opened her eyes, she was sprawled on a stone floor and probably half across a leg that seemed to belong to Dorian.

Only when she saw Morrigan step out of the Eluvian and seal it behind herself, Thalia allowed herself to breathe again.

_What the hell just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have a major crush on Abelas, but let's not investigate further.   
> Next up, our heroes take a breather while Morrigan psyches herself up, Thalia and Cullen come to a resolve in their 'relationship' and then we are off to meet our favourite elusive ma- woman.


	24. The truth is not an ending but a beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I meant to deliver this before I left for my small vacation, but as I originally had planned this, it was to be muuuuuuch longer, too long for the standards of this story, so I split it in two.   
> Gosh, I keep adding chapters to the original plan ahaha  
> Anyway, enjoy some fluff(?)!

The party’s sudden and unexpected return to Skyhold saw Leliana sending out letters faster than her ravens could deliver them and, while the inner circle took the time to rest and regroup, the hasty arrival of the Commander with the vanguard of their forces. Josephine had stayed back to smooth out the withdrawal of the Orlesian’s army, and was meant to accompany Celene back to Halam’Shiral before returning to Skyhold.

The meeting in the War room that followed Cullen’s arrival, was one of the longest Thalia had ever took part in, – planning had never taken too long during the blight, and Varen had always taken care of bureaucracy in Vigil’s Keep – and the sun was long on its way over the mountains when she reemerged in the main hall.

So many hours passed talking, and they barely had a plan. Morrigan was still struggling to make sense of all the voices that now swam in her head, but she did have a pretty clear enough idea of how they should proceed from there, which did not reassure the Inquisition’s advisors in the least.

They were to depart in three days to go back to the Wilds, to seek out an altar dedicated to Mythal and then summon her. Yes, _summon_ her. Mythal. A goddess. Because, as it turned out, not only the Elven gods had truly existed in the flash, but Mythal was still around somewhere.

The prospect was in equal part alluring and unnerving, and Thalia couldn’t avoid the foreboding feeling that had planted itself in the back of her head. It was not something ordinary to find out that another religion had all the fundaments to be truthful.

 _Uh, maybe we should invite over some clerics and have a chat. That would be hilarious_.

Or maybe she should start doing some competition to Varric or Brother Genitivi and start her own serial about her own adventures and crazy shit she had uncovered during her life. It would sell like wildfire, no doubt there.

‘Are you going to stand there all night?’ a heavy and weary voice asked from somewhere behind, making her jump and reassess her surroundings. With her head on the clouds, her feet had dragged her to the one place she always used to go to after a meeting: Cullen’s office.

‘Sorry I…just came here out of habit, I guess’ she shrugged, turning to face him.

The Commander looked tired, and Thalia suspected he hadn’t been resting much if at all sine coming back from Orlais.

He offered a non-committal sound and walked past her to open the door to his office.

‘Come in?’ he asked, a hand still on the handle.

Thalia hesitated a bit for good reasons, but decided that, after all, she did want to spend time with him. She also felt the need to talk to him about more…personal matters.

‘Sure’

She followed him inside and, again, flicked a wrist to light the candles that rested on his desk.

 _Third time’s a charm_ , she thought as she settled in the chair that rested in one corner of the room. She didn’t bother drag it near his desk, she just dropped on it and waited for him to do the same on his. A tired sigh told her that he had done exactly that.

‘Maker, all this shit keeps giving me headaches…’ he complained, his exhaustion making way for swears to appear in his speech pattern. It was kind of endearing to hear him swear, really.

He rubbed at the base of his neck in an attempt to massage the stiffness away; standing for hours and bending over and over again on a map tended not the be exactly healthy for one shoulders and neck…

‘Stop trying to understand and the pain will go away… ‘least that’s what I do’ she confessed, stretching her limbs one by one, just like a cat would before settling down to sleep.

‘And I should just _go along_ with it all?’

Thalia hummed.

‘Why not, shit happens even if you disagree with it’ she replied, moaning lightly when her neck popped.

‘I’d love to be that careless…’ he sighed, and something in his voice told her that he really hadn’t meant it as a jab to her.

‘ ‘s easy, but you shouldn’ do it’ she mumbled, her words slurring ever so slightly as her tiredness crept on her as well.

A nap would be a blessing after the day they just had.

The world went out of focus for a moment as she fought to keep her eyes open, but her mind immediately sharpened when she felt a hand brush some hair out of her face.

‘You’re falling asleep on a chair’ Cullen pointed out softly when her blurry eyes looked up at him through long, brown lashes, a small smile pulling the scar up.

‘I know. I jus’ wanta take a nap’ she said, trying to dismiss the heat of his fingertips on her face.

‘Go back to your room then. You do have a bed there, if you recall’ his tone was almost annoyed, but the hand that still lingered on her hair told her otherwise.

‘But it’s so far, chair’s right here’ she replied, a sleepy smirk ghosting on her lips.

‘Maker, you’re so difficult sometimes’ he huffed, removing his hand to brush it through his own, pampered, hair.

Thalia made a subtle noise in the back of her throat at the lost contact, but her smile turned into a straight A smirk.

‘Only _sometimes_?’ she quipped, raising a brow.

The Commander sighed in resignation and took a step back from her chair.

‘If you really want to sleep, at least go upstairs, please’ he casually threw there as he moved around his own office, putting stuffs in places.

‘In your bed? Mmh…’ Thalia faked her indecision for half a second before raising.

She walked up to the ladder and gave Cullen a once over, a hand already gripping around a rung; he was fixing some papers on his desk, his shoulders hunched under his fur, and rubbing his neck with his free hand. He looked completely worn out.

‘Why don’t you join me?’ she heard herself ask out of nowhere.

 _You have issues you still have to work on, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is_ why don’t you join me _? In bed? Maker, what is your problem!_

Silence was all that met her proposal, and she moved to climb up, content with the thought that he probably hadn’t taken her seriously.

‘Can I?’

His voice took her by surprise and she had to grip harder on the ladder to avoid slipping off of it in shock. When she risked  a look at him, her heart melted a little and she smiled, genuinely, for probably the first time in a while. But how could she not when his amber eyes were shining with such hope and expectation?

‘Sure, you look like you do need a good rest, anyway’ she shrugged, trying to play it cool despite her heart hammering restlessly in her ribcage.

‘I do, don’t I’ he chuckled to mask his own nerves, though his hand rubbing mindlessly on the back of his head did give him away.

‘Com’on’ she prompted, starting to climb the ladder before she could think it through.

They had barely spoken upon his return to Skyhold, and all that transpired between them in the heat of battle had yet to be addressed…so why were they doing this? Maybe it was just all because they were exhausted, maybe to seek out the comfort of another person’s heat.

‘Go ahead, I’ll just close the doors’

When she reached the loft, she moved to the side to wait for him, and could not help but fidget as she glanced around. The room was actually kind of big, but the furniture was sparse and essential, with only a bed and a chest to make it up, and a dying light filtering in from-

‘Is that a _hole_ in your roof?’ she asked, amused, when she noticed where the light came from.

Several cracks adorned the ceiling, but only one in the far left corner was bad enough to have pierced the outer roof.

‘Yes. Josephine did try to convince me to repair it, but I…kind of like it better this way’ Cullen replied as he appeared from the ladder. Thalia immediately noticed that he had forgone his armor, and a treacherous part of her felt disappointed she had missed the show. She tried her best to ignore that silver of indecency, considering, instead, what that hole really meant.

The high halls of Kinloch came to her mind easily, all stone and no windows, – to prevent any attempt of escape, though she had never understood how someone could be so stupid as to jump out of a _tower_ –, and she immediately understood. Confinement was a rather fearful feeling, and even that simple hole in the wood was a welcome respite. One could never have enough light or air during a panic attack, after all. She grimaced a little, imagining Cullen’s figure crunched under the ugly boot of fear and panic, and bile rose in her stomach.

‘It helps, doesn’t it?’ she commented, turning a soft smile towards the man. ‘Not to feel boxed in, that is’ she added when she saw him frown.

‘Ah – yes, I do welcome the fresh air’ he chuckled, knowing that she was not judging him for it.

His words trailed off in the space between them, silence settling in their wake, and awkwardness started to make itself known.

 _And now what?_ She thought, eyeing the bed with a certain degree of embarrassment. Having sex in a bed was one thing, to lay in one, fully dressed, doing… _nothing_ , was kind of another.

She sighed.

Maker, but she was tired!

‘I, uh – You should g-go ahead and lay down’ Cullen stuttered, neck already flushing bright red. He was looking at everything but the bed.

‘Right…’

Seizing what little determination was left in her, she covered the space that separated her to the bed and sat down, testing the mattress with her fingers. It was soft, probably softer than the one that the Ambassador had provided for the guest’s rooms that overlooked the garden. The Inquisition seemed to be sparing no coin to have its leaders comfortable and rested, it was a pity that _someone_ would not indulge himself with some well deserved rest.

She glared up at him as those thoughts scurried through her mind.

‘What? He asked her when he noticed her dirty look.

‘Nothing. I was just wandering what your sister would say if she were to know that her baby brother does not take care of himself’ s1he mused, shooting him an amused look along with a smirk.

Cullen seemed to be lost somewhere for a moment, but then he plopped down on the bed next to her and let go of an hearty sigh.

‘Maker, she’d probably slap some sense in me’ he whined, and Thalia laughed at how scared he seemed at the mere thought of that happening for real.

‘Oh, I’d pay to see that’ she chuckled, resting her hands behind her back so that she could lean her weight on them.

Cullen grimaced.

‘How did you know about Mia? I’ve never talked about her with you’ he said, recalling that they had never held such conversation before.

‘Yeah, you never did…’ Thalia murmured quietly, letting the knowledge sink in. Despite how long they had known each other for, she knew very little of his life before the Templars; what little information she had heard, it hadn’t been from him.

‘Though there are certain _advantages_ of having a spy for a friend, you know’ she said, a smile gracing her lips as she recalled how Leliana had parted from that particular piece of intell only after several glasses of fine antivan wine.

Though she wasn’t looking directly at him, she felt him shift next to her, and the mattress dip under his weight. When she craned her neck to look at him, he was sprawled on his back, with his legs still bent over the edge she was sitting on.

‘I really should stop asking questions when it comes to you…’ he breathed out.

Thalia couldn’t repress a giggle at his tone, and she slid down to lay with him, curling on one side so she could look at his face.

‘Yeah, yeah you really should’ she mocked him, raveling in the way his amber eyes shone with mirth and the scar on his mouth pulled lazily at his full, smiling lips’

They shared a long, silent, moment just looking at each other in the eyes, imagining all the what ifs that their lives, had they done differently, could have entailed.

Thalia’s breath hitched when Cullen’s hand quietly ran over her side, waist, arm, shoulder, neck and cheek, before it went to rest in her hair, pulling some errant strands behind her ear.

‘Maker but I want to kiss you right now’ he whispered, and his voice carried all the passion, the tenderness, and the heavy feelings he had so carefully stored away in his broken heart. Her eyes widened behind fluttering lashes, and she couldn’t stop them from sliding to his lips.

There were so many things that still needed to be said between them, but in that moment the idea of kissing him felt exactly _right_.

So she shifted closer, pressing her body against his, burying a hand in his golden locks, and closer again until no space could be found between their bodies.

She was so close to kissing him when a laud and insistent knocking came from downstairs. At first, she elected to ignore it, set on the task at hand, but whoever was knocking on the door seemed pretty set up on being received.

‘I should go see who that is…’ Cullen sighed, eyes closing for a moment to express his disappointment.  In the mean time, the pounding continued, relentless.

A vein on his temple started to pick up some speed, and Thalia lifted a hand to caress his cheek. When his eyes opened, he did seem a bit more at ease.

‘Don’t murder them, please’ she said, grinning a little at his frustrated huff.

‘I make no promises’ he replied, lifting himself from the bed.

A small shiver ran through her at the loss of warmth, but she promptly decided to fight it by scurrying under the covers.

‘Go on, I’ll wait here’ she prompted, watching him go from her spot on his bed. Under his covers. Over his pillows.

Maker, it was going to be hard to ever get her smell out of those, and he didn’t think he’d want to in the first place.

Yet another insistent knock pulled him out of his reverie, and he hurried down the ladder, mouthing profanities under his breath as he went.

Thalia listened idly as Cullen opened the door, only to hear him almost tear off the head of a poor scout named Jim that had passed by – under his order, nonetheless – to deliver a report he had requested urgently from Leliana.

She chuckled as she imagined the face of the poor man, probably half terrified to death, as he hurried to run for his life. She made a mental note to offer him a drink next time she was around in the Tavern.

And, though a part of herself would never admit it, she was glad for the interruption. She still wanted to kiss Cullen, but with her brain back on track, she was set on making things clear between them before she went and made out with him.

With her resolve strengthened, she sat up straight, resting her back against the headboard, and watched as the Commander climbed back up. He looked flustered and apologetic at the same time, a combination that suited him a lot considering the ripping muscles that adorned his whole body.

‘I’m sorry, I had completely forgot about the report…’ he trailed off, hand rubbing at the base of his neck.

‘Don’t worry, really’ she said, waving his apology off. ‘I actually meant to _talk_ to you, so let’s say his timing wasn’t that bad’ she added, giving a little sheepish smile when his eyes rose to hers.

He sighed.

‘Me too. We just got… _sidetracked_ , I guess’ he agreed, walking up to the bed. He sat down on the side left free and removed his boots before he climbed in next to her.

‘Yeah…I think we have things that need to be worked out before we can get _sidetracked_ again’ Thalia observed, offering a little grin when she borrowed  his euphemism.

Cullen huffed, but motioned for her to go ahead. He’d listen, this time.

Thalia bit her lower lip, trying to decide where to begin her story; she’s gladly spare him and herself the tale of how she and her friends stopped the Blight, totally eclipsing over her story with Alistair, and possibly start at the end of it all, where the essential information laid.

‘I shouldn’t be talking about this, but since we are facing a threat created by Wardens, maybe it’s the case that you know as well’ she started, her head resting on his shoulder. ‘Archdemons are the reincarnations of Old Gods awakened, and Wardens are the only ones that can permanently kill them. This is common knowledge now a days, but what people don’t really know, is the why. Why do we need Gray Warden _specifically_ to end the Blight? It’s because, when a Warden strikes the last blow on an Archdemon, their taint attracts the soul of the Old God and force it inside them, successfully destroying it and, along with it, the Warden’s as well. It is the ultimate sacrifice, one that is usually made by the oldest Warden around during a Blight, the one that is closer to the Calling, who gives their life for a higher purpose instead of wasting away in the Deep Roads’ she explained, not really eager to proceed from there. Cullen was an intelligent man, she knew that he had probably informed himself on how things had gone down in Ferelden, and it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

‘As you may know, Alistair and I were the only surviving Gray Wardens in the whole of Ferelden, but that isn’t entirely true. Orlais had sent reinforcements, but they had been stalled at the border by Loghain. Only Riordan had managed to arrive to Denerim, where Howe had promptly imprisoned him. It was him who relayed this very information on us, telling not worry about it because he would be the one to take the fall…’she trailed off, her mind conjuring up the moment for her. She remembered the shock of the confession as it had been only mere days, the utter bafflement when she realized that _that_ was what she had been to do, the last broken strings of hope when she had realized that she was ready to die…

It was sad, and a shiver ran over her at the memory.

That was not a good place to be. Ever again.

‘You and the King are both alive, am I to assume that this Riordan succeeded?’ Cullen asked, dragging her back from her own thoughts.

She shook her head.

‘No, he died trying. But there is something else before we get there…’

‘Is it about the ritual you mentioned?’

Thalia hummed in confirmation.

‘That same night, Morrigan came to me, professing to have found a ritual on her mother’s Grimoire that would ensure the survival of the Wardens. She said she knew about the Sacrifice, and about the hole in the loop’ she paused.

Was there an easy way to retell what the ritual entailed without having him freak out?

Probably not.

Thalia took a long breath.

‘The ritual was meant to produce a tainted child, so that the essence of the Archdemon would seek it like a beacon. In those early stages the baby would have survived, and it would have been the bearer of a greater and very old knowledge. All that was required, of course, was another willing participant’ she explained, not even bothering to stop and check if he was still following her tale. She needed to get over it as quickly as possible.

‘I tried to convince Alistair with all my most persuasive arguments, but he would not hear it. After all I had just forced him to not only take a throne he did not wish to, but I had promised his hand to Anora without even asking for his opinion. He was furious with me, and refused to take part in the ritual. After I told so to Morrigan, she left me. She did not think her presence necessary anymore…’ she paused, silence settling in heavily between them.

She sighed.

‘I was on the brick of desperation. Nothing made sense anymore. The man I loved probably hated me, the woman who I had almost called a sister had left me, there were good chances I was going to die... I- I was in a very bad place that night, and I became reckless because of it. It’s a long story, but I had a copy of Flemeth’s Grimoire with me, and I blindly looked for the ritual Morrigan had talked about…’ she said sheepishly, pointedly avoiding his gaze. She was ashamed of herself, of her motives, of the way she had acted towards Alistair that night…the lies, the manipulation, the desperation…

'Did you perform the ritual on your own?' Cullen asked, and Thalia failed to read anything in his voice. Was he judging her?  

She nodded nonetheless.  

'I did. And I held no big hopes in its success. Gray Wardens rarely manage to conceive children, but I was desperate for a way out. It was that, or die. And I was ready for both' she sighed, linking her hands, unable to stop bad memories from resurfacing.  

'But you defeated the Blight and survived, and yet there is no child' Cullen pointed out, his inquisitive gaze searching for hers. She turned slightly towards him and offered him a sorrowful smile.  

'Riordan died fighting the dragon, but he only managed to wound it. It was up to Alistair and me to kill it, and I knew I couldn't let him do it; he was a Theirin, he was needed on the throne. So when the time came I beat him to it' she told him, remembering the thrill of the fight, the adrenaline pumping through her while she run towards the dragon, stray sword in hand and eyes focused on the kill.

‘For a moment I thought that that was it, I was dead. Imagine my surprise when I woke up in the Palace, alive and very much not pregnant…’ she scoffed.

Confusion showed on Cullen’s features, and Thalia couldn’t suppress a small chuckle. She knew the feeling very well.

‘So what happened then?’

‘Then there was no time to investigate. After the celebrations I immediately left for Amaranthine, I really didn’t think about it all until some years later, when I couldn’t deny there was something wrong with me any longer. Morrigan says that the ritual probably backfired because of the taint, and the soul of the Archdemon was trapped inside me, feeding off of my taint. When we uh – had sex, without using protections, and I got pregnant, the soul transferred to the baby as it should originally have had, leaving me taint free. Or at least I would have been once the baby was born.’

It was a simplistic and probably shallow explanation, but it was hard to explain without devolving in some technical jargon or the other, and her main objective was for Cullen to understand her, not to make his head even more muddled.

On his part, Cullen was trying to process the information he had just received at his best. It wasn’t easy, but he was struggling to remain detached in order not to get too invested in what he had just heard from her.

The essentials were that Thalia had performed a ritual in order to render the fight survivable, which somehow backfired and left her alive but harbouring the soul of the Archdemon, which in turn survived thanks to the taint in her blood. So when she had been with child, the soul had sought the baby instead, freeing her from the taint.

But…if the baby could free her from her curse, why had she chosen to not keep it?

He frowned, and proceeded to voice his thoughts to her.

At his question, Thalia averted her eyes, locking them on her joined hands on her lap. When the silence in the room stretched, the Commander mentally slapped himself; he could have used more tact instead of just barging right out with his doubts on such delicate subject.

When a big, warm, callous hand found hers, squeezing down, Thalia turned and saw a reassuring smile on his lips, telling her that he was not judging her.

‘Being a Grey Warden is the only thing that ever made sense in my life. Duncan gave me a chance, and with the Wardens I found my purpose, my family. Keeping the baby would have meant losing it all. I already gave up the man that I loved for the good of Ferelden, so I wanted to be selfish and hold tight to my Order, even if it means that I won’t be able to live very long.’ Her voice was law, but steady. It was a confession, one she wasn’t making lightly, not to him, but it was the truth. Which he deserved.

Her words hang in the air between them, and she felt a pang of regret biting her nonetheless.

She had loved this beautiful, gentle man, but now she was someone else, no longer the young, naïve and eager apprentice in a Circle with a future to look forward to, and he was no longer the shy, inexperienced and idealistic Templar that wanted to defend people regardless of their magical talents. They were too completely different persons, who despite their reciprocated affection, could not hope to be together.

‘Do you still love him?’

The question came unexpected from him, but she was not uncomfortable answering it.

‘I do. Always will, probably. And I will always carry you in my heart as well, Cullen. You were the one that made my apprenticeship bearable, the one that showed me that a Mage and a Templar could be more than prisoner and jailor. You were the first man to ever catch my attention, and I wouldn’t change those days even if I could. I regret how things went in our lives, but they made us who we are today. We might be broken, but we are here now, fighting for a just cause, helping the world, redeeming ourselves’ she whispered softly, untangling her hands so that she could intertwine her fingers with his. She squeezed down, offering a broad and sincere smile, which he returned in kind, the scar pulling seductively at his lips. For a moment Thalia considered leaning over and kiss him, but then her good reason reminded her that she had one more thing to say, the one thing that may finally put their problems to rest once and for all.

‘We are both atoning and healing, and for how much I would like to throw caution out the window, we deserve someone who can help us through this. And we both know we can’t find it in us.’

Cullen considered her words carefully, coming to his own conclusions.

‘I agree. And I hope you can find it’ he finally offered.

‘As do I.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I have to be honest, I was conflicted whether to give these two an happy handing or not, but I think this way is more coherent with how their relationship has evolved. I also have a grand finale planned for Thalia, and sadly Cullen's not contemplated in that u.u   
> Next chapter should be up relatively soon since I have already written half of it, so be ready to meet up with Mythal, everyone's favourite Witch.


	25. Asha'bellanar - The woman of many years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOHOO! Two chapters in a night? This is unheard of!  
> Ah! I wasn't planning on it, but I was on a roll, so I thought it was best to take advantage and go ahead ahaha

Three days after Thalia and Cullen’s heartfelt conversation, the Inquisitor and his party left to go back the Wilds. It took them about two weeks before they reached the last of their camps down there, where the other companions had been waiting for them, helping to clear out the last of the strugglers. When they arrived, Iazell barely spared the time to change horses and companions before he rode out again, eager to get to the altar. With Morrigan, Thalia, Varric, Solas and Cassandra in tow, the Inquisitor scouted forward. The place they were looking for, appeared to them barely half a day later, hidden in a clearing that had obviously been part of bigger structure before the wilds had reclaimed it.

And there it was, in the farthest corner, a statue of a armless woman with wide spread wings and a head hidden behind a helmet. Thalia recognized it as a representation of Mythal, similar to the ones she had seen back in the temple. There were flowers growing at its feet, and different flower crowns adorned its head and neck. She followed silently as Morrigan made her way towards it, Iazell trailing just behind her, quietly taking in his surroundings.

‘This is it. One of the last remaining Altars…’ the witch breathed in awe, observing the beautiful sculpture that towered over them.

‘How is this different from the ones in the Temple?’ she asked, eyes trained on the statue. There was a familiar aura coming off in waves from it, a feeling that prickled the back of her head, telling her that she should know whatever secret was concealed behind it.

‘Mythal followers used to come here to pray to her. It is said that she used to appear to them in answer to their prayers…’ her friend explained, wonder and scepticism mixing in her voice. She was stunned to be face with such piece of history, but despite what the voices in her head were telling her, she was still diffident from believing them.

‘Well, let’s see if that ancient elven knowledge in your head comes through with this’ Iazell prompted, urging Morrigan to go on and perform the prayers to summon the presumed goddess.

Reluctantly, but not without a certain degree of eagerness, Morrigan stepped in the middle of the altar. She closed her eyes, spread her arms, imitating the way the statue’s wings were spread, raised her head, and started to chant. Words that Thalia could not even begin to understand poured from her lips, and soon after a mist materialized out of thin air, covering the entire clearing’s floor. Tension rose in the air when their visual started to reduce due to the fog, and when a hearty chuckle resonated all around them, all their hands run to their weapons.

And then, the exact same way that it had appeared, the mist dissolved in a blink, revealing a figure walking towards the altar. It was a woman, her long white hair styled to resemble dragon horns, kept in place by deep red strips, a familiar headset adorning her forehead. She was donning an armour that was all spikes and sharp angles, with deep v neckline that left her chest exposed.

Thalia felt her blood froze when her eyes stopped on the features of her face, finding bright, familiar, golden eyes staring back.

‘Well, well, what have we hear’ the woman drowned out her words, her voice sweet and thick; familiar, yet unheard before. It missed the raspy and harsh undertones she had known all those years ago…

‘Andraste flaming underpants, I never thought I’d be seeing her again’ she heard Varric whisper under his breath from somewhere next to her.

_That’s right, he’s met her before, too.._

The detail made her wonder how much the woman had really interfered with all their lives.

‘Ah, the Merchant Prince. Tell me, how is your Champion?’ she asked, smiling down at the dwarf with interest.

Varric was caught a bit off guard, but recovered his swag in a breath.

‘Very much alright’ he answered.

‘Good’ she chuckled, drawing her attention away from him and towards the Inquisitor.

‘And this must be the famous Inquisitor. A pleasure to meet you, I’ve heard great things about you’ she said, a playful smile painting her purple lips. Iazell respectfully bowed his head, while her eyes roamed towards Cassandra and then stopped on Solas. Thalia was pretty sure she saw something being exchanged between the two, but had not time to consider it as the woman’s attention switched once more, now settling entirely on her.

‘I must say, it is a surprise to see _you_ here’ she confessed, smirking at her still incredulous expression.

‘The feeling’s mutual, trust me’ Thalia sighed, dropping back into a more relaxed pose now that she had assessed the absence of an immediate threat.

Honestly, she shouldn’t have been surprised by how things had worked out. She’d always known that the woman was hiding more than secrets of Witch of the Wilds.

But there was one people among them who couldn’t reconcile what she was seeing in front of her eyes with what the voices in her head where whispering to her hear.

‘Mother…’ Morrigan murmured, eyes wide and incredulous, mouth agape.

Everyone but Thalia turned to her with confusion in their eyes, their heads stitching the information together.

The woman that had just appeared in front of their eyes was, presumably, Mythal herself – or at least an incarnation of the goddess –, and Morrigan had just referred to her as _mother_ , meaning that she also was-

‘This is _Flemeth_? _The_ Flemeth?’ Iazell gasped, awestruck.

The Witch of the Wilds turned to him, a laugh ready on her tongue.

‘Yes, that is one of many names, indeed’ she answered.

‘No, no this can’t be! You cannot be-‘ Morrigan yelled in disbelief, stepping closer to her mother.

‘What do the voices tell you, girl? Am I lying?’

Thalia looked over to her friend, seeing her close her eyes, seemingly intent on listening to something. Her shocked expression only moments later told them all what they already suspected.

That Flemeth was, indeed, Mythal.

‘How is this possible?’ Morrigan asked, visibly distressed to know that her mother had kept yet another secret from her.

Flemeth looked at her pensively before she dared to answer.

‘Once I was but a woman, crying out in the lonely darkness for justice. And she came to me, a wisp of an ancient being, and she granted me all I wanted and more’ she said, glancing longingly at the statue that rose behind her daughter. ‘I have carried Mythal through the ages, seeking the justice denied to her’ she explained, as if she was telling a tale to a child.

Iazell frowned.

‘So...you are carrying her inside of you?’ he questioned.

‘She is a part of me, no more separate than your heart from your chest’ she paused, pointedly eyeing Morrigan. ‘You hear the voices of the Well, girl. What do they say?’

Again, Morrigan closed her eyes to listen to the voices. When her eyes opened, Thalia could clearly see the defeat in them.

‘They say you are telling the truth’ she admitted.

It must have been hard, to know that everything you believed to be true was, in reality, but a fragment of the real story…

‘But what _was_ Mythal? A legend given name and called a God, or something more? Truth is not the ending, but a beginning,’

After that, Thalia tuned out of the subsequent conversation, her own head occupied with the process of absorbing everything she had just learned. Again, she knew very little about elven history or culture, but she knew enough to remember that Mythal, who was part of the Evanuris, had been killed before the Dread Wolf banished the others beyond the Veil. If that was accurate, then her spirit must have sought out Flemeth, who, like herself, was yarning for a vengeance she could not obtain. Did that make the Witch an “abomination”? Whatever she was, it was clear that her body was not as immortal as her soul, which would explain why she had needed to transfer her consciousness from daughter to daughter to preserve herself and Mythal. It was an interesting discover, if not a disconcerting one, one that made sense at last.

‘This meeting was no chance, was it?’ she heard the Inquisitor ask after a while.

Iazell was a smart man, and Flemeth had kind of made it painfully obvious that she was there for a precise reason and out of her own free will.

‘Clever lad’

‘The voices…came from you? Morrigan sneered, regarding her mother with ill-concealed distaste.

Flemeth gave back a hard stare to her daughter.

‘The price of the Well seemed no dire thing when you saw so much gain, mmh?’ she mocked her naivety, subtly blaming her over eagerness and selfishness for her mistake.

‘But the voices did not lie, Morrigan. I _can_ help you fight Corypheus’ she proclaimed, taking a step closer to her, extending an arm. Magic pooled at her fingertips, and Morrigan felt something shift in her mind.

‘Do you understand, child?’ Flemeth asked with a smile.

‘Yes, I…think I do’ her daughter replied, eyes open but unseeing. She was still focused on whatever her mother had just showed her.

Mythal nodded her approval, turning on her heels and swiftly walking away from her daughter and her own Altar.

‘Wait!’ Morrigan immediately called after her.

The goddess tuned with a self satisfied smile pulling at her painted lips.

‘I wished to see who drank from the Well of Sorrows. It has been a _very_ long time’ she said, a chuckle vibrating in her throat at her next words. ‘Imagine my surprise to discover it was _you_ ’ she smirked.

‘And that was _all_?’ the Witch asked, somewhat anxious to prolong their interaction.

She could deny it for as much as she wanted, but there was no doubt in Thalia’s eyes that she felt a deep admiration and curiosity towards the secrets that her mother seemed to hold; Morrigan was always exuberant and daring when it came to the topic of her relationship with Flemeth, but she had said so herself, that she was grateful to Flemeth for her teachings, and that she had had no complaints with the way she had been raised by her.

The mist started to rise again as said Witch regaled one last glance at her daughter.

‘A soul is not forced upon the unwilling, Morrigan. You were never in danger from me’ she offered as her parting words, right before she turned and disappeared in the fog and out of thin air, again.

Silence fell in the clearing, stretching for what felt like an eternity, before the Inquisitor broke it with a long, heartfelt sigh.

All their eyes turned to him.

‘Well, that was bracing’ he breathed, massaging the stiffness out of his neck. That had been one hell of a stressful encounter, for sure.

‘Indeed’ was all that Solas had to offer, his eyes still focused on the exact same spot from where Flemeth had disappeared.

Morrigan was silent for some more time before she just slumped on her own staff, shoulders dropped and head suddenly heavy. Thalia moved next to her to help, sustaining her weight.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked softly.

Her friend looked up at her through her thick black lashes, then huffed and straightened, though she did not remove Thalia’s hand from herself.

‘It figures that the one time you try to make it up to me things should turn out this way…’ she complained, glaring sideways to the other mage.

Thalia chuckled.

‘Well, I think no one was expecting _this_ outcome, for sure’ she tried to minimize the damage, though she knew the Witch would be thinking about this for a very long time to come.

‘Maybe I should have let the Inquisitor drink from the Well…’ Morrigan murmured, finally moving away from her.

 

Later that same day, the party returned to camp, where they settle for the night, each of them consumed by their own thoughts and doubts. They spent the night in the Wilds, but the following morning the Inner Circle dismantled the last camp and rode out, determined to get back to Skyhold for a very much earned rest.

As usual, it took them all about two weeks to reach the fortress in the mountains, and at their arrival, they were pleased to see that the majority of their forces had been able to regroup, even though they were still down in the valley and not back in the safety of the castle.

The advisors, now in their entirety, gave the Inquisitor a day to regroup and relax before they demanded an update from his expedition in the Wilds.

Iazell, alongside with Morrigan and Thalia, gave a very detailed report of what had happened, much to his advisors surprise and incredulousness at the tale.

Now, all that remained was to either drive Corypheus out or wait for his next move. Their soldiers had yet to be at full force, and they would take all the time they needed before striking the last hit.

Morrigan reassured them that, when the time came, she knew how to deal with the Archdemon, and the War Council was glad to be able to have the chance to take a breather.

But how went the saying, again?

Speak of the devil – and he shall appear.

They were about to wrap it all up for the day when the sound of an explosion ripped through the air, blasting all the way throughout Skyhold.

Eyes flew at the windows, where a gut wrenching familiar green light shone through.

‘the Breach…!’ Cullen yelped out in surprise, watching as the once sealed tear in the veil ripped open on their head once again.

‘It can’t be!’ Josephine cried out, her ever tidy writing tablet dropping to the ground, spilling ink everywhere on the floor.

‘We are not ready to deal with it again, Our soldiers-’

‘There is no time to wait for them, we need to get out there _now_!’ Iazell yelled, speaking over Leliana panicked observation.

‘You can’t go alone!’ Cullen shouted back, ever the strategist.

To go alone was suicide, but Iazell was not alone.

‘He will not. We are ready to stand by you, Inquisitor’ Thalia affirmed, gripping her hands hard around her staff.

Iazell nodded to her.

‘Ready everyone, we are leaving immediately.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, towards the end, finally.  
> I'm saying this now, but be ready to wait a while for the next one; I'm kind of shit at writing combat, but I do want to include this final fight, so bear with me!


	26. Nan'Fen'Harel - The Dread Wolf's Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! How have you been since last time? Did everything went well during these holidays? I hope it did!   
> I know it's been some time since last update, but I guess I was kind of stalling...I really don't want this story to end yet, though the last chapter is probably the one I'm looking more forward to write and let you guys read ahahah  
> At any rate, I won't keep you any further, see you down below ;)

The Inquisition’s response to the newly appeared threat was swift and efficient. The months of quiet and safety in Skyhold had only increased the level of preparations and resources that the organization had poured in for emergency protocols. Commander Cullen had promised the Inquisitor that Haven would never repeat itself, that the Inquisition and its people would be safe, and he kept his promises.

Escape routes had been established, quick ways in and out of the fortress and down the mountain, crates filled with long lasting supplies had been placed strategically along chosen paths, and even secluded stables had been placed and maintained along with several garrisons of men instructed with all the necessary information for cases as the one that they were experiencing now.

Skyhold was – for the moment – not in any direct danger, but without the Inquisitor and his Inner Circle and the majority of the army, it was still vulnerable.

Cullen watched eerily for a moment as Iazell rode out along with everyone else, silently praying to the Maker for their safety and the safety of the whole Inquisition. One breath later and he was back on the move, shouting orders back and forth. He had a job to do, all he could do was hope that the they were ready to end this.

 

Thalia’s head was empty as she flew above the Inquisitor’s party, bird’s eyes trained on their figures and the reopened Breach in the Sky at the same time. She had chosen to shapeshift and follow them via flying instead of relying on a horse to get to their destination; in all honesty it probably was the safest bet, too. Somewhere on her right, she could feel Morrigan’s magic as well. She knew the witch had an ace up her sleeve – her _metaphorical_ sleeve, but she couldn’t’ help the foreboding feeling from seeping into her bones. Final battles were never easy or pleasurable, she should know, but a little bit more of preparations wouldn’t have hurt. Even during the Blight they had had time to strategize and organize before the final push of the horde…

_Guess this is what happens when your enemy has a little more intelligence on its side, uh._

The journey to Haven took drastically little time to make, thanks to the well swept roads, and the party soon reached its destination; only, what they found in front of them was anything but what they had expected.

Snow no longer covered the town that had been buried under the avalanche, instead, pieces of what little remained of the Temple of Sacred Ashes were floating in the sky, enveloped in an ominous green glow. As the ground team dismounted, Thalia stuck the landing, her human form returning to her as her feet gently but quickly touched the ground. Her face was pulled into a grimace, much as everyone else. They hurried towards where they could see some of their forward scouts fighting against shades, Scout Harding recognizable just outside the fray, bow in hand.

Suddenly, the Breached boomed and roared, making the ground shake with renewed force.

Pieces of rock and stone were falling from above in a deadly rain, and Iazell hurried to make a semblance of strategy as Corypheus’ figure loomed in the distance.

‘I’m taking Bull, Cassandra and Dorian with me; we are going after the Magister. Everyone else follow Thalia’s lead, hold off as many as you can from us’ he said, nodding his head to her in a gesture of trust. Thalia reciprocated the nod.

‘What if the dragon shows up?’ Varric asked from her side, Bianca already holstered in his hands.

‘I think Morrigan has that covered’ the Inquisitor replied, a faint smirk colouring his words as his head jerked behind them.

As if on cue, a high pitched roar pierced the cacophony of the battle, and all heads shot up to admire an impressive purple dragon swoop in the scene from above, circling all around the rests of the temple now floating in the air, waiting, on the lookout for Corypheus’ pet Archdemon.

‘If anything goes wrong, you need to kill the dragon at all costs, clear?’ Iazell explained, his eyes still trained on Morrigan in the sickening green sky.

‘Aww Boss, that’s not fair! I wanted in on the dragon’ Bull whined from his side, sighing longingly at the missed chance of slaying yet _another_ dragon.

‘I’m sure you will have plenty of fun in blowing off Corypheus as well’ The Inquisitor replied, a small smirk painted on his lips.

From somewhere behind her, Sera snorted.

‘Bull’s gonna _blow off_ Coryphytits!’ she said, snickering as if she had made the joke of the age. Next to her, Vivienne scoffed soundly.

If someone else was going to reply to that particular statement, every sound was drowned when another explosion went off somewhere south of their position. A tower of smoke and debris rose to the sky, and soon they all could see the disfigured silhouette of the Magister walking right towards them.

‘Guess that’s our cue to move out. Good luck everyone!’

With that, the Inquisitor and his party run off, leaving the rest of them behind to defend the position.

‘Warden-Commander!’ someone called to her, and Thalia whipped her head towards the voice, finding Scout Harding jogging back to her.

‘There are incoming forces, what should we do?’ the dwarf asked her, her stance expecting and full of nervous energy for the incoming danger.

‘We hold this position as long as we can, give the Inquisitor the time he needs to deal with Corypheus and to Morrigan to deal with the Archdemon. Nothing goes past our line of defence, clear?’ Thalia replied immediately without batting an eyelash. It was true that they had had no time to strategize this through, they didn’t even have the upper hand in the situation, but this wasn’t her first improvised fight either. All they could do now was cut down as many enemies as they could to avoid the main party getting flanked while focused on the Magister.

Harding nodded and was off immediately, probably to rally the rest of their forces scattered in the valley below.

‘Well, this oughta be fun’ Varric chirped from her side, stealing a smile from the Warden.

‘I agree’ Solas joined in, his pose as casual as ever. If Thalia hadn’t spent all the time in his company that she had, and she hadn’t been watching him as careful as she did since their return from the Wilds, she certainly would have been fooled by his calm demeanour and nonchalant stance, but when she glanced his way, it was obvious hoe tense his muscles were under his armour. He was on edge as well, though she couldn’t’ say if for the battle they were about to dive in, or for something else entirely different.

Heavy footsteps and loud cries could now be heard just over the edge of where they were standing, the noise of steel on steel, the thump of arrows being fired, the screams of the fallen and the wounded…the battle was coming to them.

‘Ok people, spread out! I want who can melee in the front, everyone else in the back! Go!’ Thalia cried over the crescendo of the fight, electricity already prickling her fingers as she hurried to unsheathe Spellweaver.

As soon as they were in position, the first of the red templars started to swarm the place, and spells and arrows started to fly.

After having fought so many of them, Thalia found it fairly easy to know where to strike even with her sword, and she danced in the fray slashing left and right, parrying, stabbing, and lashing out spell after spell from her sword as if she were wielding her staff.

The members of the Inquisition fought with each other with that sort of understanding that can only be built from the experience of countless of battles faced together as a cohesive team.

‘Watch your flank!’ a voice that sounded like Blackwall shout from somewhere in the fray, and as Thalia turned to defend her uncovered flank from a red horror, a bolt embedded itself right in between its eyes.

‘I got you covered Angel, don’t worry!’ Varric yelled at her, winking, as he reloaded Bianca.

Thalia nodded her head in a silent thank and ducked under the blade of another templar that had taken the place of the fallen one. She was about to roll out of reach and fry it where it stood, when an ethereal spirit blade cut its head clean.

‘Be careful my dear, these templars are _so_ dreadful’ Vivienne chirped as she elegantly spun around, giving her blade a solid swipe to clean it of the blood of the beheaded templar.

Thalia huffed in reply, readying herself for the next enemy within reach, and they fought on for what felt like an eternity.

Sometime later, the battle seemed to reach a lull, with increasingly less enemy forces coming through, and the party left behind took advantage of the break to regroup and recover. Sera and Varric walked the field recovering their arrows and bolts, Cole was standing in front of a dead templar, mouthing something to himself, and everyone else was just simply catching their breaths.

Peace did not last long, and the missing member of their little party soon made itself known, roaring and screeching as it flew just above their heads, spitting blighted fire and scorching the already crumbling structure of the temple.  What was left of it, at least. The path where Iazell and the others had gone was lost destroyed, detached from the ground when their battle with Corypheus began. It made them all uneasy to know that they were up there on their own, without reinforcements or ways to communicate with them, but at least the sounds of battle and the flashing of spells gave them an indication of what was going on. As long as they were still fighting it meant that at least they were alive.

The arrival of the Archdemon caught no one off guard, and immediately after the first attempt to obliterate them, Morrigan jumped out of wherever she was hiding, latching herself with her claws onto the Archdemon, throwing it away.

Seven heads rose to the sky, each following with great attention the fight between the two giants, weapons still at the ready and ears open to the possibility of more ground forces. But no more templars showed up as the dragons battled in the sky, and stuck as they were on the ground, watching was all they could do.

The match of brute force and cunning ambushes went on and on for what felt like forever, and from where Thalia was standing was almost impossible to be sure if or who was truly winning; until Morrigan’s dragon form came crushing down on the ground. Everything shook and the stilled for a moment, then the Archdemon landed as well, visibly wounded but still standing despite the cuts that were bleeding profusely.

Thalia’s eyes went wide, and for a split second everything she could think about was how badly injured Morrigan must be; she wanted to run over to where the dragon had now retreated back into the woman, but to do so she would have to cross the other one. A sudden surge of fury started to make her mana sing in her veins, and her lips started casting almost without her realizing she was doing so.

 _Cullen would be_ so _mad if he saw me now_ , a faint thought rushed through her mind. But right now their victory was more important than morals, and when the blood of the fallen started to swirl around her feet, all she could do was feeling refreshed and ready to bring the Archdemon and Corypheus down, once and for all.

If the other members of her party noticed or disapproved of her choices, no one made it known. They all fell in line with her as she advanced towards the stranded dragon, a wing torn and slashed and its hinder left leg limping.

‘Blackwall, you take the head, keep its attention! Vivienne I want you to use your blade on its already injured leg; Solas, you are support, keep us covered! Cole, I count on you to keep our backs safe. Varric and Sera, you have a giant pincushion, feel free to use it!’ Thalia said, prompting her orders to the party.

Unlike them, she did not have the benefit of knowing how to fight in perfect tandem with them, and so she just had her instincts to go with.

One last deep breath, hoping to finish the whole deal quickly, and she was off again.

‘Let’s bring this fucker down, or else the Inquisitor won’t be able to kill Corypheus!’ she yelled as she charged right next to the would be Warden, right towards the mouth of the beast.

 

The moment Corypheus became truly vulnerable was made very clear by the incredible loud roar of the dying dragon from below. The creature bellowed and cried as it went down, and the essence of its whole life returned completely inside the Magister. That was the time to truly strike; up until then they had tried to engage in a sustained battle, avoiding any forceful  hit and just doing some damage to bring Corypheus as close to death as they could.

But the Magister, even if battered and bloody, did not seem anymore near ready to die than when they had started the fight.

‘Urg, this son of a bitch is hard to kill!’ Bull growled after a particular hard hit that did less damage than expected.

‘Yeah, but his pet Archdemon is dead now, we should hurry up and finish him’ Dorian huffed, dusting off some debris from his vests in a gesture of deep annoyance.

‘Agreed. Let’s kill this abomination and go back home.’

Iazell switched his staff for his spirit blade and cloaked himself behind the veil, readying himself to strike.

The team moved into position with a familiarity that showed just how used they were to this particular scheme, and soon enough Corypheus was flanked on all sides. Iazell swung his sword forward, the blade sinking right in the middle of the Magister’s chest, distracting him; Cassandra took advantage of the opening and bashed her shield right in his face, sending him stumbling towards Bull. The qunari raised his two-handed axe and swung. The blade came down a bit too late, missing the head just for a split hair, but a strategically placed thunderbolt from Dorian helped him to slow his escape, and Bull managed to sever his left arm up to the elbow.

‘ENOUGH!’ Corypheus screamed to the top of his long dead lungs.

The earth began to tremble worryingly, pulling chunks of stone away from the already pretty small island they were floating on, and an explosion caught them all off guard. When they were able to open their eyes again against the blinding light, Corypheus was standing in the middle of destroyed columned room, Orb shining brightly in his remaining hand.

‘I will not suffer your empty attempts any longer! This ends here!’ he yelled, and yanked the orb high over his head, releasing an energy blast that knocked the four of them on their feet.

A moment passed, and the shock went with it.

Iazell gritted his teeth at the Magister in front of him. He was frustrated, his shackles were raising to impossible levels, and anger only helped fuel his mana and determination.

Everyone was counting on him, counting on his success and the success of the Inquisition. The future of Thedas depended on him, he could not let the world down, could not permit this threat to persist any longer than it had. Corypheus was going to steal the future of each and every individual in Thedas, no matter the side they took during this conflict. He had witnessed it, in Redcliff. _Everyone_ had been miserable there…

With anger and determination sustaining him, Iazell lunged forward.

Against his better judgement he rushed towards the Orb, fighting against the building force of the magic that pushed at him in every direction, rejecting him, then pulling him forward, step after step, until he was face to face with Corypheus.

‘You’re right, this ends now!’ Iazell screamed to be heard over the deafening sound of the crackling of magic, raising his own left hand, the one marked with the Anchor towards the Orb.

 

Panic started to spread between them all when yet another explosion went off in the sky.

This one was much stronger than the previous, and when the blinding green light finally retreated, a whole other feeling engulfed the Inner Circle of the Inquisition.

The Breach was gone.

Gone.

The sky was clean.

Clean and dark and full of fading stars in the face of daybreak.

That was it then.

It was over.

Confirmation came quickly as the piece of temple that had floated off in the sky came crushing back down.

Everyone but Thalia, who was still looking after Morrigan, rushed towards where it landed.

From where she was seated, with Morrigan’s head cradled in her lap, Thalia watched with growing relief as Iazell, Dorian, Bull and Cassandra emerged from the rubble. They were visibly wounded, but nothing that couldn’t be patched up with a spell and some rest. She watched with even bigger curiosity as Solas approached the Inquisitor, who just shook his head. She was too far to hear the words that went by between them, but, somehow, she knew. She knew as she watched Solas’ back disappear behind the rubble towards where the island had come down from the sky; she knew she would never see him again.

 

There wasn’t a soul in Skyhold, in the following days, that wasn’t in the mood for celebrations.

Everyone was cheering all the time, laughing, drinking and spinning tales of the Inquisition’s great victory.

And that night was no different, though not every member of the Inquisition was present to the actually official – and yet still impromptu – banquet.

From the mountains, two souls were looking back to the fortress longingly, smiles gracing both their lips, and another was nowhere to be seen.

‘Are you sure it was a good idea to leave like that?’ one of the hooded figures standing on the top of the pass asked to the other, who was still watching intently the lights flickering all over the fortress.

‘Yeah, I don’t really like goodbyes. Besides, I left letters this time’ the other figure replied, smirking.

‘If you say so’ the first one scoffed, the hood falling back to reveal raven black hairs in a loose bun on her head.

‘What about you? What are you going to do now that you have all those ancient stuff in your head?’ the second asked, turning to look at her companion.

‘There is still a lot a need to understand and study, I don’t know where it will lead me’ the black haired woman said, honestly.

‘Knowing you, I’m pretty sure I have a solid idea where I would find you’ the still hooded figure said, chuckling.

‘How pretentious. And what about you, then? Will you go back to your Wardens?’

A pause.

‘That’s the plan, yes. There are matters that it’s time to take care of’ the Warden replied, this time with a bit more gravity.

‘That’s good to hear. I hope you’ll succeed in whatever it is that you are going to do’

The Warden laughed.

‘How very generic of yours. But thank you, you too’

The two companions remained in silence for a bit, eyes still trained on Skyhold in the distance.

‘This is a farewell then’ the Warden began, tearing her emerald eyes away from the castle. ‘Goodbye my friend, and safe travels’ she said, offering the Witch one of the warmest smiles she had ever seen before.

‘Safe travels to you, as well’ the Witch replied before her body shifted in a jet black raven.

 

Thalia stood alone at the mouth of the pass for several more moments, watching as Morrigan soared the skies, and disappeared behind the dip of another peak.

With one last wistful glance towards the magnificent and imposing figure of Skyhold, the Warden Commander turned around and walked away.

After all, the ending of an adventure was merely the beginning of another one, and she had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, it was good to finally get rid of this one ahaha   
> Jk, it's only that I'm still no good with fighting sequences....  
> At any rate, I'm both really looking forward and completly afraid of ending this story, but I do want to have you guys read the finale, just to know how many of you will have seen /that/ ending coming ahahaha  
> Until next time you all ;D


	27. A Hero's Ending & A Hero's Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, before you all go ahead and read this last chapter, there is one thing I want to say:  
> Thank you.  
> Thank you so, so, so, so much.   
> I don't think I'd have ever managed to finish this story without all your feedback and your support!   
> This fandom has given me so much, I met and talked with wonderful people, I learned a lot about my skills and improved them...it has been a hell of journey up until here.   
> So this is where Undercover ends, with all its ups and downs, the twists and funs, the angst...especially the angst ahaha   
> I thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart.  
> Now hurry up and read, I do look forward to know what you think of this ending!!

“To Inquisitor Iazell Trevelyan and the Inquisition:

Inquisitor, it has been an honour and a privilege to work at yours and the Inquisition side, despite my initial reservations.

You have done a great service to Thedas, and we all owe you our lives and our future. To you, and to the people that gave their lives to the Inquisition.

Wherever you choose to go from here, whatever the direction the Inquisition will go, know that the Gray Wardens of Ferelden will always be at your service.

I’m sorry I couldn’t remain further in Skyhold, and I’m also sorry that I took off in the middle of the celebrations without as much as a goodbye, but I have other duties that need my attention.

I promise to stay in touch though, so Leliana won’t need to deplete all your resources to find me.

Thank you again for the chance you gave me; the Inquisition and its people brought me back from a very bad place and put me back on the right track, and I’m extremely grateful for that.

I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for all of you.

At any rate, I suppose you’ll hear of me soon enough.

With the utmost gratitude and respect,

Thalia Amell, Warden Commander of Ferelden”

 

The halls of the Denerim Palace were buzzing with the chatter of dozens of nobles and servants, all gathered by order of the King and Queen to participate in the Landsmeet, called but a mere three weeks after the threat of Corypheus had been terminated.

Plans of reconstruction and reorganization needed to be made, nobles needed to be appeased once and for all about the still open question of the Mage Rebellion, matters concerning the Inquisition needed to be taken into consideration, and several more topics were programmed to be discussed.

The meeting was already in full swing when, suddenly, the guards at the door sounded the gongs to announce the arrival of an unexpected guest.

King Alistair frowned and straightened on his throne, at the same time pleased for the interruption and annoyed that the meeting would only drag longer than it already had because of it.

It also needed to be pointed out that, the last time that someone had interrupted a Landsmeet, things had turned out with him on the Throne and Loghain dead on the floor…

With not a small amount of dread embedded in his bones, Alistair watched as the gates to the room slowly opened outward.

Blue and Silver were the first things that caught his attention, followed by a head of deep auburn hair that framed a face he would not have imagined to see again.

For the second time in ten years, Thalia Amell walked down the Throne Room of Denerim Royal Palace with purpose driving her steps and determination etched in every line of her face. The only difference was her full Warden regalia, Commander armour shining against the flickering light of the chandeliers, staff strapped on her back and sword on her hip. At her side were two more Wardens, and Alistair recognized them as the two that had showed up in Orlais: Nathaniel Howe and Velanna. They, too, were wearing their armours, the silver griffon displayed for everyone to see.

It still wasn’t common knowledge that the Gray Warden were involved with the Devine’s death, but their appearance at the Landsmeet was still one very bold statement.

The trio stopped just short of the steps in front of the two thrones, and Alistair found Thalia’s eyes almost immediately; the woman was wearing her serious expression, but her eyes were smiling.

It was Anora, though, who addressed her first.

‘Warden-Commander Amell, to what do we owe this pleasure?’ she asked, loud and clear so that everyone could hear her.

Thalia’s gaze shifted from King to Queen, and the smile disappeared.

‘Your Majesties – she started, bowing her head respectfully – I come bringing the Inquisitions respects’ she said as a greeting. Everything was a good way to broach the subject, and this one showed the court who’s favour she had on her back.

‘I see, that is most welcome’ Alistair replied in his best king-voice, though a smile was threatening to break out on his lips. He knew what she was doing, and it amused him very much.

‘I assume there is more you wish to say, Warden-Commander, since you interrupted us in the middle of the Landsmeet’ Anora pointed out, her tone souring slightly in the face of her husband clear entrancement.

It was true that they did not have that kind of romantic relationship, but that didn’t mean that she still couldn’t resent the woman who had destroyed her world to rebuild it at her own liking, the woman who, despite the fact that she had imposed her will over him, her husband had never stopped loving in the past ten years. Yes, she might have been jealous and spiteful, but nothing could force her to like Thalia Amell, Hero of Ferelden.

‘Indeed there is, Queen Anora. I’m here on official Warden business, in fact’ Thalia announced, voice now sombre, her face devoid of any trace of mirth.

The reason she was there was no laughing matter, after all.

‘What is it?’ Alistair immediately asked, his features mirroring hers.

He had received no reports nor alarming news from his informants, not since after the events at Adamant, so he was completely in the dark to what Thalia was talking about.

‘It’s about that _Royal Sanction_ we talked about, your Majesty. I think it’s time the Wardens move forward’ Thalia declared in all seriousness, nodding towards Alistair.

Anora frowned really hard at her words, she had no clue to whatever she was referring to. This was the first time she heard anything about the Crown offering a Royal Sanction to the Wardens!

Next to her, though, Alistair was now wearing one of the biggest smiles she had ever seen on his face, eyes shining bright, his whole demeanour radiating with pride and happiness.

‘Granted’ he replied without a second thought, his voice high and firm, as a King’s voice should always be.

He offered no further explanations to Anora or the Landsmeet, and the hall soon filled with hushed whispers and confused voices. The chattering rose as the seconds passed, but not even the Warden-Commander added anything to it.

Her companions and her simply bowed at the waist, then turned around and exited the Throne Room just like they had entered it, with heads held high and the Silver Griffon in full display on their regalia.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a rather quiet morning in Skyhold, the sun was shining brightly in the clear blue sky and everything was good.

Inquisitor Iazell Trevelyan was drinking his coffee lazily as he poured over a variety of reports and bit of news that Josephine had sent him the night before, his room was silent and quiet save for the very light snore coming from the bed, where Dorian was sleeping happily, naked and tangled in silk sheets.

On his desk, he skimmed through a field report, putting it back on its pile, before he went and took up the latest update coming from the Ferelden Court.

A name immediately caught his attention as he was scanning the piece of parchment, and he went back to read it from the beginning.

“[…]Two weeks after Warden-Commander Amell’s appearance at the Landsmeet, King Alistair abdicated the throne, leaving the Crown to his consort, Queen Anora.

It is believed that the now former King Alistair Theirin has gone back to the Wardens to serve under Warden-Commander Amell.”

Iazell blinked several times, reading the passage over and over in his head, and each time his disbelief grew stronger.

On the bottom of the page, in the freakishly neat calligraphy of the Spymaster, a note had been added:

_It seems you might need to take responsibility for this one too, after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it then.   
> The End, huh?  
> Feels weird, to be here.   
> This is the first story ever that I've completed.   
> Hell, it's probably the longest too.   
> But I've loved each and every part of this journey, and I think I'll miss it all.  
> The story and my lovely Oc...  
> Oh well, I'll be here waiting to hear what you guys think about it!  
> (Also, if for some reason you'd like to have more of this particular universe, let me know :) I'm not against writing some one shots, maybe with prompts!)


End file.
